A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:An overwhelming instinct that my girlfriend of over two years is developing feelings for a coworker has led me to snoop, and the snooping has led me to believe my suspicions are true.Help. What do I do?She's been at this new office for three weeks now, and has been dressing increasingly sexual (short skirts, heels, etc). She has been going out with coworkers -- including this guy, call him JOE -- with increased frequency. Last night she was out until 1am with him (and other coworkers), and she has never been out drinking that late since I've known her. I've seen her gchat conversations with coworkers who say things to her like -- "Joe has a crush on you, I feel like a third wheel", among other references to him having a crush on her. Some of her google searches this week:'How do I know if a guy likes me?""What makes people drawn to certain people?""Virgo and Libra match" (she is a Virgo, JOE is a Libra)I asked her point blank today if anyone in her office liked her, or vice versa, and she was extremely coy, of course said no, and my gut told me she was lying.Am I crazy? Or is this evidence strong enough that she is indeed developing feelings for JOE?How do I confront her? Do I tell her I snooped into her gchat and browser history?Any help is appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 lying libras huuummm virgos are virgins like mary They seem cool but libra no your girl might like Joe but it could be innocent flirting cause you may not give her love and attention that she needs most women cheat or move on because of love sex attention the financial is last on this list so don't play get your house in order and care for that lady
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (13 August 2012):
Time will tell in the long run when or if they are involved.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 " It would be totally out of character for her to desire any real future with someone that much older, who has already been married. "
You would be surprised how much a persons taste changes once they meet someone they like who's "supposedly" not their taste. Don't write him off as someone she can't possiby be interested in. I see it all the time, people think and say they want one thing and then wind up with the exact opposite.
I think she is lying because she doesn't want you to find out just how serious this is. Not because it isn't serious. If it wasn't serious then she'd not try to hide it from you.
Even if she doesn't text him on the phone she still talks to him. She still let things get too far. Things aren't okay. You want to tell yourself that they are ok, but she has crossed a line and you shouldn't dismiss that so easily or else you'll get burned in the near future. Be careful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should also mention that, as of now, she does not email or gchat or text or talk on the phone with him. I believe her, and I've looked into it by snooping. (I know it's wrong to snoop, but in cases like this I feel it's justified).
If she was doing those things, the situation would obviously be far worse than it is. Still, she has only known him a short time and it could lead to such communication.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback.
After I posted this question she and I had a long conversation.
She admitted, when she was out two nights ago, to flirting at an inappropriate level and that she was feeling guilty about it yesterday. Still, she did not admit that this guy has a thing for her, or that she is developing any feelings towards him.
This guy is 34, nine years older than her, and divorced. Due to these facts alone I cannot imagine she is having serious feelings for him, and that whatever this is, is more a fantasy than anything. It would be totally out of character for her to desire any real future with someone that much older, who has already been married.
Still, this is obviously not as innocent as she is making it out to be. Googling their astrological match is a bad sign, and totally wrong for a girlfriend to do. She is lying to me, but maybe she is lying because this really isn't as serious as I think it is.
I think for now I will let it be, and see what happens, and monitor the situation. My hope is that this is a temporary daydream that will pass. She insists she loves me and wants to be with me. That might be bullshit, and maybe I'm being naive, but my hope is that this will pass. I love her too much and we live together, and a break up would not only be emotionally but financially disastrous for both of us.
Thanks for the comments. If anyone has anything else to chime in, I would of course appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (12 August 2012):
Her behaviour reminds me a a bit of mine when I start dating a guy that I think may be relationship material- the difference is that I am single and she is not. She's been behaving increasingly more like a single-ish woman- going out with coworkers frequently, at night, drinking with them when she knows -as apparently other people do too- that one of them has a crush on her. Now, it wouldn't be her fault {of course no one expects her to be responsible for the way other people feel toward her} if she didn't seem to fuel this behaviour {dressing more and more sensually} and fantasize about it.
Women are creatures that often times fantasize about the people they like before anything happens- so if she is actually wondering whether he likes her, why he is drawn to her/why she is drawn to him {it could go both ways} and even if they would make a good astrological match, I'd say you have reason to be worried. Considering she even denied the chance of somebody liking her when you know it's true...I'd say this is likely a mess waiting to happen. OR it could be that it's only a harmless fantasy of hers and this time nothing will actually happen- point is, how would you know? Everytime she's going to be late after work, will you end up wondering if she's with him? And even if she is not, she may be infatuated with another colleague...You catch my drift, don't you? Once trust has been broken -and you surely seem not to trust her anymore- relationships become a living hell.
If you think that confronting her may help you rebuilt your belief in her and what you have, surely give it a chance- if, on the other hand, you've already decided her behaviour is not acceptable and that you would end up doubting her every word and move, then there's not much hope left.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 August 2012):
You're attacking this from the wrong angle. The way you put it it sounds as if you want her to admit to liking Joe. Then what? What would be the purpose of that? Do you think that you can force her to change jobs? How would that help you? She still might find someone she likes at the new job. People stay faithful not because there are NO other interesting people in the world. People stay faithful because they decide to stay faithful. Your girl has decided to not stay true to you. It doesn't matter if she hasn't kissed him or been physical with him. She's engaging herself in activities and conversations that build up under this, flirting, and playing with the idea. If she respected your relationship she wouldn't do this. My point is, you don't need to confront her about this. You don't need to make her admit to it. You know she's lying. You know something is going on that isn't right. She can come with an endless amount of excuses, which might be believable. But it doesn't change anything, because she's acting suspicious, doing unnecessary things, and playing with fire, showing a lack of respect to your relationship too. What you need to do is figure out if this is acceptable or not, and then take it from there. You might want to leave her. And don't just threaten to do it, actually do it. This is no way for a loving girlfriend to act, and don't you think you deserve to be with a girl who respects you and loves you and doesn't google her compatibility with other men?
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