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Boyfriend has still kept nude pics of his ex despite being with me for 4 years and 2 kids together

Tagged as: Cheating, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 April 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2017)
A female Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So I was trying to get photos off of my camera and save them to my external hard drive using my boyfriends computer.

I Accidentally clicked on his porn folder (I don't care that he has porn saved to his computer) my eye was caught by a photo of his ex. (I know what his ex looks like from a trip they took together years before we got together)

The photo that caught my eye was the header of a folder, when I clicked into the folder I discovered quite a lot of photos (nudes ) of his ex. I had seen a couple before (we have been together for over 4 years) and had asked him to get rid of them and he said he had. I moved on.

Having discovered more today I feel like I have been cheated on. We have 2 kids together and the date modified on the folder showed just this past fall.... While I was pregnant.

Why would he stash these photos away? Things ended really badly so I don't get why he's kept them.

View related questions: his ex, my ex, porn

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (20 April 2017):

chigirl agony auntSo the computer didn't allow for deletion? That is very odd. Im glad you resolved it, though. Best of luck onward and hope you don't discover anything else like this in the future ;)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the suggestions and advice guys. I have talked it out with my BF and everything has been resolved. I discovered the computer is the culprit for my dismay.

I went to delete the photos and got error messages stating the path was corrupted/ couldn't find the file in order to delete them.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (19 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntOh gosh this is a hard one. He obviously still looks at them, and I can only imagine why. I would have to speak to him about it, I personally couldn't keep going knowing my partner was looking at his ex when I am right there. It is even worse that you where pregnant. Talk to him before you let it eat you up including your self esteem.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

I don't agree about deleting them. If he is still seeing her, as you saw these photos had been updated just a while ago, then I think it's highly unlikely he's going to ask you where the nude pictures of his ex are. Especially as he's already told you he's deleted them.

And if he is still seeing her he can get some more.

I think you could tell him what happened and that you see he still has them. And ask why he's still looking at them and modifying folders with them in. I would ask in a straightforward and unemotional way, why? Ask him if he'd be ok if it was the other way around.

I know men like to keep nude pics whenever they can and they probably don't hold the importance to them as they do to us. But if you were keeping nude pictures of your ex's privates and looking at them and modifying folders with the photos of them in, how would he feel I wonder? Would the male anon who replied they're just like holiday pics, feel the same if he has a girlfriend/wife and she's looking at pictures of her ex's dick? Don't think so.

Sadly with technology as it is, all this kind of thing is so easy, it's never going to stop.

So you have to ask yourself has this ruined your relationship with your boyfriend in any way? And if so how? And then tell him. Give him a chance to put it right.

If the conversation and outcome is not to your satisfaction and you feel cheated on, then there is the avenue of counselling.

I know that this could be swept under the rug and if he isn't physically cheating, then where's the harm? BUT if this is making you unhappy and making you feel as if you've been cheated on, then that's difficult to sweep away.

I was in a five year relationship some time ago and my ex had a briefcase that he kept locked most of the time. (If I'd had something like that, he'd have gone mad). Anyway, I never really thought about it and he occasionally would open it in front of me and get some paperwork out, he showed me a picture of his first wife that was in there etc. No biggie. Then one day I realised that there was a little cine camera in there and I asked outright if there were nudes of exes on there and he denied it. I didn't believe him because it was the only thing in there that was worth locking away.

But as he was very much with me and it was in his past I forgot about it and thought if he wants to keep images of an ex then I guess so.

Although I was already emotionally checking out of the relationship for other reasons so maybe not a fair comparison.

You have to go with your gut on how this is making you feel and address it with him. Calmly, rationally and in a non-accusatory manner. It's the only way you'll get a conversation about it worth having. Good luck x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

I have to step in and say no way to the male anonymous about comparing it to photos of family and memories etc, and to leave it alone- no way should this idiot have nude pictures of an ex and especially as you've told him to get rid! I have to say I'm with chi-girl too!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

Why do we save pictures of loved ones or holiday pictures or party pictures or graduation pictures. Saving pictures of his ex is the same. So let them be.

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A male reader, Dodds Kenya +, writes (18 April 2017):

Dodds agony auntHahaha am with Chi girl on this

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (18 April 2017):

chigirl agony auntOh and do clean the trash bin after deleting the pictures... Get rid of them properly.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (18 April 2017):

chigirl agony auntWhy do you think he kept them? Dont be naive. They were in his porn file, how much more obvious can it get?

Here is what you do: take a screenshot to save the evidence. Store it somewhere only you have access to (such as you Outlook or sky drive). Then delete all the pictures. And dont say anything at all about it. Just play dumb with him. See if he dares to ask you directly about his missing pictures. If he never brings it up, its water under the bridge.

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