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Considering our long standing connection, chemistry and flirtationship why has he put me on the back burner now?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 December 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 19 December 2015)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

So there is this guy I've been having a "flirtationship" with since the tenth grade now gone into my senior year of high school the chemistry and attraction between himself and I is undeniable from kisses, hugs and conversations we share.

We just vibe very well together having things in common.

Things were never really made official with him and I, which is kind of upsetting, being that I want more.

With this flirtationship I wanted it to be him and I lowkey and not having everyone in our business about it.

Recently I discovered he has a girlfriend I don't know how long they've been together, I know it wasn't very long though but I found out in school.I was a bit hurt and confused as to why he would rather start over with a whole new girl than to further what we already had.

He still has interest in me because he was currently supposedly still having this flirtationship with me while dating his "new girl".

My feelings are hurt because now I feel like a side piece and he would claim her but not me... I asked him about it and he told me he really likes me and his chemistry with me is just something he doesn't want to let go of (including attraction) but...he doesn't want to ruin the "friendship" we have.

There would even be times that he has confided in me about the issues in his relationship which would hurt me even more because he chose to start over than to continue what we had.

Even now he still text me and calls me telling me things he claims he wouldn't tell his girlfriend continuing the flirtationship. In life I feel it takes a while for u to find a person who matches u and you connect with and chemistry.

But if we have all those things why start over with someone else? Why am I placed on the back burner?

View related questions: flirt, has a girlfriend, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2015):

This is not a difficult question as I have a bit of experience of this scenario or situation , if you like to call it that.

yes he was attracted to you but he has met someone else that he may want to make it official with.

While you are young enough to be in school, he may already be looking for a future wife and perhaps he wants someone with a different perspective to yours.

The answer is to quite simply cut off the friendship and concentrate on what you want out of a life that doesnt have him as your potential future soul mate.

If you are looking for inspiration as to your future heartache i suggest you listen to Adeles hit single "some one like you" because she puts it very well.

I recently had the pleasure of inadvertantly meeting the guy who put me through that and at first I didnt realise who he was but he had the same attentive energy so that finally I realised..but I didnt exactly tell him him that.

I was walking on air after that encounter but it wasnt long before I started to remember just how miserable he made me feel and how unwanted so I took my admiration of him and put it back into the cupboard in pandoras box where it deserved to be.

I wont give you the full details but i expect there are similarities.

what I will say is that you will meet a future partner further down the line.

Whatever the reason is ,he has decided to put his love elsewhwere and unless you want to do an adele an turn up alll soulfully at the wedding and make a song that makes millions of dollars later in life then i suggest you text him something along the lines of:

You have been a great person to be closely linked with, but as I hear you are dating someone else, I cannot continue as your friend because you were always a bit more than that to me.Goodluck and Goodbye.

Then show him no further interest and change your simm card and mobile number and block him on face book with one final text of "no hard feelings by the way,"

Your admiration of him is fuelling your future loss of selfesteem so start thinking like this "he comes across as perfect but such a perfect man doesnt need my help to keep his partner happy and i count to me in my life if in noone else life".

Then think of ways you can improve your future and work towards it.

Some people make you feel temporarily good but not permanently and they go into the"not very important" space in your life because their loyalties lie elsewhere.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 December 2015):

Honeypie agony auntWhy? It's impossible to say. Maybe he was afraid that if he dated you, he would no longer get the flirtation and ego rubs from you. Or he just didn't like you ENOUGH to date you. Fun to flirt with... not sure you are a good match otherwise. Or you are simply not his type (as in GF type) And honestly, if any of these things are the case, I'd (if I were you) DO yourself the favor and cut out the flirtations. Because he is USING you, not much else..

And look at it this way, would YOU like if YOUR BF had a girl on the side for a "flirtationship" with? I bet not.

THIS doesn't mean YOU aren't good enough to date, it's just this guy is too dense to see what he HAD... Or he was smart enough to know that taking it further would lead nowhere.

Friends can have banter and deep conversations, but they need to be aware of what's going on. I have had many male friends I would banter with, talk for hours with (not so much flirt really) - but WHEN they had a GF and/or I had a BF, I would dial it down quite a few notches out of respect for their relationship, my relationship and I expected THEM to do the same for me.

Quite frankly, I don't think I would find a guy who played me like that, as attractive as I thought he was. And yes, I would feel he had played me a bit. But it does happen.

He "friend-zoned" you and you "romantic-zoned" him - so... not a good match.

HIS loss.

Chin up.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (17 December 2015):

It is human nature. If someone can take advantage more often that not, they will. You guys had this flirtationship going on for so long that it while for you only seems natural to progress for him would it would be hard to see anything outside of this. You are on the back burner because you both chose this.

If you wanted more then you should have told him. The fault is just as much on you as it is on him. Also, he chose another girl, so you shouldn't be encouraging bad behavior. Do not stay in the middle of this. You can be his friend without the flirtation. Don't spend some of the best years of your life waiting on someone. The more you comfort him, the least likely he will ever have that wake up call to come to you...not that he WILL, but this path you are on lessens the chances.

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