A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In order not to make this too long, here is the situation. Basically:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He ended up cheating on my emotionally (flirting, texting, talking with this girl quite a bit younger). We got back together, things had been fine for about two years now. We both had job/career type changes, and for me, I think it affected our relationship. Not on his part, but on mine? I just don't feel as into him or like I need anyone sometimes. I feel incredibly independent, and not codependent like we had been before/during the breakup. I just started working with this guy last summer. We are professionals and work closely together and spend a lot of time at our jobs together. We are both pretty flirty, but it didn't affect anything until about a week ago. We hung out with friends, flirted and called it a night. The next day I went over to his house to help out with some things (assuming that we wouldn't be the only ones at the house). Well, we ended up flirting again, then flirting led to kissing, which led to groping, which led to oral sex and almost intercourse. It would have if I hadn't made him come early. We have no problem pretending nothing happened at work, but when we are alone we both make comments about what happened, and just almost kind of joke about it. We mentioned a little casual hookup sort of thing for Thursday. Besides the obvious problems/no-nos, I'm most freaked out at the fact that I don't feel bad about being bad. I want to, I don't feel guilty about what happened. Just guilty about NOT feeling guilty if that makes any sense. I need help and someone to help set me straight, please! So sorry, tried to make it shorter.
View related questions:
at work, flirt, got back together, kissing, oral sex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lolak2k +, writes (22 October 2011):
just so you know that could not even have been HIS house. When my husband was cheating on me I found out that he and his friends created a "booty call" ring. They would use each others cell phones, houses, cars so that they would confuse the girls. When one would talk about "jack" it was actually "john's stuff she was around. NOw this should not give you men out there any ideas because it was really messed up what they did to these little girls. They thought they were stupid for falling for their games even though theyd lie about their age to the girls, marital status and everything else. To them it was just a game. Well it broke my marriage into pieces so no it was not just a game. There were some girls that were really popular with the guys...there were a set of twin girls who did "everything" together. I found myspace pages and everything thanks to cell phone log and intelius.com
A
female
reader, Me and Only  +, writes (8 February 2011):
Hey girl, I just want to put out there that I am in the same situation. Exactly. My boyfriend and I have been living and with each other for two years. There has been nothing but love between us. However, I met this guy at my work who is unhappily married has two kids but he loves his kids very much. So much that he can't leave his wife because she will take his kids. He feels like when the kids are older he can leave but they are both very little and small. He doesn't want to hurt them because they are his life. Even before any of this started we would talk about his kids all the time and he is always thinking about his kids. I feel no remorse for starting things with him and I have no idea why. I have always been faithful to my boyfriend and past relationships. I have never been the girl to take a man from his woman. Yet here I am. I feel like I should be ashamed or regretful but I all I think is that he makes me feel happy and then I come home and I am not happy. My boyfriend is nice and caring but....Maybe it is growing up with the fairy-tail story of love then realizing its not a fairy-tail. Maybe it's because my boyfriend acts like he doesn't care about anything...I don't know what to do but I do know it's not a power trip...I think that maybe the women who grow old by themselves and live strong and gracefully have it figured out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): WOW, how easy is it to judge others uh? I feel pissed about all these ppl telling you all these stuff, i mean, EVERYONE has done messed up things in life, and im pretty sure if it wasnt with you, this guy would be cheating with another girl. Im not saying its right, 'cause it absolutely wrong, but you can't hide who you are, and if he is a cheater his wife will eventually find out and leave or stay, but at least she will find out who he truly is. And for you, maybe this is the chance you have in life to realize you need to find somebody else 'cause your boyfriend isnt doing it for you. I know id be hurt if my boyfriend cheated on me, but everything happens for a reason, all the roads you decide to take may lead you to the correct destination. We ALL get hurt regardless of who messes up in the relationship, try not to hurt knowingly, but don't judge to hard, i betcha half of these ppl telling you you are SATAN (lol) have done equally messed up things.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Ask yourselve what your feelings for your boyfriend really are. If he finds this out, do you even care how he feels, or do you think he would just forgive you? What if he breaks of the relationship.
It might be that you just don't care for him anymore. It seeems rather odd that you blaim him for emotionally cheating on you, but think nothing wrong with REALLY cheating on him. Yes making another man cum would definitly count as such.
I would proceed very carefully, this married man is just using you for sex but if his marriage breaks up, you are the one everyone will blame.
Examine what you still feel for your boyfriend and if there is nothing left, end the relationship.
Break of the affair with the married man as nothing good will come of being the other woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I agree with "yuck". Grow up. There are plenty of single men you have the freakiest of sex with to last you a life time. Leave the married ones alone. The fact that you don't feel guilty isn't the problem. The fact that you seem so PROUD of it is what is truly sad. Karma is a bitch, so watch your husband if you ever get married.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): You need someone to help set you straight, what to give you some morals and integrity and faithfulness to your boyfriend? Sorry can't give you those things. You don't feel guilty because you don't care about the consequences and you wanted it to happen so it did. You talk about yourself as if you are power hungry, a professional, you feel completely independent, etc.
You have a secure, safe relationship with your boyfriend apparantly, and that gives you the security of not having to care about being sexually rejected by men, and you like using your sexuality to control men, like this married guy, you "made him come early"....what a thrill for you!
Guess that is why you don't feel guilty. This married co-worker and you working so closely together and the fact that he is married is not a good thing for your career, bad move, one or both of you are going to end up fired...and the women in your office especially if you are found out will label you the office trollop, they will feel threatened that you would have sex with a married man.
What about his wife and kids. Did you think about them when you were fooling around with him in their family home? Maybe that would "set you straight" if you got a mental picture of his family arriving home to see the two of you going at it like a couple of dogs....sorry, but that is what you sound like with all the groping and oral sex, yuck is all I can say.
...............................
|
