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Boyfriend's phone rang, I went through his messages and now I feel sick

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 31 August 2015)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I did something really horrible, my boyfriend left his phone at home, it rang and I saw the call from a woman he had done work for.but recently I saw a text, not sure if it was to her or from her saying "I am on my way see you soon." I went through his phone, ugh! there were emails from him saying let me know if your coming, there were other exchanges and phone calls, don"t know what is going on and now I am angry for what I did and also hurting and suspicious, can't say anything because of what I did, sucks, what am I going to do? Makes me sick to think she was at his house and WHY? HELP so sick to my stomach

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 August 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIt's hard to give advice here as the situation is clear as mud.

What were said that upset you? That she stopped by HIS house?

What work did he do for her? Would it make sense for her to pick something up at his house?

Were the texts of an intimate nature? Or did YOU think there were intimate because she knows where he lives?

And yes, snooping is never really a good thing. It's like listening at keyholes you rarely hear good things said...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2015):

you did something horrible (yuk) and now you feel sick..you put yourself in a situation you didnt want to be in but you chose to look through his phone.So bybreaking the rule in your head you opened pandoras box. Most people snooping are looking for dirt, so do you want to dish the dirt or not? Well you were clearly looking for trouble when you went through the phone andnow you have assumed the worst and feel physically sick as a result.Are there any times when your boyfriend could have assumed the worst when he went through your phone...maybe you should shut the book on this episode,but you have already taken a few steps down drama avenue so perhaps you intend to diva it out.

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A female reader, Tapantaola United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2015):

I would feel the same way with you if I saw such texts.

Luckily (or unluckily ) my boyfriend and I speak different languages so he has no clue what is on my phone and vice versa.

It's good it builds the trust! ANYWAAAY to the point. I believe you should judge whether he would be upset that you went through his phone.. if he wont be upset and turn it on you by saying you don't trust him then ask him.

Or if you want the other option, save that womans number on your phone and check on whatsapp what profile pic she has to get a clue of how old she is. I have more suggestions along these lines but I don't know if you want to go down that road.

I feel for you because you seem so stressed and feel sick over this. How has your relationship been lately?? Do you feel close to him? Why did you go snooping around in his phone?

Also, depends on what time where the phone calls? Really late at night? Work times? How long have you been with this person?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 August 2015):

Your post is missing a lot of information. What did they say to each other that makes you feel so sick? Were there actually any comments of a romantic nature? Or are you just suspicious and creating everything in your head, just because she happens to be another woman?

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A female reader, chipmunk37 United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2015):

chipmunk37 agony auntWhat sort of work did your boyfriend do for this woman? Is it the type of work that might need a follow up like for example if he was a handy man and he went round to repair something for her and something else needed fixing. Like wise if he is a business man and gave her some advice she might need some more help. To be honest " I,m on my way,see you soon" doesn't seem the words of a person on their way to a passionate encounter with their lover. I think you are probably worrying over nothing but now you have had the thought you can't stop thinking it so the best answer is to come clean and just ask him. I had a similar thing happen with my boyfriend only the roles were reversed. I was sat on the sofa next to him one night and got a text from my aunt. I sent my reply ending it with " love you xx". He tossed and turned all night and seemed very troubled the next day, very brooding. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing was wrong but I persisted and eventually he blurted " you textured I love you to another man last night." I was shocked, I had no idea what he was on about, he said he saw it on my phone last night. Puzzled I got out my phone and showed him my texts from the previous night and he saw I was talking to my aunt. If he just asked me straight out he could have had a peaceful nights sleep without doubt swirling around in his head. Save yourself some worry and sleepless nights and ask him.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (30 August 2015):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntUse your instinct here and ignore finding direct evidence. If you think hes cheating he probably is.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2015):

Well you haven’t described any evidence that proves he’s cheated with her or anything. You’ve brought this on yourself I’m afraid, snooping when you shouldn’t. The reality is, I think you’re going to have to come clean about what you’ve done and take the consequences. You have lots of worry and unanswered questions, and I fear that your suspicion is going to grow and grow, so I think you need to know what’s going on. Tell him you regret looking, but explain that now you have, you have questions, and then ask them.

I wish you all the very best.

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