A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i dont know if i was raped or not.i went to a party last week and got quite drunk. i didnt think i was that drunk but i do remeber people saying that i was sluring my words and there are parts of the night that i cant remeber. about 3 in the morning, me and my friend (a girl) left the party to go back to my house. one of the lads 'b', who liked my friend, said that he would drive us and then another lad said that he would come aswell. when we got back to my house, whilst 'B' talked to my friend, the other lad 'j' started touching my bum and making a pass at me and suggested that we go upstairs. i said no and then went to my friend and 'b' and asked them to go lie in the double bed upstairs so i didnt have to with 'j'. they said no though and i told them that i never wanted to have sex with'j'.abit later i went upstairs and 'j' followed me. i did go into the room with the double bed though, however i said no i didnt want to have sex. but then he just took all his clothes off and took my pants off. i kept saying no and that i didnt want to do it but he was persistant. eventually i gave in, and all i remeber thinking was 'if i give him what he wants it'll be over sooner'. but i never screamed or physically puched him off so i cant say that it was rape can i? im really sorry for it being so long but now i just feel dirty, i dont want to speek to anybody or tell anybody about it even though his friends keep giving me aload of abuse about it. i havent eaten in 2 days since it happened and the thought of it makes me feel sick. i dont know what to do because hes my ex boyfriends best friend and was ment to be my friend.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bliss84 +, writes (20 May 2007):
Yes it is rape. Rape is defined as "form of assault where an individual forces another to have sexual intercourse against that person’s will." In your case you said no a number of times and it was very clear that you did not wish to have sex with him. Giving in is a form of helplessness and not consent, you gave in because you were not able to escape him and not because you wanted to have sex with him. He took off his cloths BEFORE you gave in, and therefore without your consent. Maybe if you didn't give in he would have forced you into it with you kicking and screaming.
I am sorry you had to go through this, but you need to talk to someone about it and possibly report "J". Two days ago he emotionally forced you into sex, I have a feeling in the future he will physically forces others into sex. This is how it all starts, when rapers start get away with their actions and are not punished for them. J raped you, maybe others before you and most likely more after you. He needs to be stopped now before this continues.
He is obviously not a friend of yours, I wouldn't dream of hurting any of my friends let alone put them through something like this.
This experience will effect you emotionally (it obviously have since you have not eaten for two days), and will not leave you until you deal with it. The best way to deal with it is by counselling, if you are uncomfrotable with the idea then talk to someone you trust and love about it. I believe best counselling comes from friends and family.
Things you need to consider is getting yourself checked for STD and pregnancy. I know it seems harsh to say this now, but it might create more problems if you don't deal with them now.
Again, I am sorry you had to go through this, If you need any more help, or even just to talk then you can e-mail me.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): That was rape! You told him no several times. He should have respected your wishes. You should make an appointment with the schools counselor to discuss this.
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A
male
reader, Rikki  +, writes (20 May 2007):
Whatever happend is not ur fault at all. And u should be worried about it. Its rape...U tell ur boy friend immediately with out delay. If he love u truely, he will understand and teach his friend a good lesson. U should not think it as ur fault. And expose that boy. Dont keep any thing inside
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): Whatever happend is not ur fault at all. And u should be worried about it. Its rape...U tell ur boy friend immediately with out delay. If he love u truely, he will understand and teach his friend a good lesson. U should not think it as ur fault. And expose that boy. Dont keep any thing inside
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): You were pressured into doing something you didn't want to do. But you say you gave in. Unfortunately, the law isn't gonna see this as rape since you admit you gave in. sucks dont it?... if you didn't say 'yes', then no matter how drunk you are, it would've been rape. (plus you'll have a hell of a job trying to get a conviction especially in the UK)
if something like that ever happens again (which I seriously hope doesn't), be sure to give him a good knee strike to the groin area. If he's got an erection at the time, a good strike can paralyse a guy for hours
Try not to blame yourself for it, he's an asshole. If someone should ever rape his ass, be sure to laugh, video it and post it somewhere on the web
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 If you said no, even once, it's rape. Period. You should go to a doctor immediately, because it's harder to prove over time. I wish you the best of luck.
DV1
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