A
female
age
30-35,
*laykelll
writes:I'm just gonna go right out and say it... are long distance relationships just about sex? I mean, if you meet someone online and see them, say, a couple of weekends a month... and it takes around 3 hours to get to them and you're paying for the train/coach then surely you're just paying for sex?To me it says, I don't want a girlfriend who I can spend time with, get to know, settle down with, invite to family meals, go to the beach, the cinema and to restaurant with (etc. etc.) but a couple of weekends here and there of sex is perfect. Maybe I'm being cynical... but I know this guy who is telling some girl he loves her after knowing her a week or two and I just think their so called relationship is b^^^^h*t. I know my views might be disputed so ignore everything I've just said if you disagree... why would a guy start speaking to a girl (whos a complete stranger) 3 hours away in the first place? It just makes no sense to me.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Err no, not all long distance relationships are about sex. In an actual long distance relationship, the relationship still exists when the two are not together in person. The type you're talking about is more of a booty call arrangement, not an LDR.
My boyfriend was a 15 hour plane flight away and I didn't see him for 7 months. Now try and tell me that was all about sex...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): "Maybe I'm being cynical... but I know this guy who is telling some girl he loves her after knowing her a week or two and I just think their so called relationship is b^^^^h*t."
Not cynical, realistic. Many people who seek "love" online are marginalized lonely souls desperate for any type of human interaction and so have unrealistic expectations and are easily deluded, and unforunately there is no shortage of trollers looking to exploit vulnerable targets.
"why would a guy start speaking to a girl (whos a complete stranger) 3 hours away in the first place? It just makes no sense to me."
Because he thinks she desperate and/or dumb enough to be taken advantage of, and the distance provides a shield for anonymity and duplicity.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (30 January 2013):
 You could definitely have more sex with someone who lived closer!
I think some people like to get into relationships online as they find it easier to communicate that way. Some men will just trawl the Internet looking for young girls to have sex with. And other people will get into a LDR because they have found someone they like so much they are willing to be with them no matter what. Basically some men are only after one thing, the clue is not in whether its long distance or short distance it's in how they treat the other person, what they say etc.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Right. Not all LDR's are created equal, but in your example's case, everything you've said is absolutely correct, and here's why:
"but I know this guy who is telling some girl he loves her after knowing her a week or two"
Whether it's local or long distance or internet, this is a huge red flag in any situation. I'm guessing he's pressing for sex even faster than he can cook up the flowery words needed to get her into bed in the first place.
SVC is correct. A true LDR is a temporary one with a definite end game of becoming local. All else is eventually either doomed or a platonic pen pal.
THIS LDR is about the sex, no strings attached. He doesn't invest in the words he says, because no guy who means it can throw out the L word as cheaply as that.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (30 January 2013):
 I'm not sure how long-distance relationships can only be about sex. You don't see each other that much!
"Maybe I'm being cynical... but I know this guy who is telling some girl he loves her after knowing her a week or two and I just think their so called relationship is b^^^^h*t."
Nope. You're not being cynical. You are 100% right.
"Why would a guy start speaking to a girl (whos a complete stranger) 3 hours away in the first place? It just makes no sense to me."
Well, 3 hours is a bit far to start a relationship. However, it depends. Some people are willing to travel further. Personally, I wouldn't date someone who lived 3 hours away... That's too far for me. However, some people are willing to look far and wide for Miss/Mr Right and after a few months of dating, get together as boyfriend and girlfriend and after a year move closer to each other.
It's not just about guys you know Miss! How about this? Why would a girl start speaking to a guy 3 hours away in the first place?
Surely they don't meet and have sex the first time they see each other? If this is what you're describing, this weekend away twice a month for sex, then this "relationship" isn't a relationship. It's a fling. Lust. It won't last.
The short of it is, LOOONG distance relationships NEVER last. They fizzle out. UNLESS the two involved move closer to one another (once they've gotten to know each other).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2013):
 The goal of a true LDR is to NOT be an LDR.
Sometimes you meet someone who does not live in your area. Sometimes it's in real life. Sometimes it's online. LDRs are hard but they are workable. And true LDRS are not just about sex.
I met my now husband at a gaming convention. We lived 2 hours apart. This is just beyond a daily commute for folks in my area. It was easier for me to drive to him. It was about 60 dollars for gas and then about 15 dollars for tolls.
The first few times I went to see him we did not have sex. We talked. We had meals out. After we were getting serious, we did couple things on the weekends... movies... dinner out, errands... laundry... shopping... and sex. Once we got serious, we were together 3 out of 7 nights most weekends.
We have a set of friends who are also LDR. They have been LDR for nearly 3 years and will be LDR for another 2.5 years till he retires. They got married in September. They see each other 3 out of 4 weekends.
IF a person wants an LDR partner, but does not want to make plans to try to end the distance...then perhaps they are hiding from reality.
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