A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Not a relationship problem but hoped you guys could give me a bit of advice.I work in a small company of just over 20 staff, most of us working in a large open plan office. One of the women, who is in her 30s, has taken to wearing short SHORT skirts - the lycra type you see teenagers wearing on nights out. Now, how anyone dresses is none of my business and completely up to them BUT her skirts ride right up and, typical example, yesterday I walked into the boardroom to speak to someone who was working in there, only to be met by the sight of her bared arse! She was bending over his PC, her tight lycra skirt had ridden up to ABOVE HER BUM CRACK, she was wearing opaque tights that were slightly see-through, and I could see her bare arse and thong! It looked like a set-up scene for a bad porn film. It was one of those moments when you doubt your own eyes and wonder "Am I really seeing this?" Now I am no prude and acknowledge that not everyone will dress "appropriately" for the office BUT this made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I really do not want to be met by such a sight when I walk into an office.I said to her, "Heh sweetheart, I can see your bare bum" to which she straightened up, pulled her skirt down to cover said bum and said "Well at least it's an attractive bum". I replied "We will have to agree to differ on that. I really don't need it in my face", to which I got the response "It was hardly in your face. It's not THAT big." Now this is not the first time this has happened. I have spoken to her two male line managers about this, and both agreed with me that "someone needs to have a word with her" but they both avoid confrontation with her as she has a volatile temper and either yells and screams in self defence or bursts into tears and accuses people of bullying her. A couple of other people have also spoken to her managers about this but it doesn't appear anyone has said anything to HER. Am I over-reacting? Given that there is probably not a lot I can do about it as I don't want to cause a bad atmosphere in a relatively small office, any tips on coping strategies? Yesterday's episode made me feel quite nauseous and disturbed.
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (8 April 2017):
 If this had happened in my office, the person who is improperly dressed will be sent home immediately without pay for that day. The same thing would happen if someone was wearing a strong perfume. The HR department sends out regular e-mails to the whole office on the importance of dress code in the office and maintaining a no scent environment. The emails even outlined how short the skirt should be - No hem lines above the knee, no flip flop sandals, etc. These emails are very clear as to what is acceptable and what is not. They also outline the consequences of breaking both rules.
For the most part it has worked, and certain people whose dress code were too "sexy" for the office got the message and toned it down.
I think an email to the whole office (so no one is targeted individually) from management might do the trick.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 April 2017):
 Is there anyone higher up than her line manager that you can talk to? Off course nobody wants to be seeing that at work! She is obviously looking for attention as am sure she is well aware if she is bent over her skirt will ride up. It could be the way she is used to getting attention, especially when she is aware her managers are male. Honestly though it is up to management now to take this further.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2017):
 The only coping strategy that I can suggest is that you learn to pick your battles , to focus your attention, and indignation, on more deserving causes, and to keep your opinions to yourself, if the attire and behaviour of your colegues do not break any law nor any OFFICIAL workplace policy.
You already spoke your mind- and that's all you could have done, and more than you SHOULD have done .
Who made you the fashion police ? Or the modesty police, or the morality police ?
And mind you, I am not saying even for a nanosecond that the way this girl dress is appropriate for the workplace , or tasteful. As for me, the mere mention of " lycra miniskirt " makes me cringe, regardless of context . But that's me ( and you ). If, though your office did not officially adopt a dress code, or it did but does not enforces it for whatever reason ( like, maybe, not to piss off a valuable employee because of a minor, exterior detail like the way she dress )- sorry but IMO was not even your place to criticize. This girl is there to arrive in time, perform her tasks efficiently, be productive and earn her salary- not to appease your sense of style or to learn modesty from you.
To be honest, I feel that you may have also exaggerated the real extent of her " exposure " for the sake of stating your point. This because I have worked in offices, and/ or visited offices as a customer, in 3 different countries and I have never seen anybody going around butt naked. So,my guess is that probably this woman wears a " normal " miniskirt, as it is unexceptional and accepted since the late 60's... showing off just what miniskirts show off, i.e. legs.... and then, once in a rare blue moon, in a moment of absentmindedness or due to a brisk, sudden move ,...she ends up showing a quick flash of a little something more. Oh big deal. Really worthy kicking up a big fuss about it.
A bit of tolerance in the workplace is always useful / necessary.
Who tells you that she ( or other colleagues ) doesn't find YOUR attire questionable or ridicolous ? How would you like, in case you wore " sensible " shoes and frumpy non-descript clothes, that you look like the Salvation Army and you need to spruce up , otherwise you are damage the company's image ?
If YOU want to dress classy, that's great, YOU do it. And let her her be her unclassy self. It's not skin off your nose ( just off her butt, at most ).
...............................
A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984 +, writes (7 April 2017):
If her manager has not approached her to discuss the dress code of the office then I'm afraid there is nothing you can do. If both managers are male then I'm assuming the real reason they haven't spoken to her about what is appropriate within the work place is because she might find that they are being discriminating against her and that might lead to a law suit.
