A
female
age
36-40,
*ruthplease
writes:I have been dating this guy for 2 months over the summer and he had to move 6 hours away (driving) to finish his masters program for one year. Prior to his moving we had spent a month and half 24/7 together. We had gotten very close and decided to keep our relationship and do long distance until we are both done with school (we are both in our last year). We even discussed that once we are both done with school we would see what our situation is and discuss moving to be with eachother. Throughout the summer he would ask me multiple times in a serious manner "if I get a job in so and so city would you move there?" When he left we were both emotional. He assured me I was his gf and that he would not be talking to any other girls when he moved. He told me that he would be very busy and in over his head with school and work and projects this last year of school and that he is worried he is taking on too much but is going to have no life until he gets through this semester. Before he left he said he would have time for us to talk on the phone once per week because of his schedule and that once the semester is done he wants us to go somewhere together. Now he has been gone for just 4-5 days but I miss him so much. I have been the one to initiate all contact these last few days. If I do not contact him he does not message me. Now I know he said school is crazy for him, but come on he does not have one second to send a text? Also when I do message him he is very sweet with his reply but when I say I miss him (which I have once or twice) he does not reply with I miss you too. He left on Saturday and it is Thursday now and we only talked on Sunday once since then. I know I should wait until this weekend and see what happens, maybe he is waiting till the weekend to call. But I just want to know if I am overreacting about him not initiating any text for the last few days when it should be a time he misses me since we were stuck together like magnets for the last month and half before he left. Please give me some advice if you think he is not that into me anymore or tell me if I am being a drama queen :/
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 August 2014):
 yes you are over reacting
yes you are being a drama queen.
HE TOLD you he would be busy... while MOST women can do more than one thing at a time (schooling, working, running a home, raising kids, having a relationship) MOST men I know can only do ONE THING AT A TIME and do it well.. they therefore focus on the most important task which in your BF's case is SCHOOL.
CHILL OUT! you have texted and called... now get on with your life and wait to hear from him. give him room to miss you.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (28 August 2014):
 Good things come home to girls that wait.
OK here is the deal. Going from a summer romance to a long distance romance is the ultimate reality check. You will know in 3 week whether this is the real thing or just chemicals talking. If you can't maintain the intimacy and closeness with out the touching then you have a shallow summer fling and it will fade with the autumn leaves. On the other hand if you grow closer as you get your intimacy through words, then you have a sustainable thing. (dirty skyping doesn't count)
This is also a time to prove your ability to be faithful to each other. Yes it's a risk and it's giving you the shakes thinking about what he might be up to but in the end you will know, and so will he.
Now about the texting, this anxiety is pretty typical chemical withdrawal. Soon you two will develop a regular , reliable schedule. (when I did what you two are doing we didn't have so much technology. Airmail took a week.) My best advice at this point is intimacy is intimacy. You can get through this with other than sexual intimacy. But you will have to have some sort of other intimacy because intimacy is the stuff that relationships are made of.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 August 2014):
 I have to agree with the uncles. You are WAY overreacting, borderline drama queen.
I'm always so surprised when your generation seem to think that constant contact is how you conduct a proper relationship. That if he doesn't reply how YOU want him to reply then he MUST not love you...
But, I'm also from the was young and dating before internet/cell phones generation. There would be DAYS between phone calls, it was something you looked forward to, calling wasn't an "obligation", it was something you looked forward to.
YOU are building your LIFE around a guy. Missing him is fine, telling him, Hey I miss you is fine too. What is ALSO fine is that he hasn't "GUSHED" back I miss you too!! Maybe he HAS missed you, maybe he has been too busy to really miss you. You wanting him to reply something along the same lines is honestly unrealistic. Receiving a text isn't a test. And texing ISN'T the only way to keep a connection with a person you care for/love.
When he said talk once a week, I think he was trying to be practical and NOT let you down IF it doesn't happen more often.
Instead of complaining why not plan something nice for him? Like a package with goodies (if you know his favorites) a picture of you he can have in his room (preferably one that isn't too "serious")?
YOU two have ONLY been together for 1 1/2 month BEFORE he moved away. Maybe you are just not cut out for a LDR.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): Yeah you are overreacting and forgive me but you're not really respecting his wishes either. He said he'd have time to chat on the phone once a week because he has an insane schedule, a week hasn't even gone yet and you're now complaining he doesn't text you first. Well on the other side of the coin, OP he told you how little time he has and you've been contacting him nonetheless.
"come on he does not have one second to send a text?"
And how long does the text conversation go on for then? You expect a text and not to reply? He has to stop studying or eating his dinner to initiate contact and possibly be stuck texting for ages?
So you see this "he is worried he is taking on too much" and somehow let your brain convince you that he doesn't like you?
OP by all means text him as much as you like, within reason of course, but don't complain about him not texting you first.
He probably looks forward to getting a sweet text from you and probably will text you first more when he settles into college.
He's only gone a few days, you may be sitting there at home thinking of him while he's busy thinking about rent he has to pay, sorting out the bills in his name or he has house-mates coming up with the system, getting to know those house-mates, getting his schedule, grabbing some of the books from his reading list early before others get a chance to, doing some initial research into project, settling in to his new place and getting to know his way around, getting all the materials he'll need for it, getting shopping, sorting out his own food, sorting out fees, financing, setting up appointments with his project supervisor, devising a plan to get a project he feels might be too much for him under way and as early as possible if he has any chance to get it done.
Are you starting to see the picture here, OP? He's busy, not gone off you and no, he just doesn't have time to miss you right now either, it's only been four days and he's very busy.
Stop worrying, OP, he's responding to your texts and is most likely delighted to hear from you. Give him time to settle and give him a bit of time to miss you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): You are being a drama queen for sure. He told you he'd be up to his neck. Before he left, he spent all his time with you for a full month. How many assurances does it take to convince you? He's been gone only 4-5 days?!!
What's wrong with you initiating the messages? You're the insecure one.
He hasn't been gone long enough to miss you. He's trying to get things in order, and get settled-in. His mind is all over the place. He's treating you like a grown and intelligent woman, as he should. Weaning you off some of that "catering to your clingy-ness."
Please remember you are a mature 26-29 year old lady, and no longer a teenage girl in puppy-love. There are times when we have to put our noses to the grinder and concentrate on studies. Appealing to your childish-demands by sending around the clock reassurances to pacify you; isn't necessary when you were already given a precise and reasonable explanation of his changes in routine.
Grow up and lighten up! I'm not being mean to you, this is tough-love!
You're pretty lucky, I think you've got a good man. Don't act so spoiled!
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