A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice or guidance with this problem.. I will explain the situation and why I feel worried now I met a Turkish man on Facebook (he is 37 and I am 35)and we have been talking for about 1 year 2 months. The conversations is usually about various world events, sports etc. He seems very intelligent and caring. We get all very well, even talking about embroidery , which not many men will take the time to listen to. There was a misundertsanding in September last year. I posted some photos of myself on my facebook account (head and shoulder shots) next morning he was so abrupt saying I never want to talk to you again, you are no longer in my life. I could not understand as we parted the day before on good terms.Apparently his friend had wrote comments on my wall saying you are beautiful and cannot wait to see you in Turkey.. I had him as a facebook friend but had never spoken to him. I explained to my friend that nothing was happening and I was a little upset by his reaction.. He ignored me and so I went out and left my phone behind.. When i got back there was several texts and missed calls. I text him back and he was upset about me not replying.. We sorted out the issue and I ended my facebook friendship with his friend... He then started to say he loved me and romantic thoughts. I was unsure at first as you hear bad things about turkish men but I gradually warmed to him and said I love you back. Things were fine and then he said would you like to be friend to his friend a female. I said Ok but I am suspicious now, she is 22 also Turkish. They have known each other for 3 years. They seem to see alot of each other , always writing comments on each other wall and she has posted an album of photos of him and her together. (Not romantically just standing together)The reason why I am suspicious is that she has already asked for a letter of invitation to enter the UK from me and asked me about getting an IPhone On both occasions I said no and as I work for an organisation which does not allow me to get involved, I cannot write this letter. She told a lie to my friend saying I upset her and I said NO I would never help her. I think she is a little madam and devious with it. She seems to know now what time we talk to each other on the internet and barges in, so he talks to her as well as me... I could end the friendship with her but I do not want to rock the boat. On one hand I think he is soft and believes her little drama queen act on another I think they are trying to scam me but I am unable to say definantely what is going on. I will say I did get jealous about the photos and the banter on the facebook page, I asked him outright if he was in love with anyone.. He said he is not in love with anyone (I will point out here that he said he has had 1 girlfriend in high school and that is it, to my calculations he has not had a relationship for 24 years approx) I felt upset and felt rejected about the comment and asked why he had made romantic comments to me, he felt terrible and said I did not mean to lead me on, this was not his intention and that I was his best ever friend in the entire world) I came out with it directly as I was really hurting now, I asked what is going on with him and this Turkish girl, i want the truth.. He said they were like brother and sister and this is all.I was very upset at this stage feeling rejection and I said I need to cry and goodnight.He phoned me and was crying heavily down the phone saying do not leave me. Oh well I was soft and we both talked and became friends again. We are still talking as friends and I am still meeting him in a couple of months in Turkey. The last thing has happened has awakened my suspicions though.. He put a profile photo on his wall cutting her out the picture.. She asked why and his ''replied it is for the best kiddo :)''I just do not know anymore is it me being jealous? are they together as a couple , am I being scammed by them............ Just need some help please
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI read all your comments and I understand some of your concerns but I shall still go and have first and formost a nice holiday for me and secondly meet him but only in public places .. My holiday has been booked and with a reputible company with a holiday rep
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 February 2012):
 The girl seems very iffy. The guy, I can't tell whether some of it is language barrier or him just being a really odd man or a guy who has been "grooming" you so he can take advantage of your nationality. It is really hard to say. The fact that he introduced you to her, without really explaining who she is (to him in general) makes me think he had an ulterior motive and that his relationship with her is not as "innocent" as he claims, even if he removed her. He is obviously OK with him getting comments from women, but you can't get a compliment from a guy? Red flag again.
I would stick to "just" being Facebook friends with him and look for love closer to home. IF, and that is a big IF, you want him in your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I would say follow your gut. Which means you're being scammed. the whole situation sounds like a setup for a bad thriller.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Then think how even worse you would feel once this guy and his accomplice ( it sounds like they are "working " in pair ) have cleaned you out of all your money and belongings and let you stranded somewhere maybe in the middle of Anatolia to make it home by yourself somehow.
Sorry but I agree with the others, the whole rigmarole sounds extremely questionable to me, and I'd be suspicious also just of a Turkish man who's still single at 37, in a place where society is very family oriented and men get married very early ( by our standards at least ).It's unusual, and it would make me wonder.
Anyway , meeting people off the Internet always involves some element of risk, which grows exponentially if the meetings happen out of your turf, in a country where you have no family, friends or support and you don't know the language . So, if the trip had been planned with the sole intent of meeting this man... either I'd skip the trip, or I'd skip the guy and I'd enjoy visiting Turkey without romance in my mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Please don't feel bad sweety! Please look into 409 scams and look into a forum called 409 eater (google it) and you will get a lot of info on scams and how the operate you can also post there sometimes people post there and see that these profiles are used to scam people of money or residency on other countries . Please be careful and keep him as a FB friend
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI now feel 100 times worse than before after reading your comments
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (13 February 2012):
 It sounds very suspicious and scam or not, I think you should stay out of it.
For one thing, a shadow of doubt will always be there in your mind, you can never let your guard down (and shouldn't too!) and there's no point in being in such a relationship where there is a constant strain.
