A
female
age
41-50,
*elonchops
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months. We were childhood sweethearts over 20 years ago. Got back together when both our marriages crumbled (both our partners had affairs). His wife left him in Jan of this year, divorced by June. My divorce is still ongoing. We have been so happy together but just lately (past month) he's had real mood swings happy one minute really down the next. On Saturday he told me that as much as he loved me he wanted to be on his own. Says its nothing ive done wrong but he feels like something isnt right in his head and hes got to work it out, but he doesnt know how long it will take. He is so mixed up its ripping me apart not being able to comfort and help him. I know that he is extremely bitter towards his wife and her boyfriend and has had real trouble "letting go" of these feelings. I am so so scared ive lost him. Any advice would be helpful. He spoken to our friends, who support both of us but he cant explain to them how he feels because he says he doesnt know.
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affair, divorce, got back together Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 Most welcome.I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
A
female
reader, melonchops +, writes (2 November 2009):
melonchops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering my question. I appreicate your honesty, Regards Melonchops
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (1 November 2009):
The divorce has taken its toll on him, and it's all just hit him about what has happened. That doesn't mean you've lost him at all, but I do think it would be a good idea just to give him space to work his own feelings out, while you focus on yourself for the moment, and get yourself trough your divorce, which will no doubt have the same effect on you when it's finished if you let all this get to you. Divorce can be a huge step, and sometimes it just needs time to heal, and time to settle. Give him some time, and perhaps in a few weeks, just call him to see how he is but don't put him under any pressure. Hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (1 November 2009):
A divorce, especially after several years of marriage is a huge change in one's life, as you shoudl know yourself.
There is grief at the loss of the other relationship (regardless of who initiated it). Then there is seeing oneself as a single person, instead of half of a union. His wife left him in January - that is still fairly recent. The divorce being in June is even more so. Then there is meeting his childhood sweetheart. That is a lot of big changes in one's life in such a short period of time. He does need some time on his own. So do you.
It's nothing you've done and as hard as it may be to resist the urge, the tighter you cling the more he'll pull away. Give him the space. Let the dust settle, for both of you.
A new relationship with one you've nurtured feelings for all these years deserves a good start. It does not deserve to be saddled with emotional baggage and legal proceedings.
Maintain a support network of friends and family, and keep doing things you enjoy. It's important for you to keep your spirits up.
Space doesn't necessarily mean things are over. It just means space.
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