A
male
age
36-40,
*onaldron
writes:Hi all,I hav this crush with this family friend. She's 17 and i'm 25. Well basically it's her who initiated and sort of pushed me to say my feeling to her. I didn't formally say that i like her (but we both told a story which is pretty obvious pointing each other) and yeh we were all good for a few days. On that nite(25th/Mar) i told her that i'll go to her state and formally propose to her(i mean proposal of likeness, not like a marriage proposal) and yeh it was all good a few days.But then she went to a camp. During the camp she still sent me messages saying how bad she misses me etc. But on the day she got back from camp(30th/Mar), she changed a lot. I know she's been thinking a lot on that day but i didn't push her to tell. She didnt say my messages are sweeet anymore(well not as frequent,before it's like every sweet message i sent she'll say awww. so sweet babe, but now she doesn'teven do it).then a week after her camp she still sort of send me back messages saying she missed me(but it's far less than before, it was 7,8 sms both ways , then that week was like 1,2 both way, and up to today, i'ts like 1 per 3 days, basically cuz i've lost my courage to message her any more) Then as time goes by, another week passed, she finally express some of her feelings on the 9th april, this is what she said" well, we both know why you are coming and that's cool. but what happens after? you're still in ur state and i can't stay as close as you as i like when ur not here.and i dont know if at ur age u want something more serious whereas at where i am i'm still more casual. It's like the uncertainty of everything is worrying me.Then i text back how i thought bout that. THen she said she wants to think about it for a while so i just left her alone. Then on that nite she sent this to me" How was ur day lovely, i missed you." then i told her what i was doin that nite blablabla, and asked whether i'm with my ex gf out, i explained no and then she go ok, enjoy ur nit blablabla. Well then i gav her another time thinking. on the 11th i just sent hre a message saying , i'm there for her if anything is wrong and assuring her i didnt forget about her" then she messaged back blablablThen ididnt contact her for a day or two, on the 13th she sent me this "Hmm..i've really missed you this weekend. Talk to you soon."So i thought she did clear her thought and she's ready to start, or maybe talk on the phone again(well last time i talk with her on the phone over 1 min is back to 7th april i think.Then i started to ask if it's ok to call..blablabla, then everytime i asked, she either say she had a big nite so she's tired or she got stuff from uni to do. like for the whole week.There's this day i sent a sms the nite before to ask if it's ok to call, next morning she said it's alright she was asleep, That's fine. Then i message back straight away, "i'ts fine babe, can i cal u tonite" then it's over 9 hours later i still didnt get a reply, so i was sort of fed up and i sent this "so can i interpret that as a NO, tell me if you dont want to talk to me anymore, dont worry bout my feeling cuz urs always more important" Then she finaly sent back saying " oh i was in a shower and i was at uni all day doin stuff then igot volunteering balblabl, " well i'm not trying to think bluntly, but she's alwyas been busy but back then she alwyas reply my messages, the longest one took her say a few hours to reply just cuz she was in a lecture. but now it's over 9 hours and it was cuz i sent something to her again.Then again i sent back messages and her messaages is not as sweet as before anymore. but she did assure this to me, "Oh my gosh, i didnt sayi didnt want to talk to you ever again. I just dont want to talk about us until ur here. i miss you too still i want to see u but i dont wanna talk bou tus until we're in person.you are overthinking everything. i feel the same as i did before but we've just slowed it down. CAn you plese try not thinkin i've stopped needing you or something. i need u to trust me that although we stopped talking as much i still want you okay?"Then on the 19th i was on msn with her. after the conversation i decided it wont be right to go to her state anymore so the next morning i cancelled the flight and sms her. Then we didnt' talk until i sent her a mesage 2 days ago apologizing for being pushy. (cuz i was saying if i came over, her parents will know bout us, yes i was very unthoughtful of her position in this aspect, not many parents can accept an older bf like me, esepcailly it's family fd thing) then she replied" Hey it's okay, dont worry bout it. i'm disappointed i wont get to see you though. I stil trust you so dont worry. i hope you had a good day. Talk soon (: sweet dreams lovely.Then today i sent her a video message, it's all missing u pics plus some text. Yeh i didnt even get a reply anymore.i dont get her. Can girls tell me what she's thinking.Well i just dont know what she wants anymore. It was her who initiated then it's also her who's doin all these...
