A
female
age
41-50,
*at308
writes:I have an ex-boyfriend and we are trying to be friends. FYI he broke up with me for many reasons and one of those reasons named was being selfish/self absorbed. The problem is I am the one that seems to do stupid stuff. For example, I sent him a birthday card. The first line was nice but the ending was something like, PS Happy Facebook Birthday but I know it is not your real birthday ;). I wrote this because his drivers license is not the same as his Facebook birthday. I thought maybe his birthday was different because of not wanting to put too much personal information out there. I was trying to look cute while showing him I knew him better than he realized. Well, it turned out somehow his birthday is not the same as his license (he is from a different country). I felt awful when I found out. He told me all his friends and family called and emailed him for his birthday. He was wondering why I had not at least face-booked him to wish him happy birthday.I know this story sounds minor but the point is I am afraid I made a bigger ass of myself, my actions are proving his theory, I am disappointed I did not show am I can be a good friend, and I am making what is left of our attempt at friendship go down a bad path. We try not to talk about the “past” as a couple but sometimes he will use examples from the past and it makes me feel awful and I know he will add this to the list. I really like him and want to build a healthy friendship (there is no hope of a gf/bf relationship). I already explained and said sorry. This happened two days ago. Should I not mention it again when I see him today, take him out for a “late birthday dinner” or get him anything at this point?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2012):
 GAWD friendships and relationships are not this much work!
So his month and year got switched... and you got it wrong... that doesn't make you foolish or stupid.
trying to look cute while I show i know him better"
YOU are so NOT ready to be friends with this person.
to be honest I had to go back and read your age as you sound so teenage with this....
also, there is NO NEED to be FRIENDS with an ex. I think folks do that primarily to pretend that they don't have failed relationships. If you were not compatible enough to be lovers and life partners then how in the world do you expect to maintain a FRIENDSHIP.....
friendly is one thing
civil is one thing
FRIENDS is a totally different issue and I strongly STRONGLY recommend letting this man go out of your life.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (4 November 2012):
 You say you are working on being friends but it sounds like it is too soon after the relationship. He is focusing on old relationship problems and truly is being too sensitive for a friend. Friends don't get so hurt over an innocent mistake, it really isn't that big of a deal and you apologized. But he then brings up your past mistakes. He's still acting like a boyfriend and not a friend. It's possible your relationship has him too upset with you to ever truly forgive you and be able to be friends. He needs to be able to forgive and forget to have a real friendship and until he can do this there's nothing you can do. I don't think this is your fault, it may be your fault the relationship ended I don't know, but he is the one preventing the friendship from happening by not moving on from the past and being a bit more forgiving. I'd suggest to take a break from speaking for awhile then try the friendship at a later date when he hopefully has gotten over it and when you no longer feel the need to impress him (by showing how much you really know him). But if you want to continue now then don't apologize for the mistake again. You already did and the more you make a big deal about it the bigger a deal he will find it. It was a simple mistake. Joke around about it as friends would.
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