A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts and uncles. This is a work related problem and I could really do with some advice. I work in lovely public relations company and head up the consumer team of about 4. Since summer it has just been me and one other up until month ago when 2 new members joined and another girl from other team moved over. I thought I was a good boss, had strong team. No complaints to me it the bigger boss about me. This week my no 2 the girl on my team since summer has gone on vacation. She's left her emails on so we can check. I don't know what made me but I had a little snoop. I was left hurt and angry when I discovered she's been bitching about me to other team members (the new girls) saying I'm a bitch and I treat her like piece of crap and can't preempt me and the morning when I can down on her she's been like I don't need her having a go at me etc. anyway it turns out she's looking for another job as believes should be higher level and she's using her illness as excuse to go to interviews, calling in sick and saying has drs appointments. Now I understand that everyone bitches about their boss, but I honestly did not think I was bad, in fact the girls have it so easy at this company. When I first started it was awful my boss was dragon. What's made it worst is the bitching had rubbed off on new girl in the team who's been here month and is bitching back. She's also going on interviews. I'm so upset as going to be left with no team and didn't think I was bad boss. Now my boss - hear of company has called me up and is angry at me as I told her what found. She thinks I've obviously been awful manager as one and potentially two girls on my team of 4 are looking to to leave. When I spoke with the girl on my team who moved over and other senior members who sit on my floor they tell me that I'm great boss and that it's obvious one can't take direction and the other is being influenced by the other. My boyfriend says that's life and you shouldn't care as no one likes their boss everyone bitches about them and if want to leave then leave as want loyal people in your company anyway. The girls due back next week and don't know what to do. And also what do I do about the other one. Am I really bad boss.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 March 2014):
For starters, snooping in an employees email for a non-business reason is one indication of being a bad boss. Conversely, not being liked by a given employee is not necessarily an indication of being a bad boss. Your job as a boss is to ethically fulfill your managerial role, not to be everyone's favorite person. I find being a good boss is walking a very fine line between being feared and being loved. With that, some people will love you, and some people will fear you, but they'd better all respect you. When you have no respect from your staff, then you are really a bad boss....
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 March 2014):
 I can understand being taken aback at discovering you're not as popular with all of your staff as you thought, but I think you've acted rashly yourself and mishandled a very minor situation.
Company email is company property but so are the desks. What would you think if you came in to work one day to find your boss had gone through yours, took inventory of what was in every drawer, reported her findings to her boss and then boldly confronted you?
It's bad enough that you snooped, but you compounded that error by telling your boss about it. That's like running to the teacher. If I've understood your post correctly she had no idea anyone was mad at you until you brought it to her attention. Is that correct? That was a mistake. You've just put yourself on her radar as a snoop, a tattletale and someone who is unable to handle a very minor issue in her own department.
That said, a smarter, more mature employee would have been more discriminating in what they said about whom, to whom and using what medium. I'm guessing this is a fairly young woman which explains (but doesn't excuse) her behaviour.
Most people will fake a doctors appointment or book a day off for a job interview. That's how it's done. How do you think she landed this position? It's unwise of her to disclose her intentions to others via company email but all you can is fire her, assuming you have that kind of authority. Otherwise, there is no point in making rules you can't enforce. It just makes you look weak.
This employee is clearly foolish and unhappy. While it would be ideal to be able to smooth things over with everyone it isn't always possible. She's already poisoning one person so it might be best for her to go in which case why make it harder for her? It's better she leave voluntarily than for the company to fire her so if the work is getting done to your satisfaction then her taking a few minutes here and there to apply online or an afternoon off once in a while for an interview shouldn't be a problem.
If this were me I wouldn't have snooped, but if I had I wouldn't have told a soul. If the emails contained a specific grievance and not just general commiserating I might ask myself if there could be some truth to anything said, but I wouldn't make it my mission in life trying to find out. If I thought I could resolve the situation without revealing what I knew, I would certainly try, but if that failed I would not stand in the way of them leaving. The sooner they're gone the better for everyone.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Someone used company time to go look for another job AND used company email to say nasty things about her boss? She needs to be gone, that is not acceptable behavior at all. Incredibly disrespectful and frankly incredibly stupid. If she wants better pay, she is welcome to find another job as I'm sure there are dozens who can do her job.
If you want to be a boss as a female you're going to be called a bitch, bossy, etc... it's just sexism in the workplace and not a reflection on you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2014):
 When you hire new staff do you give them a trial period? Are you allowed to hire/fire as YOU see fit (for the team)? Do the team help in the process? (as in do they meet the candidates at some point in the process? Because in my old job the team got to met the candidates, and it helped us get a team of people who got a long well.
Now that aside, have you a HR department? If so, go talk to them before you decide to confront the "sick" girl.
Also the head of your company doesn't seen to appreciate you at all, is that new? The fact that he ASSUMED they were unhappy JUST because of you is a little unfair. My guess is he is more concerned about the company's reputation.
People apply for jobs all the time, jobs they don't REALLY want to be in, but can manage to get (know what I mean?) and sometimes it just comes down to the team. Some mesh, some don't, YOUR job is to notice of the team doesn't and hopefully the member who have been there longer are willing to share how they get on with new additions.
So I would CALL in the two that have been there the longest and ask them how things are going. If HR/legal condone it, talk about the content of the e-mails. After all, I believe e-mails are "company property".
