A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend (X) and I have been together for almost 4 years now. I like to think of myself as an open minded guy. I'm not morally opposed to having an open relationship, and at times have tried to(and sometimes succeeded) at bringing other people into our bed. This has dropped off more recently, though that's beside the point. I just found out that she was cheating on me with her best friend's(B) boyfriend(C). I found out about this from B, who had just broken up with C and the "incident" supposedly occurred right after they broke up. I confronted X about it, and she confessed, but because she didn't know exactly what I knew, she told me the whole story, which is to say that her and C had sex 4-5 times over the course of about a year. Now, as I've said, I'm not against having sex with other people, and in fact have mentioned that to her in the past and even said that I'd want to be asked before hand. It's the fact that she didn't tell me and hid it from me that makes it a betrayal. She has always professed that I'm the only guy she wants, and has claimed that sex with C was just pity sex(C and B had a rocky relationship that was sexless for a year and a half before they broke up). She said that she didn't want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me, which is absolutely correct, but I've told her in the past that she should always be honest with me, even if it's something that would hurt me. Despite pretty much everything I've read or heard, I ignored my head and followed my heart, deciding to not break up with X. I told her right out that of course I'm mad, and that this won't just go away. That it will take time to heal. That was just three days ago, and I'm still not sure if I made the right decision. While I do think that she really is sorry for it, for the moment at least the trust is broken. I find myself wondering if she's going to do it again, or if she already has. I want to try and work through this with her, but I'm not sure she realizes that it's going to require to make a huge effort to fix our relationship.I'm wondering if there's a chance that we can go back to being happy and move past this. I love her so much, and if I didn't I wouldn't even try. Maybe it's making me blind to the reality of the situation, whatever that is.
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male
reader, Beautifulboy +, writes (9 November 2012):
she will continue to cheat because suspect c is emotionally unavailable guy hints the year and a half rocky relationship he had with b. she wants emotional unavailability because sine c is not the relationship type an presents himself not to care or get to involved with girls,, she knows she would not hurt him by being needy or cheating cuz he wouldnt care but it would hurt you. some girls just dont care about themselves and are drawn to likewise people. she knows mentaly that shes not good enuff for you an will continue to cheat an lie to you to not give you access in finding out who she realy is because she dosent want you to leave her cuz she dosent want to be alone an wants your companionship. an as sick as it sounds, some girls have sex with ppl other than their partners to keep them from falling in love cus say yall have sex an shes at 100% in love with you, shes scared you will hurt her heart...so she has sex with c to knock that connection back to 60%. its an insecure girls survival method. this is a fact in some cases. couple of my exes did it. they never want to keep the love an connection 100 percent with one person cuz of fear of getting hurt.. its very hard for these girls to change to. i say leave her bro. she will keep cheating trust me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): I wouldnt know anything personally, but as i read your post it sounds as if the idea of having sex with other people is okay. Because of the fact that you have brought other people in bed. Its great that youre THAT open minded but there has to be a limit of some sort. Youve trusted her to ask or tell you before hand, which she had not, shows in some way she is just used to doing it. I dont know, im just stating how I see it. it is only my opinion. If youre willing to make this work out for the best dispite the fact you feel betrayed, i wish you luck.
Truely yours,
Alice
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A
female
reader, shellycg  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 Hi ....
If you have an open relationship it has to be just that, and if you are both willing to have an open relationship thats fine..for some people they are happy with that kind of relationship and you wouldnt think that honesty and open relationship go together, but somehow for some people it does.
However, she really should have told you about the encounter she had, as your mind plays tricks when you dont know or when you have found out off someone else.
You need time to mend and to talk and keep talking until you are both back where you were before... it can happen... just give yourself time...maybe a little time out to gather your thoughts..
:)
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 July 2012):
 Situation #1: If you wanted a serious and intimate relationship with your girlfriend, you should have been sleeping with JUST HER. For most people sex is more serious than you have treated it...it isn't just an act. It's an intimate and special bonding experience between two adults.
Situation #2: In relationship to #1, why does she have to report to you if you're in an open relationship? This is what happens when you "open your bed to other people". If you loved this girl as much as you say you do, you wouldn't be inviting other people into the most intimate part of your world and sharing her with others. Now she has taken the whole thing seriously and is having an open relationship and you don't want it. She has to tell you first. The problem is...not everyone plays by your rules my friend. If you wanted to be happy, you should have had an intimate relationship with your girlfriend and girlfriend only...and maybe she would've taken the relationship more seriously too.
If I were you, I'd forgive her for it and chalk it up to being partially your fault. That is, if she's still interested in a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2012):
 When someone cheats then sometimes the relationship just cannot go back to the way it was. It is really difficult to regain trust in someone again no matter how hard you try. I can see you love her though and you want it to work but you are right it will take a lot of work, and she needs to realise you have not just forgiven her and things can go on as they where. She is going to need to work hard in order to try and win back the trust you once had in her, and if she loves you then she will do that. It is going to take some time and effort on both of your parts to over come this, but you need to sit down with her and be completely honest with her about how you feel and what you want.
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