A
female
age
41-50,
*utumn10
writes:Hi All,I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now in a semi long distance relationship, we generally meet up every other week, the longest apart as been a month so in total Ive probably seen him for 4 months in total but we contact one another daily through texts and sometimes we call but we still havent said I love you yet. I drunkenly told him 5 months a go but he said he didnt feel it yet and since then it hasnt come up. Generally things are great between us we have loads in common and I've even been invited to spend Christmas with him and his family . I love him dearly and Im so scared I might be investing in a relationship where he doesnt love me and might never.Does anyone have any experience or advice, should we stay together or do you think he could be too emotionally detached? Have any of you truly loved someone but not said preferring to show your love through actions? Would you stay in a relationship if you didnt love someone as its better than being on your own? Or because of the distance do you think its still early to say I love you?Many thanks x
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christmas, drunk, I love you, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): have you ever heard the term "high maintainance" or the word "demanding?" you are in danger of being seen as a nightmare and pushing him away.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 my husband never says "I love you" he's done it maybe 3 times in the 2 years we've been together ONCE at the wedding so I would have it on tape.
some folks just don't say it.... I know for me when I realized i was falling in love with him I said "damn you to hell" He laughed.. he knew what i meant... so now if I say that he knows it means "I love you" last night he said "you rock my world" but the tone was such that my response was "I love you too"
my point... NOT everyone is comfortable saying " I love you"
what i learned when I ended up with this man was that his ACTIONS (in your case going to see the family during the most precious holiday of Christmas) says what the words don't.
FWIW we were LDR the first year we were together but after about the first four months we saw each other every weekend...
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 No everybody says it, remember the movie 'Ghost'? If you are close enough to be invited to spend Christmas with his family I think you should be secure enough without the little word being spoken.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (4 November 2012):
 He may be thinking you only say you love him when you are drunk? Well he probably isnt thinking that but no one knows what he is thinking really. You would be better seeing how he behaves and what he does. You would be far better talking to him, then just assuming.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Have you considered he may be waiting for you to say it?
OP it's just time you told him how you feel.
All your other questions about emotionally detached and whether you should stay are kind of irrelevant until you know where you stand.
So just talk to him the next time you see each other in person and don't assume anything until you know for certain.
Come back to us once you know where you stand and make your decision based on facts not assumptions and fears.
Do I think it's too early? No and the fact it's not too early for you kind of says it's not doesn't it?
It's been nearly a year he should know by now OP, so talk to him and see if he does but make your feelings clear to him too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Just because he hasn't said it yet doesnt mean he won't. You wouldn't ask someone to spend Christmas with you and your family if you didnt care for someone. Some people just take longer to say it than others, maybe he's just waiting until he's completely sure. The same thing happened with my boyfriend. I told him after 4 months and he said he wasn't sure if he felt it yet and wanted to make sure before he did. 10 months later he finally said it. 5 years later we are still together. I hope that helps
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (4 November 2012):
 For him, this is possibly the start of a relationship with a needy woman who uses the word "love" very very lightly. For you, I suggest looking more at the he treats you and the way he behaves. Hold it down.
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