A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and have a great, caring, passionate relationship together. We often go out on a date night, go to our friends parties, etc together. Although neither of us are eachother's first long-term relationship, my boyfriend lost his virginity to me. With his first girlfriend of 2 years, his girl was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage and he respected that. When we got together, I was not a virgin, so 'saving it for marriage' was not as important to him and one thing led to another and we are very happy with our love lives and do not regret anything. We love to try new things in the bedroom just for variety's sake and to find out new things we like. Recently he told me that if he were single he would have loved to have tried a threesome before committing to a relationship that could possibly last forever, if things work out and we get married. This makes me feel bad because I do not want to deprive him of that experience just because his first time happened to be with a girl he was serious about, and he may not be young and single ever again to have the opportunity. I know he is very happy with me, and would never value that over being with me, but should I let him go for awhile just to have fun? I feel guilty because I've had all the 'single sexual experiences' before we met. I would personally not consider having a threesome with him (that's not on my bucket list). Should I just ignore this and let him sacrifice that desire for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your help and advice. To clear things up, he never ASKED me to have a threesome. I am glad we can share our sexual fantasies and desires openly with one another and was not upset that he has fantasizes about this. I simply want to make him as happy as possible and wanted to know how to handle the situation. We talked about it and I defined my limits and he is happy with our relationship and values us over the fantasy. :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2013):
 threesomes foursomes, fivesomes, orgies, are all HIGHLY Over rated... BTDT done all of them...
He said he wishes.. wishing is normal. He has not asked.
you offering to set him free to go experience it would be misinterpreted as you wanting out of the relationship.
file this under information he shared with you because he loves and trusts you and let it go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Yeah kick the guy to the curb. His GF asked him a question about his sexual fantasies and he answered her honestly. What kind of dickhead does that? Any decent guy would have read his GF's mind and not given her an answer that she would have problems with.
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A
female
reader, mspollard +, writes (24 June 2013):
 no sweetie you are better than that,, I dont think he sees it,,why would he want to bring another woman in the bedroom,, Is he trying to say your not good enough for him? you dont arouse him enough to the point where he has the urge to bring in someone else?you two are suppose to b n a relationship.. not the three of you.... he is not worth it and he needs to be single so single him out!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): Wait a minute. Lets back up a step here. Has this guy even ASKED for a threesome?
It sounds to me like you asked him to reveal his feelings, and now you are upset (and the Agony Aunts on here are ripping him a new one) because you don't like what you heard.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Here's a thorough script for exactly how you can handle this. You sit him down, and say,
"Listen, hunchy-bunchy, I know you said you'd like to have a threesome..... I, on the other hand, have no interest in a threesome (regardless of the line-up... which you didn't mention!)..... Soooo, if you MUST have that threesome, get another girlfriend and have at it. IF you want me to be your girlfriend.... AND you want our relationship to go longer than the next few minutes... THEN you will have to reconcile to yourself that your preference is rather off-the-wall... it is NON-NEGOTIABLE for and by me... and ONLY you can make the final choice..... Threesome, or me. Your reply?"
.... and that will give you your answer...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (21 June 2013):
If you have a great relationship DON'T DO IT.... this will change everything and not for the better. Don't do it to please him, that my sister you will regret.
Respect how you feel.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2013):
 Sorry, I forgot to add that it seems to me that he is expecting that because you don't have a problem with pre-marital sex that you should have NO problem with the 3-some. That shows a lack of respect from him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2013):
The main point I want to make is for YOU to decide IF you want to do this FOR YOU.
If he feels like NOT getting a 3-some is somehow going to DEPRIVE him something FANTASTICAL then maybe the 3-some is more important to him then a monogamous relationship with YOU.
He MIGHT resent down the line that you declined, but ANYONE should be allowed to say NO to things in a relationship. I have seen (specially on here - DearCupid) girls and women who have agreed to various sexual fantasies of their BF/Partners JUST to please him/her and ended up regretting it big time.
Not all fantasies HAVE to be lived out. Not all fantasies are even anything like the actual fantasy, that is REALITY.
Stick to your guns.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Agree with what everyone else said. In order to be depriving him, it has to be something he was going to have but gave up to be with you. I know like 5 people, maybe, who have done threesomes. And none of them actually enjoyed it (all just enjoyed the bragging rights, but not so much the actual experience).
Basically, you have every right to have boundaries on this. He's being manipulative and using a sort of passive aggressive tactic to make you feel like he's the one being the martyr and you're the one being controlling, when in fact no such thing is occurring. It's fine for him to fantasize about a threesome. It's fine for him to even mention that fantasy. But it's not fine to try to manipulate you into one by being passive aggressive like he's doing.
I tried to find some way to add onto this, but it's so perfect I'm just copying and pasting it so it will be said twice: "It's quite funny actually that he has the gall to say if he were single he would have loved to have tried a threesome before committing to a relationship that could possibly last forever - given that he'd been in a 2 year relationship with no sex - with no expectation of sex until marriage! For him to suddenly turn round and decide that a threesome is vital for his well-being is laughable. He's testing how far he can push the boundaries with you. He knows he has no right to expect you to give in.
Just don't feel guilty about setting boundaries :-)" Also everything else she said. Seriously well said answer.
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A
female
reader, queenadelaide  +, writes (21 June 2013):
Most people have fantasies that deviate from the norm. Ironically, that is normal. But you don't have to bend over backward to accommodate his every need or you will lose self. So don't feel guilty drawing a boundary and saying no, you are not prepared to go there. You don't owe it to him to make up for his missed opportunities. He decided his own path. Too bad he met you before he'd sown his wild oats, but that's not on you. The notion of having an open relationship so that he can fulfil a fantasy that will last no more than a few hours is quite frankly, ridiculous. If he loves you as much as it sounds like he does, it's a no brainer. Risking a potentially lifelong relationship for a few hours of sex with strangers is not what someone who is serious about spending their life with you will do. So don't make a big deal out of it. Say no - and leave it at that. It's then up to him to either stay with you with no threesome or leave you and have a bit of fun.It's quite funny actually that he has the gall to say if he were single he would have loved to have tried a threesome before committing to a relationship that could possibly last forever - given that he'd been in a 2 year relationship with no sex - with no expectation of sex until marriage! For him to suddenly turn round and decide that a threesome is vital for his well-being is laughable. He's testing how far he can push the boundaries with you. He knows he has no right to expect you to give in.Just don't feel guilty about setting boundaries :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): Um, no.
No one has the right to feel DEPRIVED from a threesoome. Let me put it another way: having sex with two girls at the same time is not something people are entitled to or should whine about if they don't get to.
People can go on perfectly fine without ever having a threesome, anal sex, etc. To say you don't want to deprive him of this kind of experience is not equivalent to telling someone you're depriving them of a chance to...study abroad, visit another country, go to Disney World, etc.
It's nothing to feel guilty about is what I'm getting at.
If you're very comfortable with it, then fine. If not, tell him and he better not bring it up again.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 woops! As I was saying, I get frustrated with guys who seem to think a threesome with them receiving all the lurv from two chicks taking care of his every need would be the peak of sexual success. What's more important, a threesome or his relationship?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (21 June 2013):
Tell him the only threesome you will consider is boy/girl/boy and how much you are looking forward to seeing him taking it up the doo lacky!
I am happy to see you are not willing to consider a threesome with him, I don't see how not getting his way with this is him making a sacrifice.
Just tell him NO, and if he cant handle that he can either chose to stay with you or go get a new girlfriend. His choice.
PS, I get really frustrated with guys who seem to t
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