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Could you give me advice on how to broach the subject to him without embarrassing him or making him feel worse?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2008)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I started dating my 34-year old boyfriend (he's a friend of my brother's) when I was 15, and we've been seeing each other for about a year now. I've been really happy with him so far, and I feel like he's not only my boyfriend but a casual friend as well. l like to think I can talk to him about almost anything, but lately a problem has come up concerning the sizable gap in our ages. A few months after we started dating, he and I began a sexual relationship (the first for me) and I've never regretted it, although I'm fully aware of the trouble he could potentially get in if anyone was to find out. He, however, always seems sad and depressed after we make love, and although he never talks about it, I know it's because he feels guilty. My question is this: could someone give me advice on how to broach the subject to him without embarrassing him or making him feel worse?

Thanks

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

He feels bad because he know's better. His lust for you is no excuse.person who has no resp. You are too young to be tied up with this person. I'll bet he doesn't like to kiss you in public...I'll bet he doensnt' even like to be seen with you in public....that's because he is totally ashamed of what he knows is wrong...You have a brain and it's obviouos yours is working better than his .....

When sex is involved it's life altering, meaning pregnancy...so end it NOW....I promise you you'll get over it. Try staying within five years of your own age. Love is so much more fund without any shame...promise....

Take it from a person who has been there and done that.....

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A female reader, sue88 United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2008):

Hi there, i'm seeing someone with the same age difference, it's very complicated and just the age thing was an issue in itself.

I'm a little older so it may be looked at differently, even i think 15 you shouldn't have, he definitely shouldn't have, but anyway it's done and in the past, people have to accept nothing can be done to change it.

He may feel a little guilty but why not just be as nice as you can ask him if he's ok but don't push, let him bring it up if it is an issue, anyway men can sometimes fall asleep within 30 seconds of having sex, maybe he's just a grumpy person when he's tired lol.

It doesn't have to be a bad thing ya no, he may just want to keep quiet, could be many of things.

Good luck and just email if you wanna talk, believe me i know how it feels.

Sue

x

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A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (24 February 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntIf he's a mature person, then he will not be mad or sad when you come out and talk to him about his feelings. Just be honest with him.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (24 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony aunt

I think it would be better not to talk about it as it can make matters worse. Just let it go . It happened and you just treat him in a nice and understanding way.In time , he will get over this incident.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

I personally have nothing against age gaps, but in this case i feel a bit uncomfortable reading this. He was with you before you were 16, why? I cannot get my head around the fact that he is a bit pervy. Why would a bloke go with someone so young, sorry, but i think you should view the situation very carefully and decide for yourself what you want to do. What do your parents think of this? If you were my daughter i would kick his sorry arse out of town.

take care

xx

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntSorry to say this but he is a paedophile and can be done for statutory rape. What does a man of 34 want with a girl of 15? Answer sex!! He should date women nearer his own age not a child, who does not know her own mind.

You are very young and this guy has taken advantage of you, ok so you said "I don't regret it", but you will do if anyone did find out. He has violated your innocence, by starting a sexual relationship. Do yourself a favour dear, have nothing to do with this guy and find a boy of your own age. Dusky xxx.

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A female reader, Jargenhunter United States +, writes (24 February 2008):

I think it would be best for both of you if you stopped the sexual relationship you have from progressing any further. It is making him feel guilty and can seriously wreck your life, so just slow yourself down.

As for how to broach the subject, just simply ask if you can talk to him. Tell him your worried about his mental wellbeing, and then continue from there.

Hope this helps

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2008):

hello1 agony auntMy freind like you went out with a older guy when she was 15. I even thought back then how controlling he was. He used to pick out her clothes and she agreed to have a threesome! at 16!! Looking back on it now I realise he wanted to mould her into the person he wanted.

This guy may be nothing like this, but I think older guys that go for such young girls are either trying to change them or just for lust. He should feel guilty because he's an asshole. I'm 18 and could never think of going out with an 15yr old and I'm only 18! Old people going for really young people are doing it for a certain reason. I PROMISE you, [if your a normal, sane person] when your older you will look back and freak out

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