A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need opinion whether I say inappropriate things all the time.I have this group of people in one of my language classes. A teacher is a woman in her late 40s, then few guys about the same age and few younger men and women but not by much. Every time I leave class I feel that I said something innapropriate, becaus of their reaction or may be I imagine this. My teacher trying very hard to make this class fun, and relaxing invironment. We all adults, soi feel like I sometimes I can say "adult" things, but then I don't really understand their reaction as they kind of making no comments, and trying to switch subject.Examples: we were discussing just with my teacher her daughter who is 26, and in a relationship with her boyfriend for 6 years. Word byword we got to the topic that prolonging marriage into late thirties can cause problems with fertility, andi jokingly said that also its not just eggs it's the amount of sex people have while men after 45 have noticeable reductionin testosterone and their sex drive is not that high anymore. I told her about my friend who literally had to make appointments with her husband to do it to have her second child. Normal conversation in my opinion between two grown women, right? She looked at me funny, and saying absolutely nothing about it, said that she needs to get to her appointment. Ok, that was a bit weird, I thought may be she is not comfortable with a topic. Today, conversation about cruises. I don't like them as I had 2 bad experiences with them and don't want to go on them any more. One was on a ship wherei am being in my late thirties was the youngest woman there, while average age was over 60. A crew were young Italian guys who were at sea for 6 months and didn't have a woman for that long. I was Hit with all kind of suggestions literally every half an hour. Everywhere I went. I was with a friend, who is quite a bit overweight, over 200lb, and I was the only one under attack of all these guys. Wheni was telling them a story they smiled moderately, but then one guy said, why only you were under fire, what about your girlfriend? I said, well, she is kind of a big girl. He said, I like big girls what's wrong with that. I said, well, I don't want to say it but she is like really big, i dont want to say the word fat, but she is kind of fat. I don't know may be they thought it was offensive or I said something highly inappropriate, but they just kind of starting looking sideways and then it was after class anyway, they got up and left. No comments, nothing. I just have to say one more thing, in class no one is even overweight, so it's not like I was offending anyone in class itself. If I said in front of my girlfriend this word She herself wouldn't even be offended. She knows she is big, she calls herself fat all the time. It's just a fact, I don't see what's wrong with that. My girlfriend always jokes about her family being 3 fatties. Anyway, ts just few examples. But everytime I leave the class I have a feeling that I said something wrong. May be its a teachers reaction, or the fact that they never comment on what I say, they just leave me hanging there. Also, the atmosphere is not official at all. There are lots of topics going on, and some of them involve controversial themes, but it seems to me that when they talk it is accepted normally and everyone laugh about it, but when I say something like that it is taken like I say something weird and out of place.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 March 2014):
 I doubt the sex appointment comment was bothersome. Kinda funny and your teachers response was great. However, the comment about being under attack by all those guys and how your friend was too large to get any male attention probably rubbed people the wrong way. It probably made you sound full of yourself and critical. Not that you intended it that way. But it seems that's how it came across.
Just keep the topic of sex all around from being mentioned. Seems like a fair bet. That includes flirting, etc.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2014):
 Yea It can easily be THAT group of people if you otherwise get on well with people.
They can be judging you on the FIRST thing you said (that they didn't agree with and then EVERYTHING you say after that is painted in the same light) If you know what you mean.
I still say, beware of over-sharing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 March 2014):
 I think you probably say a bit too much for this crowd. If you were with good friends I wouldn't think it weird at all to say these things, but it's people you don't know, and they're obviously not used to this much personal information. You share too much, simply. Such as intimate details of your friends sex life. Or your friends size. You could have just shrugged instead and said "Oh, I don't know", rather than go on about how big she is. Or, you could have twisted the story and included her as an equal to you, someone who also got hit on a lot. The way you phrased it makes you sound like you can be full of yourself, only you got attention... Why tell this story if it wasn't to brag about how much better looking you are than your friend?
Like I said, amongst friends, and even amongst most mature adults, these stories would be fine. But it totally depends on the group and the other people, and apparently it's just a little over the top for this crowd. I would suggest that if you feel this crowd can't handle it, don't tell them these stories. Don't give out too much detail.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2014): Thank you guys for answering. I feel like I need to give you more details.
Different topics were brought on multiple ocassions by different students, and some of them were related to intimacy, child birth and so on. We talked about gay marriages, and government and relationship. Its a conversational class and all kind of topics is encouraged.
I am personally ok with whatever anyone wants to talk about, and it seems like everyone else is ok with everyone else, but often I have a feeling that there is a certain reaction to my words. Basically, this last time I felt like not coming to the class anymore and find some other school, it felt almost hostile to me their reaction.
I just want to add that I am not a sad overthinking person. I have plenty of friends, and own a business where I talk to returning customers all day, so I must be doing something right. Could it be just this particular group of people that I don't click with?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2014):
Well, I think in the sense that you made your "jokes" based on experiences of your friends that maybe that is why they took it as inappropriate or offensive. Or just a little as a foot in mouth.
Your friend might make self deprecating jokes about fatties, but that doesn't mean you should. Or that EVEN she got hit on and she is a big girl. That is kind of derogatory, not just towards your friend but big people in general.
As for joking about fertility, well having friends who went through that problem and all the heartache they went through I think maybe it's not really a great subject for jokes. At least not with people you don't really know.
If these people WERE your good friends it probably wouldn't matter, but these are class mates and kind of strangers so you might want to tone it down a little.
My guess is, you aren't aware HOW you come across. You might think you are being funny or sarcastic, but.. that is the thing with humor, not everyone is on the same wavelength. Maybe they are all waiting for that other shoe to drop when you say something they think is rude/inappropriate or simply just not funny.
If you feel like YOU are singled out in some silent way, maybe talk to your teacher, maybe SHE can point it out to you better.
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