A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my gf went away for 8 days for my birthday. It was a great time but when I got back I was disappointed that I had to come back home to relieve myself (we are living separate due to distance and jobs, planning to move in next year). She tells me she loves me and texts me that after the trip daily. I feel like she was looked after well, I took care of her emotional needs, cuddles, hugs, compliments and just great fun activities as well as lovely romantic dinners but she would be tired end of the day. I picked up signs and kissed her good night. If I did make a move she would just cuddle me and talk about the day. I thought it was okay with it until I got home and felt like I hadn't connected with her physically. She used to make big deal on my birthday, which at least would involve dinner and we would go for drinks and spend some time together, if she didn't want sex she would jus relieve me. But this time I didn't ask twice as it feels pushy. We are extremely comfortable with each other but she says we can do it next time.Problem is, I don't feel wanted, like she wants me. She does emotionally but physically I'm not so sure. I mean surely if she wanted to make me happy she would at least try once in 8 days. Now we are back into our routines, she works 10 hours a day and I do similar it's back to texting. It's like I feel like friends. How do I say this without upsetting her? I do love her but is it red flag that maybe we are not compatible? It would break both of our hearts not to be together but surely she must desire it. If not, she would want to please me just like I do things for her.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2023): Some women are eager to be with a guy because he is pleasant company, or spends money on her, or it is better than being seen to be single, or being alone, who knows what her reason is but something like this is going on. Or she may be the sort who wants to be seduced and wants you to make the first move, and she may be thinking the same thing you are, that you are slow or not interested. You are the one who spends time with her so you are the one who has to work it out based on your past experiences and talks with her. How do you know she sees you as a boyfriend or partner anyway, and not just a platonic friend?
Relationships without communication do not work, never have and never will. If you don't start to be more open and honest and chatty you will never be able to have a good relationship that lasts - with her or anyone else. Dumping her is just part of it, being the same with someone else means it happens again, sooner or later. If you are good at giving relationship advice, good at understanding situations and people, good at being able to help them with the right words then why not join me at one of my websites askagonyauntsadviceonline.com where clients pay an average of $65 per hour for such advice. It's a busy big website and I am very proud of how well it is doing in just a few weeks. You could benefit from it too. Take a lot and see, no obligation or promises either way.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 August 2023):
 Yes, there is definitely something going on. If my partner didn't want sex even once in the 8 days that we were on a holiday, I'd be pissed too. Will talking help? I'm not sure because it's like asking someone to love you back when they don't want to.
What I think is, she is taking advantage of you in the sense that she is in a relationship without the sex
(for reasons known to her) and that suits her just fine. There is no way she thinks that you are ok with this but because she knows you well enough to know that you won't say anything to her, she is just treating you the way she wants to.
It's pretty obvious that you are not compatible. Imagine being married to her and living a sexless life. Can you so that? I know I can't! Sure you love her but without the sex, it's a platonic relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2023): Sounds like you need to talk things out with her in the open. Be honest and encourage her to be. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2023): If we leave out some major trauma aside, her behavior is very much a tell-tale sign of somebody who may still love their partner, but not in love with him anymore.
I went through this and sexual attraction was the first thing to go. I blamed myself for a while, but then I realized that it wasn't my fault and that I would hurt him even more by draging things out even longer than I already had.
When this happened to me again, I recognized the sign and broke it off.
So, yes. You two need to talk.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2023): I think its time to have a sit down and ask her whats wrong . Men do crave sexual interaction as way of affection . ( my hubby is the spare room as our daughter in our bed with me because she been not well, and he's finding it hard )
There could be so much at play here. Maybe she having issues in her private area like uti or in early menopause.. you need to ask her . Maybe she miserable at work or someone passed .. grief can make you shut down sexually ..
This is a guessing game . Until you sit her down and ask .. I can't say really .
Explain to her that being intimate makes you feel her love and wanted .
Be honest with yourself how long you will wait...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2023): TBH,the situation does not seem too promising to me. Since you live separated for the time being, having thiscrare occasion of spending 8 days together and spending them all without physical intimacy, well , it does not sound like there's a lot of passion. Definitely not on her side , since "we can do it next time " works better when you live together. But if next time is going to be in weeks or months, one would think she would want to seize the day , so to speak. And you too, in a way...it's great that you do not want to pressure her , but if you don't even want to bring up the subject and find out if there's anything wrong, it makes it sound as if sex with her is something that you can take or leave, either way is fine.
I don't know, I hope I am wrong but I think that there 's a lack of physical attraction /compatibility between you , I'm sure you care for each other and you get along famously - but that's something that can be told about many brothers and sisters , which you are not.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (28 August 2023):
 It sounds like you are both going through the motions, and you are both to kind to tell each other your true feelings for fear of hurting one another.
I just get the feeling that the pair of you are better suited as friends, i think you maybe have a have a proper talk with her and discuss where this relationship is actually going. If you don't have any communication over this i feel nothing will ever change and you will just both be treading on egg shells around each other over the physical side of things.
The physical side is not everything, there are many other aspects to a relationship that make it work, but it sounds like there is no sexual attraction here whatsoever.
Think the key here here is communication, you need to have the chat with her and discuss your future together, if you don't you will continue going round in circles.
...............................
|
