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Are there any good guys in the world? If so, where are they?

Tagged as: Cheating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2015)
A female South Africa age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Am i going crazy? Ive recently deleted all my male list on my messenger app. I find it hard to make male friends. Every male i saw as a potential friend eventually ends up telling me that he is interested in me and wants a relationship. I just went through the worst heartbreak by far. The first time i dated an older guy. .i should have known better that guys dont matter what age they are they still guys. .(immature). Im sorry, im upset that i let him treat me bad. He had another girlfriend secretly, he didnt even tell me when we started dating. Everything was a lie from the start. I went to an extend of trying to satisfy him beyond my ground rules. I wanted to give him my virginity so he would treat me right. One day we had problems and he proposed one of my friends on facebook. My friend told me then he apologised and begged me for another chance. I told him that it was the last time he will ever see me (since i will be going to the university). He is working but has never done anything nice for me like take me to a romantic dinner. He always wanted me to meet him at his place. At some point i lost my mind and gave him a two heart neck lace that was a gift to me from my cousin. I told him the hearts represent our love. He accepted it and now i want that neck lace back, he doesnt deserve anything from me. It took me seven months to realise that i dont need him. Ive been miserable for the past seven months and i think its starting all over again. After that relationship ive not been able to find true happiness. He was not my first boyfriend he is the only older guy ive ever dated. Now all guys disgust me. My old guy friend recently told me that he cannot be my friend anymore he wants us to date because being my friend is difficult for him. Other guy whom i thought was nice told me that he knows that ive been aroused before out of nowhere. So i blocked him. .why are guys the way that they are? Will i ever find someone who makes me happy? Are there good guys in the world? If yes tell me where to find them. I am tired of smiling to guys now i just look at them with a serious dead face and say hi. I dont want to grow old miserable because of a guy. I need your help.

View related questions: cousin, facebook, university

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015):

Players hit on 10 women for every 1 they get. Guys looking for serious relationships are much choosier and don't waste their effort on women who don't strike them as a possible relationship match (rather than hookup).

Think about how this affects the way you perceive the men.

It means when you go into a room with an equal 50/50 split of players and serious guys, about 90% of the guys who approach you will be the players. But that 90/10 split of who approached you did not match the 50/50 pattern of men in the room. It only SEEMS like guys are all the aggressive player types from your position.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (30 August 2015):

chigirl agony auntYes, there are good guys. But they roam in circles where most women will not find them, they are usually the ones who don't believe women are interested in them, and you can recognize them by the number of girlfriends they have ever had. If he's had few girlfriends, and long lasting relationships, then he is a good guy. Bad guys have multiple women, use women, lie etc. A woman will not stay with a bad guy for long, it will only be short affairs. So if you meet a man who has never had a serious relationship, he is probably a player and will only use you. Do not trust a man on his word alone, meet his friends, his family, and maybe even meet his ex girlfriend to see that he is genuine. A good guy will often be friends with his ex, because they would have parted on good terms because he would not have been nasty with her, but respectful. Look for signs like these.

Also look out for the red flags. A man who always speaks negatively of other women, or of his exes, is a red flag. He will speak negatively of you too one day.

Also realize that not all men and women can be friends. They are the exception. Almost all women and men are taught by society to seek out the sexual opportunities they have with the other gender. It's so common that a man will try to get with a woman if he has the chance, even if he's not actually interested in her. But he will try just because it will "make him a man" in the eyes of other men. So do not try to be friends with men. It doesn't work. Don't fool yourself into thinking it can happen. You need to find a gay man if you want a man to be your friend.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (30 August 2015):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntlol calm down :)

Youll be ok. Youre gaining experience with men and how we can be. Not all are like him. In fact, he was rare and a very good seducer. Take some time to focus on yourself and healing. Stay busy and find new activities to keep your confidence up. Seems you wish to create a firm boundary with no men in your life right now. Thats ok just resume the friendships you wish to keep when your emotions settle.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (30 August 2015):

janniepeg agony auntThere are still good guys, although they are getting fewer and fewer. I will give you the answer simply. Now housing prices are soaring so people can't afford to get married in their 20's, if at all. Jobs are hard to come by. Guys cannot date if they are broke and those already in relationships feel like losers when they keep stalling for marriage. They need naive girls on the side to boost their ego. Before, religion keep their morals at bay and they were god fearing. Now they have the new found freedom and can post online as single. They can be whoever they want to be in their online profile. The good guys are busy figuring a way to make a living and wondering where the good girls are. The ones who are single and frustrated try to convince themselves single lives are good and uncomplicated.

Don't go looking for a guy. When time is right and you can be self reliant, then a guy is just an option.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 August 2015):

Are all females nice to you? Do they all treat you perfectly well?

Cut it with the cynicism and the male bashing. You've only met the few guys you've decided to date or have in your life. How in the world do they represent all guys? How would you like to be thrown in the pile with every needy irritating whiny female out there?

Well, there are quite a few of them, and you can't throw a rock without hitting one.

You have a life-time ahead of you, and you'll meet all types. You have the option to reject those you don't like and move on to the next. You're not perfect, so don't expect anyone else in the human race to be.

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