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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm afraid I might be dating a peadophile. My boyfriend (nealry 20) is attracted Hannah Monatna who is 15, and I am so grossed out I can't even kiss him let alone make love to him. He makes jokes about him being an ebophile to his friends online (he doesn't know I look at forums he goes on) and I'm wishing to God he is joking around on there...I'm two years older than him and I do not look old for my age, I look about 18. Everytime I read on a forum he doesn't know I look at making comments about either Hannah Monatna or the saying "If there's grass on the picth play ball!" I take a few extra diet pills in order to lose my womanly figure, or throwing up after meals. I know its not healthy but he loves me and I love him so much...I don't want to end up overdosing but I want him to stay attracted to me!He also said in this forum in an open letter that he never thought I would read "I think you're beautiful and wouldn't change a thing about you" cause I have low self esteem but is it any wonder the kind of other girls he is attracted to!What am I going to do...
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male
reader, Beery  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Your boyfriend is an ephebophile, not a paedophile, and guess what - ephebophilia is 100% normal. Just about every heterosexual adult male is an ephebophile, because ephebophilia merely means that we are sexually attracted to young post-pubescent girls. Every guy I ever met had that 'problem'. The only bad thing about it is that, if we don't hold our attraction in check, we can act on it and get put in jail for statutory (child) rape.
Liking women who have passed puberty is completely natural. The only problem with it arises if we try to have sex with a person who is physically mature but mentally immature. That's why countries have laws to prevent adults from engaging in sex with people whom the law decides are children.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Oh, sweetheart! This just hurts me to read this. You are self aware enough to know you have low self-esteem so that is half the battle. My advice to you is to go and get some. Self-esteem that is. This boy you're dating is young and Hannah looks a lot older than what she really is and that isn't too alarming at this point. But if in five plus years, he's still looking at 15 year old girls, then I think it would be time to call it quits and err on the side of conservatism. Hopefully you will have built your self-esteem up WAY before then and you will have moved on anyway. Get involved in something you love to do and that you are good at. That will help you gain a sense of self worth. That's a place to start.I wish you luck.
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female
reader, Emmajane +, writes (13 January 2008):
 I hardly think him being interested in a 15 yr old makes him a paedophile. In the UK the age of consent is 16, in most of Europe it's 14. The legal position in each country comkes into this, however just because he looks at her pics should be no cause for alarm.
Years ago when I was worried about by b/f looking at pics of other girls my friends said I should be glad he looks at pics, and doesn't try dating them. That's the way I look at it now. It's normal and natural for a guy to look at other girls and it would be very weird if he didn't. Just make sure he tells you you're the most gorgeous of them all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses guys, it has made me realise a few things. The problem with having an eating disorder is that you find excuses not to eat. This being one of them... I'm not blaming him for this at all, he actually worries that I don't eat enough!
I only knew the girls age, I actually looked at some pictures of her and was surprised that she didn't look like a kid, she doesn't look childish at all.
As for the forum business, I've avoided looking at it, I guess I just don't like seeing him flirt with other people in various countries but I have to keep reminding myself this isn't cheating and it doesn't mean he thinks I'm fat...
It is kinda difficult though :S
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Hi Hunny
These two words have two different meanings Ephebophile is a man in his late teens to eary twentys being interested in younger males, And pedophile is a male interested in young children, So I presume your b/f doesnt no what he is saying. Which he really should no what he says before openly talking like that to people before he gets someone who does no and then it wouldnt be quite so funny to him..
I have a feeling he is showing of and the fact of him finding hannah montanna sexy is quite normal as she may only be 15 but she does dress older for her age and comes across very sexy. My 10 yr old daughter is into all this my 18 yr old son has never mentioned he finds her sexy as he sees his sister watching her music and I guess he associates her with his sister as a girly thing.
My son is also dating a girl of 15 and is very happy but as I say this also respects her age...