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male
reader, Ronaldron +, writes (29 April 2009):
Ronaldron is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys...just a little up date for what's going on..
i think i got her annoyed already and she's not picking up my phone anymore nor replying me by text...
oh well....
life moves on...but it's quite painful like i've put in too much of my feeling in this thing...
silly me...i knew at the beginning it wouldn't work out that good...why did i still do that for...i'm just so stuffed up now..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): yeah you are longing for her, i know the feeling dude! Just hang in there and try not to think about her and go about doing your daily activitys. but untill she contacts you.. it will all get better in time. goodluck
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A
male
reader, Ronaldron +, writes (25 April 2009):
Ronaldron is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys..
thanks heaps for ur advices.
I think i've been thinking it through(sort of) and i started to control myself a bit more(might be too late cuz i already got her annoyed) But yeh i've left my phone at work purposely this weekend so i wont be able to call or sms her.
I reflected myself quite a lot, i actually did get obsessive bout her not replying. while before she made me to express myfeeling, it was always me who waited for a fwe hours before i replied(i wastn' playing game, just that i'm at work)
The last message i sent her was Thursday and i wont be able to get my phone til tuesday evening. I gues it's better than keep on contacting her or bombarding her.
But yeh , i guess tha's what a teenage is like. And as far as i know there are so many guys who are after her, a guy from uni who only met her once, a volunteer manager who manages her. But back then she actually told me she told them she's interested in someone else at that moment and she's indicating me. That gav me so sososso much power , to work , to do anything..My day back then was just soososos sweet.
That's why igot obsessive i think..cuz i just want the days to come back..
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Basically she is a teenager - this is what teenagers do. One minute they can be really into someone, have a major crush on them etc. But then the next minute they can have found something/someone different to be interested in. You have just got involved with a girl who is too young to give you what you want - that is the simple answer for you!
You want a girl who will want to spend time with you, call you, text you back when you have text her....all the normal stuff you expect from a relationship. Whereas she wants to go out with her friends, be young and free - she doesnt want to have to text some guy back every 5 minutes!
She is too young to settle down or commit to anyone, and she is actually being pretty sensible is saying that she doesnt want to talk about your relationship until she sees you. It is almost impossible to have a long distance relationship with someone so young - she will want a boyfriend that she can see whenever she wants and have fun with, not some guy that is forever worrying about what she is doing or why she hasnt text back within 21 minutes and 32 seconds!
You are becoming obsessive with this - you can name the exact dates of when things happened, the exact amount of time she took to text you etc. You need to back off - you will be majorly scaring her. I think you are never going to find what you want in this girl - she is simply too young for you. While you may really like her she just wont ever be able to make you happy because you want different things.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): mate im going to give you one peice of advice, and thats to distance yourself from her.. your bombarding her with to many questions and sms's regarding your too's "label". You have to make her miss you and reach out to you, only way by doing this is not to give her any attention and make her realise what she really wants in life, if she wants you then she will contact you, if she doesnt...then move on. How do i know this? well im in a LDR right now of 6 years (even tho we have broken up more then i can count) She is in QLD i am in PERTH and we see eachother once a month and its possibly the hardest off all types of relationships however it is the strongest love relationship there is, because it makes you value the person more you are seing because of the distance. It is built on trust and love.
I know your in love with this girl but you have to give her time...trust in her.. but for now dont contact her untill she contacts you! Thats all you really can do for now..if you keep pressuring her and sms'ing her it will just push her away..trust me i know this from experience. Before i go.. when she contacts you ask her about her passed relationships and if she has been heartbroken..that may be one of the reasons she is stalling... tell her that she is the only one for you and that if she does not want you then for her to let you go.
goodluck
tim
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