A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Given all the questions about photos of ex's on this site I thought I would throw my own worry into the mix.My boyfriend has pictures on his computer of his ex posing very provocatively in her underwear, touching herself, naked, bent over,etc, etc. there are even photos of her going down on him and very intimate up close photos of her genitals. I found them one day when I was uploading photos of a vacation we took together onto his computer for him. I didn't mean to snoop but I saw a folder called "yummy" and the little pictures on the folder (you know the thumbnails... there are four little pictures on the folder that show what is in it) and i could tell that they were dirty. at first i thought i had stumbled across a very poorly hidden folder of porn and i was amused (porn doesnt offend me in the slightest as i watch lots of it myself, i enjoy looking at the men in it). so i clicked it and was HORRIFIED when i realized that all the photos were of the same girl, and that i KNEW this girl, that she was his ex! I asked him about it and he said that it was harmless, that he just liked to look at them when he masturbated and that it didnt mean he wanted to cheat on me or anything. i was floored. i offered to replace all the photos with ones of me instead and he didnt seem into it at all, he said he preferred the ones he already had. i was VERY insulted and i ended up yelling at him a bit and then i stormed out of the room. things have been very tense ever since (this was about a week ago) and i checked his computer last night to find that all the photos are still there.Am I being silly or do I have a reason to be irritated? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): I am currently going through the same thing with my boyfriend and I'm so sorry you're feeling exactly as I am - the trouble is that it's kinda in no man's land, whether it's cheating as it's virtual or not, and whether he considers it cheating himself. My boyfriend did this to me in February 2007, and I was devastated and didn't leave him because of course, love makes you blind and I believed him when said he was sorry, and deleted the photos. However, January 2008 I find a new folder in his C: Drive (called "Orn P", how intelligent) with an ex-girlfriend very provocatively posing and a message sent from his facebook to her saying he had touched himself whilst looking at the photos, I was livid as it's a real person and not an unobtainable celebrity, like a porn star.I know that single people (especially women) will say DUMP HIM DUMP HIM as they are objective and not committed, but coming from somebody who is in the exact same position as you, I would make sure that he gets those deleted, or you delete them yourself. If he isn't willing to give them up, then you should think about not being with him. I deleted them when I saw them and when I spoke to him about it, he said that was totally fine, and broke down in tears for half an hour, assuring that the behaviour is over. I've given him another chance, but made it clear that this is it, no more Mrs Nice Girlfriend lol, but I hope you follow what your heart feels and work things out, whether you're with him or not. xxx
A
female
reader, Koala  +, writes (28 November 2007):
I agree with all the above. My bloke has a picture of his ex showing part of her underwear in an old photo album, even though I know he's forgotten about it this has reminded me how much it niggles at me and I am goin to ask him to chuck it - which I know he will. Your byf should definately do so with those pics!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): You have every right to be offended. There is no way I would allow that and then for him to have the ordasity to say he masterbates over them!No way, I would have immediately hit the delete button without approaching him.
It seems that you are more rational than me and to an extent I understand that he likes to masterbate over someone other than you - but even then it shouldnt be someone you know, especially someone you no he has been with. I bet she would be kinda knarkered that he has kept hold of them too though.
I think you need to sit him down again and tell him how they make you feel, explain that if he disrespects your feelings then you are going to have to reconsider the relationship. He is with you, he should be masterbating over you.
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A
female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Three words for you girl, DELETE DELETE DELETE and then dump him... He has no respect for his ex girlfriend and none for you. He sounds like a realy prize loser and you deserve a hell of a lot better than him.. Seriously you need to have some respect for yourself and get out of this relationship..Good Luck
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (28 November 2007):
Ask him how he would feel if you had pictures of you going down on your ex or doing the cowboy.Tell him you are offended with those pictures and if he's still keeping themm delete them yourself and check his reaction.If he raises hell over it,be sure that your man still fantasises about his ex,which will affect your sex life and affair.Don't sound desperate or vulnerable,be firm but not aggresive when you do talk about it with him again.All the best.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (28 November 2007):
 yeah, that is really wrong...if you offered to do the same for him than there should be no reason why he has those!!! I would go and delete it myself if I was you and if he has a problem than OH WELL!!!
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Hi
You have more then a reason to feel what you are feeling. I would have DUMPED my bf the minute i saw those photos. I thinkit is time you took a stand. Are you and your bf intimate? If you are then there is no need to have those photos on his computer. I think that he should have deleted it when he and his ex broke up so that she stayed in the past. Tell your bf that you are not happy with those photos and to you it doesnt seem that he is over his ex. If he doesnt want to do so then i think that you should reconsider your relationship. There are plenty of women posing for porn why did he have to chose his ex gf to have when he pleasures himself. It is like you are taking second best place when it comes to her.I dont think that i would be ok /happy to find that my bf is still turned on by his ex and refuses to chnage the way he feels for her with me?!?
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 November 2007):
I think its VERY wrong of your bf to keep NAKED photos of his ex gf. It IS NOT the same as porn. Tell him this, because it trly isnt. Porn is a fantasy!! His ex is reality! She exists. He has met her and done all those things with her. Very different situation. He needs to see the difference.
What hes doing is clearly disrespectful to you and I really hope you do not accept it. You cant force him to delete those photos and I bet you dont tink you should have to either, as it would be nice for him to see things from your view.
I assume you love your bf alot and dont want to give up just yet? You want to try and work it out? If so, then try talking to him again, when you are calm, because as much as a reason you have to be angry and hurt with him, he may find that too confrontational and is more likely to build up a wall for defense, rather then actually take in what you say and make some changes. So talk to him agian and hopefuly he will be able to see things differently.
But if he stands his ground then I really think you have to rethink about whether or nto you are prepared to put up with this? I dont think you should. I think you deserve alot more respect then what your bf is showing right now. And I mean for him to say he prefers the photos of his ex as to any new ones of u...how can he say that???
How is the rest of your relationship? do you feel he usualy shows you respect??
And you know your bf may not ever cheat on you, he honesrly may not, but thats not the point, its just disrespectful to have those photos. Its not a fantasy, its not porn, its a real life person he knows.
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A
female
reader, KeRrI117 +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Yes i think you do have a very big reason to be irretated and if it was me i would have been very insulted aswell. By looking at those pictures you may aswell say that he is cheating on you. I dont see why you dont play him at his own game and see how he feels.
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