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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I went out with P for a year but we split up as we were always arguing. I then dated S for 4 years but we split up last year after my dad died and i went alittle crazy. So P is back on the scene. He's more tactile and relaxed he want marriage and babies so weve been hanging out. Sometimes we have fun but every now and then the old him returns. He picks at what I say etc.. now i'm not the most tactful but i am a good person. We have just fell out again he was at christening and i couldnt go as was at races with friends. He's angry as i didnt text him to ask how it was going.. i said i cant do this again and he dropped me home. I want to settle down and have babies etc but i also want a man who is happy not where i feel i have to walk on egg shells. I'm 40 and dont want to waste time. This guy loves me but am i being unrealistic wanting perfection.. i want happiness no arguments etc i know people fall out but he takes the biscuit :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all i asked the question i just need to clarify that i had the best upbringing mum dad who were married over 50 years i have good brothers too we are a close family but my wonderful dad died last year and i really feel alone. I want my happy ending asmuch as people like this guy they dont know how controlling he can be. And i'll not take him back again thabks guys
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2016): "I want to settle down and have babies etc but i also want a man who is happy not where i feel i have to walk on egg shells."Then he's not the guy you should marry and have babies with, and he's not going to change into the idealized figure you want him to be. "I'm 40 and dont want to waste time."You're already wasting time with a guy who is never going to change no matter how much you wish and hope he will. Do you really think you'll be happy in five years as the middle-aged single mother of small children with sperm donor nowhere in sight."This guy loves me"No, he doesn't. He tells you want to hear to elicit the response he wants from you (until you do something he doesn't like and he exerts control). "i being unrealistic wanting perfection."Yes. Nobody's perfect, and if the two of you haven't made the necessary effort to resolve the issues that caused your breakup then your relationship would be doomed to failure even if he wasn't a controlling, verbally abusive scumbag.The armchair psychologist in me suspects that perhaps you grew up in less-than-ideal circumstances so you never learned how a healthy non-dysfunctional family lives and maybe you're also seeking another daddy figure in your life to fill the void your father left. I would suggest you seek counseling to resolve your issues while avoiding rushing into a disastrous marriage and/or ill-advised pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 August 2016):
 I don't think you are wanting "perfection" or expecting "perfection", I think you just want a guy who is a good match and sorry, P isn't.
I get that you want babies, but I think it would be a mistake to SETTLE for P just so you can have babies sooner than IF you have to find a NEW guy.
And I think you are wasting time trying to change P.
However, arguments happens. No one is blissfully happy 24/7/365 in any relationship. That is reality. Because you have TWO people in a relationship, not two clones.
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