If you DO have a trial period (in some European countries it's 90 days) I would talk to the newest member (alone) and ask her how she is getting along and if she is happy on the team. She could of course lie her tail off, but I would suggest to tell her you have been told she isn't and that she is looking for a job elsewhere.
Personally, someone who fakes being sick so she can go in interviews I would get rid of (IF you can) and the same for the newest one.
And this is why. IF you keep EITHER of them aboard and hire someone new, EITHER of them might continue the "woe is me fest" and ruin your team.
Auntie BimBim points out some good things too, like make sure they know SICK days are NOT for going job hunting. Doctor's note (check with HR/Legal)
Now, back to you.
Did ANY of the complaints they HAVE about you show any specific episode or reason? Do they talk about an event that YOU can recall and go over in your head to see what's up with it?
My guess is that The "sick" girl thinks she is better then the job she is in, whether she is or not. And she is taking it out on you that you haven't noticed her brilliance... And people like that can be great to have around, but they aren't good at working in teams, NOT a team player so to speak. And the NEWEST girls this that "sick" girls shit don't stink and that SHE must be brilliant too. She is a typical follower, one who will HELP pull the work load, but not go above and beyond. Now of course I can't say that for sure, because 1. you didn't describe how your team works with the new additions. 2. who really pulls the load 3. I'm not a fly on the wall at your job and 4. the content of the e-mail.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2014): "in fact the girls have it so easy at this company. When I first started it was awful my boss was dragon."
This attitude could cost you employees.
If in your mind they have it easy, you will treat them as if they have it easy... Every human being wants to be appreciated not necessarily with flowers but we all want to feel like valued members of a company.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2014): In a way, and although it sucks, your own boss is right to say that you have been negligent as a boss. But I say this NOT because I think you deserve to be bitched about by two of your staff, but because regular staff meetings could have been put in place by you, with the idea being that staff air their views about what they are and are not happy with. Staff will rarely EVER tell you the whole truth about how they feel, but these meetings can go part of the way to developing a professional and two way relationship in which you get invaluable feedback.I'm also not sure that you should have passed this problem to your bigger boss, without first tackling it yourself via a meeting format - to me that indicates a possible lack of leadership. Leadership is not about dominating people, but finding out what is and is not motivating them and how you can mobilise that towards future goals. To just pass the problem to your boss is not particularly effective as a strategy.One member of staff seems to have a very negative attitude and wants out. She is causing problems for you by influencing other staff against you. So take the firm view that now that you know about it and it's clear, you can both agree that you fully expect her to be leaving soon and will start interviewing people for her job. Be very careful about this as you don't want a constructive dismissal case on your hands.I'd then separate, as much as possible, the other one from her. The other has been influenced by her but, if she is so easily influenced, it may not take much for you to encourage her to see the situation differently and to see that this first girl's influence is not necessarily a good thing. You may think she's worth retaining as a staff member. It may be worth talking with her privately, as well as in a meeting, but NOT in a 'confessional;' manner along the lines of "Oh, I had no idea you were unhappy". This should be more of a 'what are your aims and do you feel that working for the company is helping you to meet them?" From there, if its possible and you think she's worth it, you may be able to give her an incentive to stay - often people want things like a change of job title, or just a better sense of working as part of a team with colleagues - do you all go out much as staff together - that they get on with. OF COURSE everyone always wants more money, but this is a harder thing to just 'give out' and should be earned. Can you put in place a bonus scheme for rewarding loyalty? Is it worth re-structuring the allocation of staff duties so that the remaining three could take on more work (the work of the one leaving) and receive a pay rise for doing so?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2014): People do it all the time : using sick days for work. You would do it also, and you wouldn't tell anyone also. How can you tell at work that you are looking for another job. Frankly I am very surprised at your boss who automatically assumed that you are a bad supervisor based on that woman attitude. We don't have to like everyone, some people without any reason bother us. If she doesn't like you and think you are a terrible OSS, then she can leave, it would be better for all of you. Just to tell you from my experience though. I had this boss long ago who really was terrible. She encouraged gossips in the office, and was in general for me a very unpleasant person. No one but me had this opinion about her. Only one woman in another group once said about her something rolling her eyes, saying that she knows how she is becaus she worked with her in a past. I liked my job, and I liked people there not all but most. I left this job because of her. But as you can see , it was only me who didn't like you, everyone else were fine with her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 March 2014):
 That sounds horrible, and sounds horrible also that YOUR boss automatically assumed the worst ..........
Its going to be tough, but you are going to have to talk to the staff member who wrote the emails
Its a work computer, so really, anything on there can be read by anybody, including bosses.
Tell her you appreciate her leaving her computer and emails open so that other staff, including you, could make sure everybody was keeping on top of stuff.
Explain to her that while you were on the computer you came across the other emails. Tell her you were a little shocked to discover she was unhappy at work. Explain you are a little disappointed she has been taking sick days to go for interviews.
Tell her you understand that she feels she deserves better pay etc but that it is unlikely to happen in the forseeable future.
Let her know if she still wants to look for work elsewhere, you would be more than happy to give a reference outlining the level of work she does and the fact she can meet deadlines, (or something else positive) but she needs to be aware she needs to take annual leave days to attend interviews, and that any sicks days will require a doctors note. Check the legalities, all the above would be legal in AUstralia.
Good luck!
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