A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm obsessed that my boyfriend wants to cheat on me even though I know he never will. He has never cheated on any of the women he's been with, yet every girlfriend he's had (including his ex-wife) has cheated on him. His mother told me that I would never have to worry about him cheating (and she is honest about what sort of problems I will have to worry about). Still, he mentions girls from work, some of whom I know, and I can't help feeling like he wants to sleep with them. One time he purposely mentioned a girl to make me jealous, and when I didn't think anything of it, he told me he was trying to get me jealous. I asked if he thought she was pretty and he said, "everyone thinks she's pretty." Then, he was talking the other day about how he thinks it would be weird to be with a girl much shorter than him (I'm tall, but not taller than him). He said he wouldn't like it, but then shifts to talking about this short petite girl at work whose husband beats her up. He talked about how he might have to go beat up her husband, and even call his work place and try to get him fired. I feel bad for the girl, but it upset me that he wanted to go rescue her. He also looks at porn every day, and even though I told him it doesn't bother me, I also told him that I didn't want to know when he did it. He always leaves the history on, and the bed is always arranged in such a way that I know within the first two minutes of coming home whether he has looked at it or not. Sometimes I look at it too. I started to try to understand it more, and I do get turned on by it, but honestly, I cannot climax unless I'm thinking of my boyfriend. I might think of other guys, but when it comes to climaxing, it is impossible unless I think of my boyfriend.Am I being irrational? He gets annoyed at me all the time for being insecure and jealous. Something else that bothers me is that he is divorced, and he told me that while he was married, he had a crush on a girl (whom I know) and used to say things to her like, "I don't think the two of us should be alone together." I told the girl that my boyfriend used to have a crush on her, and she said, "oh, he had a big time crush on me." That didn't bother me, except that I think back on it now and wonder whether he would say the same thing to other girls while he is with me. There is a guy at my work to whom I am attracted, and it makes me feel good to have him around while my boyfriend is making me jealous with these other girls, but I would never disrespect him by openly admitting to the guy or anyone else that I find him attractive. I would consider it cheating to tell that guy that if we were both single, I'd love to have fun with him, but then I wonder if my boyfriend tells that to girls he works with.My boyfriend has talked of marriage in the past, but now says he won't get married to me until I get over jealousy and insecurity. I don't think I can if he is talking about girls he works with (maybe once a week or once every two weeks). Am I being irrational?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): I think that you bf is a loser. If he looks at porn when you two are together i think that is rediculous. I believe that if you are in a relationship with someone you shouldnt need porn. To me that is disrespectful. It just screams that he isnt only attracted to you.
A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions?  +, writes (2 August 2009):
Sounds like he's being immature and playing mind games with you - not a good basis for a relationship.
So no, I don't think you're being irrational, but he's playing his games to make out that you are the problem.
If you think that he will cheat on you, it means that you don't trust him 100%, and without trust, your relationship will eventually turn sour.
Time to reassess whether you can live in this situation for - potentially - the rest of your life. If the answer is 'no', then move on to a new relationship that doesn't bring you this kind of frustration and uncertainty.
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