A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of three years has a very competitive career which means sometimes her male clients use the fact that they are the business source as leverage for attention. That results in my girlfriend having to go to lunch or maybe even happy hour drinks with those more demanding types. I am used to this, and I am in the same field so I deal with it too. Occasionally certain clients get a little more aggressive than others and they send her texts in the evenings or weekends, want to have lunch several times a week, etc. I don't read her texts so I don't know the content but I assume some are inappropriate.My problem is not that some clients chase her, I think she handles it well. My problem is that if I ask her about any of them (like why a certain client thinks it's okay to text her late or on the weekends or demands an inordinate amount of time with her) she gets angry and sometimes defensive and we end up in a fight with her accusing me of trying to "control" her, etc. She always brings up the same line - "I was in a marriage for fifteen years where I couldn't make a move without my husband scrutinizing and trying to control me, I will not ever be in that situation again!" I will admit that I have some trust issues and that complicates things, although I am generally pretty good about not letting her know I'm jealous or untrusting of something. I will also acknowledge we've been together for over three years and our relationship has never actually be threatened by anyone else, she seems satisfied with me.So my question is, am I wrong to be concerned about those men who demand more from her than seems reasonable? Am I wrong to be concerned that her response to me is usually hostile and not reassuring if I ask about any of them? Is it her experience with her ex-husband that causes her defensiveness or should I be worried that she might be hiding some impropriety?
View related questions:
her ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 February 2015):
 I think WiseOwlE gave a great answer.
Consider that women who works "male-dominated" areas often have to work MUCH harder (to be take serious and not looked on as an oddity) you also KNOW from your OWN experiences how demanding these kind of clients can be.
She MIGHT have cultivate and cater to her clients more then YOU (as a male) has to. Because it's expected. Doesn't mean she will cheat or cross any lines. THAT would be absolutely unprofessional, and from what you write she is VERY much the professional.
Telling a client NOT to call on week-ends or late nights, doesn't work in all industries, and again YOU know this.
Telling her it isn't about control but YOUR insecurities might short term help, long term? maybe she will decide it's just too much hassle having to CATER to your insecurities as well as doing her job.
I think she DREW a line in the sand for you already. BUT letting you know, SHE left her ex because of how he treated her.
SO stop treating her like she doesn't KNOW what she is doing, STOP treating her like she can't HANDLE herself. TREAT her.. *gasp* like an EQUAL.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): I think she is able to handle these guys okay; and if they're calling her at odd hours, that's sometimes how business deals go down. It's also the way some guys play the game. You know that. She just happens to be a woman, and you're insulting her integrity and ability to juggle the demands of her career; and still be faithful to the man she loves.
You know male egos; so check your own. If she's in the same business, and in your age-group (not excluding the fact she's dealt with a bad marriage); I think she has everything under control.
You're presuming the off-hour calls are booty calls. It's been my experience good clients want access; and they'll call when they need to. They may be on a plane, or in a different time-zone. They offer her lunch? That's a perk. That doesn't mean she's spreading her legs like some dumb bimbo for them. She's a woman of the 21st century; and they know how to play the game of business. She has ambition. What on earth makes you think she's that naive? Has she ever cheated on you before?
Has she gone out with any of these men after hours for other than after-work cocktails; which would no doubt include discussing business? Has she been caught setting up an unauthorized rendezvous with any of these men?
She has to have an edge, and you're trying to put a crimp in her style with your trust-issues. To be competitive, she has to keep-up with the pack. Yes they will pull a few tactics; but you're not talking about some newbie wet behind the ears. She sounds seasoned in her craft, and she can handle the guys who get out of line. You are in the same business, and you know what I'm talking about.
I'm in corporate-life myself, and I know how this all goes down. I think the lady has her act together. Judging by what she told you, I'd say she's an Alpha-female, an ambitious woman; and she knows exactly what she's doing. If she was up to no good, something tells me she wouldn't hesitate to cut all ties with you first; before she went after anything else she wanted. You've got to trust her; and not hinder her success, my friend. If you get in her way, you'll be the next EX!!!
...............................
|