Please DO NOT befriend people you dont personally know, on Facebook. If you are silly enough to do that, do not ever agree to meet them. You are in love with a person you dont even know and that's just really silly. Come on OP, at your age this is not even excusable. Please do not go to Turkey to meet him not ask him to come to your country. Another thing that raises suspicion is the fact that he asked you to befriend his "friend".
Don't fall for any of the "kiddo" nonsense, he knows this "kiddo" a lot longer than he knows you and he's not cutting her out of anything for your sake. Think rationally, you are being taken for a ride.
For heaven's sake block him off Facebook and this other woman too and cut off all contact with him. You don't owe anyone any explanation, just cut him out. And if you still choose to ignore all the advice given to you here, then we'll be seeing you on Discovery on the true story of a British lady being scammed.
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A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (13 February 2012):
There is a good chance that it is a scam. I'm married to a Moroccan man. I met many other women online involved with other Moroccans; more than half were scams. Never send money or gifts. Even if it's not a scam, marriage is difficult. Thousands of dollars for visa process. Most
Of the men are not used to working as Americans do.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (13 February 2012):
I think you are being scammed.
You're right that not many men (or women these days) are interested in embroidery. Does it seem like he's interested in whatever you mention? Remember online that most people can seem knowledgable about most things with a quick google search. So that's the first thing that makes me a little suspicious - he might not be being himself and is doing anything to get on your good side.
The second thing was how out of the blue his friend (apparently, and I'm assuming you know for sure) posted on your Facebook about how beautiful you were. This to me seems a cleverly orchestrated way to intensify the situation, make you feel guilty and worried that he had cut contact. Then shortly after the confusion, he declared that he loved you. Very convenient timing. I think he planned this.
The third - after he knew he had gained your trust (by you saying you loved him), only then did he introduce you to his female friend who does sound like she's after a visa. Why did he even feel the need to introduce you in the first place? I don't know if they are together or not but by the way he called her 'kiddo' she sounds more like his family, maybe they are literally brother and sister.
Fourth, I find it highly unlikely that he's not dated anyone in 24yrs, in fact I don't believe that at all and it just goes to show he isn't totally trustworthy.
I think this has all been carefully planned and yes I think they are scamming you. Also I have to admit that I have the same sort of feeling as Code Warrior.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): I think he and his group of friends are highly suspect- and yes they will try to scam you in some way. He sounds weird and unstable at the least. Don't put energy into online drama with people you really know nothing about and who you have never met in person. There are so many red flags on this one I can't count them. Find people in real life and work from there. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): Why are you wasting the prime of your life on a computer getting suckered into scary drama with people you don't know?There are so many things wrong with this situation on so many different levels. And NO it doesn't make your life more exciting to risk it. Maybe you are afraid and avoidant of having real relationships or you are one of those moth drawn to fire types, who knows. I think getting out there regularly in the world, even connecting with nature and other people at the coffee shop would snap you out of this fantasy soon enough. They are a couple working in tandum. She appeals to the men they are trying to scam and he appeals to the women.They create a love triangle so the victim feels more emotionally charged about the situation. Look at you...it's working. Jealousy creates heated emotions, sense of urgency, and the victim does impulsive things to secure the loved one. They are most likely sleeping together and working this act on many other people. Just delete and block both of them and stop writing men from other countries. You'll never have a relationship if you don't frequently see and date a man who isn't local. Men don't operate in fantasy online worlds but will take advantage of naive women who do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): Why dont you go out, socialise and make new friends. I`m sorry, but it sounds to me that desperation is getting in the way of good sense and you are living a delusion. How can anyone be jealous of someone off the internet that they dont even know? Turn your computer off for a week and come to your senses!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): I think he sent out a signal to cut her out of his life and to separate his Identity for the sake of you. So it was meaningful and a message to her.
However, what is with all the drama?
You keep having these reservations and to be honest, I would not have an ongoing friendship with this man and then go visit him in Turkey if you are just friends.Because you are already acting like you and him are in a LDR and have the expectations like you are BF and GF and you are NOT.
I say trust your gut. You know way more what is going on, can read his intent.
Who just asks some stranger to GET them an Iphone and write a letter for them? HOLY OVERSTEP your boundaries and use people. You are correct on that one for sure.
Cut them out of your life. I find it highly suspect of a 30 something man having photos of a 20 something in his FB and then he's trying to get you to trust and invest in him and see him as a BF or romantic interest but you are JUST FRIENDS.
Slimy Liar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): Sounds to me like there are some things here that just don't add up, and there is probably a good chance that he and this turkish girl (probably his real girlfriend) are attempting to use you for a visa. Ask him where he thinks this relationship is actally going, and do not under any circumstances give him any money. Watch out for the typical stories, like he wants to visit, and he starts on his trip but someone in the family gets very sick all of a sudden, or his passport is taken off him, and he needs you to send money quick...classic scam lines, protect yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): you should be dating people whom you actually know.. maybe via work etc..
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female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (12 February 2012):
From what ive read from your post it does seem as if something is going on, not with him and this girl but for your suspicions of being scammmed. I would trust your gut and if you think something is wrong then you need to stop talking to both of them, do NOT meet this man on any circumstances, cut them both from your life and try to move on from this and try not to get too involved next time, considering SHE has already asked you to write a letter which lets her into the country then its obvious that is the reason he wanted you to talk to her, remove them both from facebook, your phone, email or however else they can get in contact with you and try to move on with your life
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