A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Evening everyone.I just feel so worthless at the moment....You know how everyone has something they are good at? Well im rubbish at everything. I failed my driving test, i didnt get a work promotion despite working late and training up several members of my team..I need to move out of home but cant find anywhere suitable (my parents are against me moving out) and my boyfriend of 5 years still hasnt proposed-he has said he will do when i least expect it...Im 26 and when i meet people and we get talking and they as me about myself they act suprised that i still live at home and cant drive and almost pity me when they know about my long relationship..Am i really such a loser? Also my dad said the most hurtful thing today...he compared me to several of his mates daughters who are married and drive and more independent etc... The reason for me being the way i am is because i have an anxiety disorder and was on antidepressants on and off for a few years (i have now been off them for 10 months)so walking anywhere-let alone driving was not possible..I feel im piecing bits of my life together and getting more confident but people dont seem to understand.I mean if i had no job and lived in a council estate with 6 kids from different men then i could understand peoples judgement. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Oh hun, i really feel for you.I am 25 ( i'll be 26 next May ), and i also still live at home with my dad and younger brother.My parents got divorced a few years ago.My dad got anew partner recently, and he wants to move in with her, which i'm not really happy about. He also lost his job recently, and I dont have a job either, so that is really worrying me too, and i may need to get my own place, even though it would be difficult as i am on benefits. I can't live with my mum as there is no room where she is.My dad has also said hurtful things to me too, as i dont have a job, but i have really tried. I also suffer from anxiety, and insomnia. I find it really difficult to sleep at night.
May i ask what kind of work you do, and where it is ?.Are you from the U.K ?. I am. I wish we could become friends and try to help each other.
To " caringguy ", could i ask how you went about setting up your own business ?.I would be willing to try anything i am capable of doing so that i can work, but i want to feel comfortable with the career i have.
And, again, to the person who posted this topic, i think you should be very grateful and feel very proud to be in a long term relationship.It shows that you are kind, committed and you have respect for your boyfriend.It's better than being like a lot of people in our age group who go with loads of different people all the time !. I also only stay with one person at a time. Recently, i liked this guy, i'm single at the moment, but he wasn't, and he tried to kiss me, and as much as i wanted to kiss him, i didn't because i knew he was with someone.
And don't worry about the driving test hun. Just keep trying.Good luck !.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Im the origional poster of the question.
Thanks for all you advice people. I dont know why i got so upset. I will keep at it and retake my test-that was the thing bugging me most.
Lazy man-i just wanted to clear up that my anxiety disorder isnt an excuse for my life...its part of my life which makes it difficult for me to get on with. Unless you have ever had panic attacks or been scared to leave your home then you cant have an opinion. The smallest tings like going to a shop can leave me terrified.Also the side effects if the tablets were awful,the nausea,dizziness etc... So im sure you can appreciate taking driving lessons whilst feeling lik that would not be sensible.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 My dear. You will not find a single person who doesn't have his/her issues. For you is failing your driving test (I failed too by the way on the first time),a bf who doesn't propose (probably not your fault) and not being able to afford to live alone (you are only 26 and life got really exprensive). I don't see anything unreasonable or upnormal here to be honest. Maybe it was bad luck or bad timing or even bad choices. Don't let anybody make you feel bad. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 Other people's judgment?
You are doing a pretty good job tearing yourself down, despite not all that much being there.
So, you failed your driving test. Lots of people do and the test are becoming stricter. And even if you fail it always, that just means you are a lousy driver. So?
You also didn't get a promotion, that happens. Maybe next time or maybe in a different job. Sometimes you don't get promoted even if you really deserve it. Again, it doesn't make you a failure.
As for your bf... well that is a point I would address. 5 years and still no proposal, it seems likely that he doesn't want to commit. But that is for you to decide.
The feeling I get about your father is that perhaps he is trying to keep his little girl little and at home. By telling you, you can't make it on your own, that you are a looser, he can neatly keep you safe.
And perhaps by feeling like a looser, you can accept just staying at home, with a bf who isn't going anywhere. Nice safe and depressing the hell out of you.
You have an anxiety disorder but how much of that has become an excuse not to have to do anything about your life?
It is telling that the only explenation you give for not moving out is that your parents are against it... And?
You are nearing your 30's, isn't it about time that you stopped doing what mommy and daddy say and start living your own life?
Get your own apartment, do it in a place where you don't need a car to get around as much.
Make it clear at your job that you expect more or you will be looking elsewhere. Do you know why women don't get promoted as often as men? Because women don't negotiate with a knife on the table. A raise or I am outta here. When your job ain't moving, it is time for you to move instead.
And as for your bf. What do you REALLY want. If it is him, it doesn't hurt to give him a signal either, that you are spreading your wings and won't always be the grey mouse waiting till he is ready at her parents house.
You are right that people might not understand, but to be honest, why should they? Your life is what YOU do with it. Not what anyone else thinks or says. Until you realize that you will always remain "worthless" in your own eyes, and that is far worse then anyone else thinking it.
Set clear but small goals for yourself, and work towards them. To help yourself, you might even keep note of what you have done so far.
Take the failed driving exam, was the fact that you took the driving lessons and did the exam not an achievement in its own right?
The longest journey starts with a single step, followed by thousands more.
So if you falter with the goal nowhere in sight, look behind to see how far you already got.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 December 2009):
All you can do is keep going with your life. You're not a loser. I felt the same a little while back. Lost my job, felt lonely, and did nothing but wonder whether I was worthless. So I set up my own company. I know it's not easy, but all you can do is keep doing. Set yourself one target, attain it then move on. Take no notice of your dad. I'm a man and I know we're not always great at giving sympathy as women want it. Stay focused on your life and keep going. You'll get there.
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