Now what concerned me with you was your eating disorder which you have, Diet pills throwing up after meals sweetheart you need to get yourself to the doctor pronto, My friend died just over a year ago as she thought she was fat and constantly abused pills laxatives and threw up every oppurtunity she could get now im going to tell you this was not a pretty sight her skin looked like that of a crocodile her hair fell out her kidneys failed they had to put her on so many machines to keep her alive as she did overdose in the end she came through one episode only to do it again 2yrs later this time they cut her open to put a pacemaker in as her heart was completely off the wall and her body just shut down little by little, Now I want you to understand not one person is worth you doing this to yourself not in the name of love sweetheart, You need to see someone and very soon to sort this out before it gets more out of control, You as a person are special in everyway and you are the most important person here...Stop looking on his computor stop worrying about his problems and get the help you really need, Life is a special gift you have to love yourself for who you are not for what you think other people want if you need to talk at any time please message me ok i'll listen to anything you want to talk about please think very carefully what I have said and start looking after you hunny PLEASE TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I don't think its a big deal at all. You snooping and going through his private things is what is causing the problem here. I think you need to work on your insecurities. There is no point being in a relationship with this man if you are not going to trust him.
Making yourself ill isn't going go sort anything out either. I think you know deep down that is not what you should be doing, it will just give you one extra problem to worry about.
Speak to someone about your self esteem and your insecurities, you'll feel a lot better for it.
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female
reader, keely-h +, writes (4 January 2008):
 i agree hannah montana does look a lot older she could pas for a 18 year old so i dont think its that bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I'd never heard of Hannah Montana or Ephebophilia until today, but following some research I am now wiser.
I imagine that any normal male around the age of 20 would have a hard job not to find Hannah attractive. Whether she's aged 15 or not is debatable, and she does look rather older.
Your fella isn't a paedophile because Hannah has obviously reached puberty so that's ruled that one out straight away.
Ephebophile? Possibly, in the loosest sense of the word, as it originated from the ancient Greek word 'ephebe' which was a youth aged between 18-20 in military training, so I assume the word applies to a person who has amorous intentions towards young men of that age range.
Back to Hannah. I can see where your fella is coming from. At his age she would have caught my eye too!
Relax and stop snooping, or your relationship is sure to hit the rocks and very soon. Try to curb your paranoia. Also stop trying to make yourself look like a young teenager by starving yourself or making yourself sick after eating - if that gets out of hand you'll end up with bulimia. That's a dangerous road to go down.
You are what you are and you cannot change how old you are. If he's not happy with the way you are you'd be wise to let him go and find someone else to satisfy his preferences in a woman. Why risk serious illness just to please him? Or is his preference just in your imagination?
There's many a 'celebrity' that I'm attracted to that causes my imagination to run riot - Atomic Kitten for starters - but that doesn't mean I want my partner to move heaven and earth to look like them!
Phil
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male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (4 January 2008):
 I agree with tellulah here. You seem to be very insecure about yourself and goingthrough your bf internet going ons doesnt make it any better. Ive seen this hannah Montana show (and got the Cd for my little cousin, who likes her) and ill say i thought she was alot older than she is, these child stars wear alot of make up and gown up clothes and are no longer really children. They are trying to look alot older than they are.
Overall you need to stop worrying and stop snooping, everyone has their celebrity crushes, it doesnt mean they dont love their loved ones. So you will break up soon if you dont start to get over your insecurities
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Hi,
I think you are really getting carried away here.
He is still very young and imature, and they do say that guys are around 3 years more imature than girls. That makes his mental age around 16.
Ok so its wrong to say things like that, but boys do make jokes about the most horrible subjects.
I dont know who this Girl you are talking about is, but I presume she is some kind of personality. If so, is he really likely to meet her?.
You say you know that he loves you, but you have no trust. I am sorry to say this, but I think its you that has the problem. You are acting very insecure, and the snooping isnt helping. He is just a lad being an idiot, if he were a
peadophile he would be looking at kids. And to my mind, some of these 15 year old girls in the media do not look like kids.
I am sure you have nothing to worry about, but if you keep acting the way you are it will break you up eventually.
Take care
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A
female
reader, keely-h +, writes (4 January 2008):
he is atracted to hannah montana i would be suspisous about that although she is not a real person it is kinda weird for a 20year old, i would see how things progress.
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