I don't believe you are jealous in any way, judgmental YES.
If she has not been told off for her dress sense then just let her be. She doesn't deserve to be judged and you should just keep your comments to yourself. She isn't hurting anyone at the end of the day.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): I know exactly how you feel!A place that I used to work, one of the staff had an affair with the boss. When they ended up together she became a law unto herself. She was quite attractive and had a nice figure, but she started to wear very inappropriate clothes. Skin tight tops, exposed belly, short skirts etc.We obviously couldn't complain to the boss, as it was his girlfriend. It finally took the comments of a customer to stop it. They made a complaint about 'the rather old, overweight lady dressing like a teenager'! After that she went back to wearing suits.There's not much you can do that you haven't already done. You've notified your bosses, it's up to them to do something. In the meantime, just ignore her, don't get into arguments with her or talk about her behind her back. Either of those could get you into trouble. At some point she'll overstep and be pulled up on it or someone important will make a comment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): LOL to the last female poster who said you are just jealous....are you kidding me? But that is the kind of bullcrap you get when you ask people to dress appropriately. It seems that some of the younger generation didnt get the memo that thongs are only for the beach. I agree wih you completely, there is a time and place to show off the goods and the office is not it.Ewww gross, for sure I do not want to look at female or male parts when im at work. I would speak to the managers again. I think that because they are male thy feel awkward raising the issue. Maybe they can appoint one of he female gigher ups to talk with her? I mean, this has to look pretty bad for he company in general if that is what she wears.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): If that was me, I would think the older woman (YOU) who said something was jealous.
Sorry. But it's the truth.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): If she has a volatile temper and seems to exhibit irrational behavior when confronted; she's a likely candidate to get fired in due time. At the moment, it's just awkward.
If her work-performance is exemplary, or she has already had a fling with a manager; she has the goods on someone. In either of these cases, she has assured her keep. That is, for the time being. She'll mess-up. She sounds like a kook.
How someone dresses is really a managerial or Human Resources issue; unless you are her supervisor, you can only offer your opinion. You have no say regarding what action should be taken. Confrontation and snarky comments will get you into trouble. You're intimidating her and making commentary about her appearance. I'd refrain from that if I were you!
My advice? Less you say, the better off you are. Confrontation is only drawing you into her web. She is the disruptive flake with a crack in her shell that every female employee dreads in an office situation.
Not being at the management level only leaves you the choice of minding your own business and looking the other way when you don't like what you see. If everyone is busy and focused on their jobs, such things are easily ignored. Disruptive behavior, non-work-related quibbling, and gossip flourish in small office situations; but poor management is usually the reason.
She's basically digging her own hole; because eventually someone will get the balls to deal with her. If she's acting like a tart, she's up to no good and she may have already snagged herself a sleazy fool who is too afraid of losing his own job to can her over-exposed bum.
Wait her out. It's just a matter of time before she tires everyone out and management will do their jobs. For now, it seems she may have someone over a barrel; and no one will say or do anything to cover their own backsides.
She's showing off and pushing the envelope, as if daring someone to act on it. Like I said, she's digging a hole, and she'll fall in it soon enough. Let one of the wives of management notice. Things will change quickly. She's a huge liability.
Remain polite and professional. Unless you sign her paycheck, you have little to say about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 April 2017):
 I fully agree with YouWish.
You have TOLD her what you think of her attire, SHE is aware and for whatever reason, she doesn't GIVE two figs about how she is representing herself to her coworkers and anyone who visits the company.
You informed the manager and it IS the manager's job to deal with this issue. Which to me personally? Is not a HARD issue to ignore. Seriously.
Do you have a dress code in this company? A handbook? If so, I suggest you look it over - and if there IS a dress code in there - talk to your manager and suggest HE puts a copy on her DESK.
My guess is, no one is really willing to do anything. And as things go, well an almost bare butt IS distracting but easily avoidable to look at.
Pick your battles and the things you are "outraged" over with care - personally, I'd not pick trying to teach a 30 year old HOW to dress...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): I think you've probably done all you can. She's shooting herself in the foot in terms of her career so if I were you i would just ignore it.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 April 2017):
 Welcome to the 21st century, where calling someone out is a one-way ticket to violent defensiveness. Just go on Youtube and look up confrontations involving people who aren't disabled illegally parked in designated handicapped parking spots. Even when caught red-handed, the level of anger, violence, and self-righteousness is through the roof.
You did the best you could in speaking to the managers about her. It sounds like given that even management is afraid to confront her, she has a bullying personality.
Now, she is you manager's problem, since you have informed them. If she continues to dress inappropriately, or she gets defensive and tries to get even with you for confronting her, then go over your manager's head and go to human resources or whatever.
She is doing it for attention clearly, as you well know. Unfortunately, it's working. But eventually she will attract the wrong attention.
...............................
|
