A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.. I think its a bit ridiculous question but I can't help to stop this thought :(I have boyfriend of 3 years and our relationship is quite great. He's really a caring man, mature and understands me. I know he really loves me deeply. We both the same age 22. Both family agreed on our relationship.Lately I watch so much daai tv movie which is true story that I've seen many man betray and lie to their wife although they sacrifice so many things to get the girl at the first. It influence my mind that I'm afraid if that could happen to me in reality. He already told me that he would only marry me if he could have stable financial condition as I know he's now trying so hard and seriously to find money and good career. Once when we quarrel he told me that he has targeted to marry me in 3 years (that's not his promise to me, but that's just kind of his thought) And I know he really means it. Now what I worried about is:1. His family is considered as kind to me, but not very close. Might be my fault, I'm not aggresive enough to be closer with them. I just can't find any good topic to start the conversation. Will I be lonely after we married? 2. I afraid that I couldn't live happily as what I've imagine and wish for. I know we must accept reality but I just afraid of what will going on later. We still don't have a certainty and I think we never really discuss about the future specifically like how we would live, how we gonna be. He said that he can't discuss something that he hasn't obtain and ask me to wait and see while he's trying to make it happen and when the time arrive we just arrange everything.I really wish to get married soon, I love children so much and wish to start having a happy family with him. 3. When I asked him what he thinks about me, he said that I'm childish, close-minded and an egotist. I ask why he still loves me then, he said he doesn't know. He said he loves me with no reason. He just wish I have better life and live happy forever and maybe I can change my negative side to have better life. When he see I'm sad, he said he loves me because I'm so loyal to him and he sees that I have a good motherhood character. Is it possible that he really loves me with no reason? Could people change during time and love fades after married for years? Am I just too pessimist and negative thinking? Please any opinion, suggestion, and solution for that?Pardon me for my bad english, still learning and trying hard to get help from you guys.. :)
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female
reader, babyorange  +, writes (9 July 2012):
Thank you for your response :)
Yes, I know everybody says he's a good man. Even my dad who is very selective to my boyfriend before.
I think you're right, maybe I want to marry soon, but inside I still feel unsure about it. Confusing me. Hahah..
Me and him come from too different family and he realized that he need to work harder to fulfill my needs and children needs later. I know he just want me to have a happy life with him.
Btw are you married woman? If so, what can make you so sure to say yes when your boyfriend propose? Don't you afraid to take the responsibilities and risk with him all your life without regret?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Thank you for your response :)
Yes, I know everybody says he's a good man. Even my dad who is very selective to my boyfriend before.
I think you're right, maybe I want to marry soon, but inside I still feel unsure about it. Confusing me. Hahah..
Me and him come from too different family and he realized that he need to work harder to fulfill my needs and children needs later. I know he just want me to have a happy life with him.
Btw are you married woman? If so, what can make you so sure to say yes when your boyfriend propose? Don't you afraid to take the responsibilities and risk with him all your life without regret?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 I do not think you are being pessimistic or paranoid, I think you are being realistic for your situation. Unfortunately there are no guarantees when it comes to love, but it does sound like your man wants to plan a future with you. He is preparing financially to have you as his wife. It also sounds like he knows you and your faults and still loves you. That is a good trait to have in a spouse because no one is perfect. He sees your imperfections and still wants you in his life. He also thinks you would be a good mother which is a huge compliment for many women.
Yes, people do change over time. That is inevitable, but if you are both commited to one another and making the relationship work, your marriage will be successful. I think like others have said here, over the years the "romance" fades and is replaced with a genuine and deeper love and appreciation for one another.
This man sounds like a good man, but do not get married if you are not ready. You cannot be completely sure of things in life no matter what you are doing. Not everything will go the way you think it should, so you must be prepared for that. If you do marry this man, you will have to work with him to make the best life possible for the both of you and any children you may have.
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