A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:emergency!! Basically friend A is in love with friend B but friend A lost her virginity a few months ago to another guy (she was not with friend B at this time). She is deeply in love with B but can't help but think of this guy now and again. She read somewhere that this may be because of a hormone produce by girls during sex to keep them interested in their partner, I really need to know if this is true because it is breaking her heart that this is going on and it's upsetting friend B also. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (28 April 2012):
There is some science behind this effect but as others have said its more psychological. If it was good then getting over no1 can always be harder than 2 3 or 4!
If it was a bad experience then its hard to forget for different reasons. Time takes away the feelings but does the memory ever go?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Don't over-analyze this. She's still thinking about A because it was just a few months ago that she was with him. People tend to take longer time to get over someone and she shouldn't push herself to get over someone before she is actually over them. She needs to give herself the time it takes. This is why people always say do NOT jump from one relationship and right into the next one before you are OVER your ex.
Your friend isn't over her ex because it hasn't been long enough since she was with him. Just a few months is rarely enough.
Leave the hormones and high theories out of this. It's about feelings and personality. Some take longer to get over a partner and the intimacy they shared, others are over it in a the blink of an eye.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Thinking of someone occasionally doesn't mean you love them or have special hormones, it just means they were a part of your life at some point and you have memories them. Just because you stop seeing someone doesn't mean they are erased from your memory. It's not like sex casts some magical spell on women. She will occasionally think about people she has met and dated and had crushes on. She doesn't need to tell her current boyfriend every time a thought of her ex pops into her head. Tell her to stop reading trashy "women's mags" and to stop worrying so much.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 April 2012):
 The hormone you talked about would not stop producing just because the guy is a 2nd or 10th one. It's not just sex it's the pheromones that makes the difference in how memorable a person is. While B might not be as charismatic as A he could make a better boyfriend than A, otherwise A wouldn't have disappeared. I would not count on the animal wisdom in human relationships at all. I learn that I cannot rely on my body to seek out a mate because it can be totally off. When seeking a partner you need to use your judgment.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (18 April 2012):
 Thinking of someone now and again is perfectly normal. Being in love with someone doesn't mean you think only of them morning, noon and night.Hormones do not chain women to any man. If they did prostitutes would have only one client, rape victims would be clamouring to marry their attackers and 50-60% of married women wouldn't be initiating divorce proceedings.Don't make such a big deal out of this. Tell your friend to lighten up and that this will fade in time.
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