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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I do hope I can get some good advice. Broke up four months ago with my boyfriend. We still talked and occasionally saw each other when he visited me (don't know why he bothered travelling all this way!). Well, last weekend I was in his city visiting friends (his flatmates, my former flatmates) and found out he was dating a girl. He insists he was going to tell me (when- I don't know- they already went out thrice) and says it won't go anywhere. I realize that he was not under any obligation to tell me but it just felt like betrayal all over again. He had cheated multiple times and we broke up after I found out. He says he was going to tell me about the girl and didn't want to give me any reasons not to trust him again. I cannot believe anything he says- especially when he asked our friends NOT to tell me. Am more angry at myself for being affected by it all. Or because he is ready to move on and I am not there yet, don't know when I will be. For now I just want to know how I can forget about everything and get a good night sleep for a change! Am 24 years old, into my second year of my Ph.D and cannot simply go to work everyday on three hours of sleep! I need to get over this whole ugly business.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Hey! Thank you all for your help. I guess I know what to do. Except that I keep listening to Dire Strait's Romeo and Juliet- no idea why- haven't listened to it in years! Man!
On the upside, am finally doing things I've always wanted to. Just booked my holiday to Portugal. Excited, a l'l scared about traveling alone, but here's hoping I'll meet some fun people there! Thanks again. Am just trying not to think about everything. But seems the harder I try, the more I think about it! Argh!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 You forgive him for what he has done to you and you blessed him and wished him well.Then you write a goodbye letter to him and burnt it.I think you will be able to sleep well after that.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (5 February 2008):
I understand your pain.Even as a man,i'm going through a similar thing as i can't seem to get over my ex.You really have no option but to be strong for your won sake.The less you know about his life the better.That's what i believe.You need to detach yourself from him and focus less on him.The more curious you are,the more you throw yourself in a vicious circle.
Take care.
Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
Its most definatly not nice to find out via friends, It can make you feel foolish and this is how you may have taken the news. You have gone to meet your friends confident and they tell you this, Im betting your stomach went into a real sick feeling and you felt like getting out of there hun, After all yea you are right he doesnt need to tell you but at the end of the day your human and this kind of thing can hurt.
You have nothing to feel bad about first, He cheated on you quite a few times love so if you ask me you are well rid and he probably cannot stay faithfull to anyone, You are worth so much more than this worrying as you cant change anything hunny, Your friends may have told you out of kindness so you didnt find out in another way and with them knowing it would have appeared they had kept the truth from you. Its still a I want to run situation though.. You are probably a little angry with yourself for being affected by this on your day out with friends, But you cant help your feelings love. Take this as a learning experience you have a good career ahead and you will look back on this hopefully one day and think thank god he did leave as who wants to be with someone they canot trust anyway. Hunny I hope this has helped and you sleep better very soon good luck to you sweetheart WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, happyholly  +, writes (5 February 2008):
I am so sorry you are having a bad time. I do think when ever he had told you about the new girlfriend b 4 or after you would have still been upset. I dont think its the time its just he has moved on and it hurts. As far as him telling you it wont go far with the new gf, He is not going 2 tell you any different. Can you imagine how hard it would have been to tell you if he knows you are still upset about the split and then 2 tell you he has another gf( No win situation for him and pain for you which ever way he goes) I feel he does not want 2 hurt you any more than he already has. Its a fact of live we are not meant 2 b with certain people and even though it hurts you would not want 2 b withsome 1 who does not want 2 be with you. You need 2 keep busy and maybe go out with new people for a bit, people who dont know you X. Another tip dont listen 2 music that makes you day dream and try not 2 go 2 places that you and your x would have gone. Good luck and i know its a bugger but time really does heal and u will move on . Let me know how it goes.
Good luck,Holly xxx
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