A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I'm very upset and I'm sorry this is long. I feel like I'm selfish and I don't know what to do. My mom isn't in the best of health but is pushing through. Now, my brother texts me and says my mom is really hurt cause she feels as though I've been putting my boyfriend first etc. I just came back from meeting his parents and yes, I plan on starting a life with him. I've been living at home and paying bills that take up a lot of my income. When I am home, my mother is in her bedroom with her husband anyway and I don't much like him so I stay clear. I feel weird around him and a bedroom is private space to me. I've asked her on several occasions to spend time with us (my brother, sister and I) but she has work, doesn't feel well etc so I haven't asked lately. I see my boyfriend on my days off and that's it. That's all we can do. When my brother told me she felt hurt, I got mad. I said "what else can I do?! I can't stay forever!! I'd like to get married and have kids too!" My brother just kept saying that I needed to talk to her. But I have! I told her even before I met my boyfriend that I had plans to move out. I've been wanting to leave since I was 20. She has her husband and of course, I'll still help how I can. I texted my brother further about this and how my life isn't as easy as he thinks. He knows it isn't. I have a good relationship with my mom now but before, I got beaten, accused and punished for things I never did, and now I get it, she was stressed and depressed etc. But honestly, I haven't forgotten. I'm the happiest I have ever been with my boyfriend. He treats me so well and is attentive, supportive and has never disrespected or hurt me. I love him and through all the stress I'm going through, he's there for me. Nobody at home really understands me. I had a collection of books I've had from the time I was 11. Some of them from relatives. They all got destroyed because my stepfather moved them without my permission-and they all laughed about it and said they were only material things. I get it. But how am I supposed to replace a book from my dead father??? I wanted to give that to my kids one day. I understand that things may or may not work out with my boyfriend but still, that's not it. I just want to be myself and have my own space. It's selfish but I can't help it. I talk and I talk to them but nothing clicks! They will hate me. Do I have to give this up??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 May 2016):
 You are not being selfish at all they are. They probably like that you help with the bills and around the house, but that is not your responsibility. It is their house. Move out with your boyfriend and start your own life, your family will accept it in time I am sure.
I am sorry what happened with the books, it is sad. But you need to try and forget about that and remember the memories you have instead.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 May 2016):
 Sounds like they (your mom/stepdad) are using emotional blackmail to get you to stay. My guess? they want that extra income.
Now who is selfish here, you said?
Move on with your life. IT IS OK to want to be an independent women living with your BF. It is what happens when we grow up.
As for the book thing. I'm sorry that would have bugged me too. It MAY "only" be material things but they had special meaning to you. However, nothing you can do about that now. Once you move out, maybe consider starting your OWN book collection.
You are not being selfish for wanting out of your mother's home. I honestly think it sounds like a good and healthy choice for you.
If they CHOOSE to "hate" you for moving out, that is THEIR loss - isn't it?
Chin up, and DO your thing!
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