A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Please exit out of this questions if you’re easily offended by religious topics, I’m going to be questioning some actions that revolve around that theme. How can I help my mom break free from the manipulation of people who only want her money? She doesn’t take care of herself or her family because all her time and devotion goes to the church a.k.a the priest whose actions I’ll discuss with you. I consider helping others being a priority in life. I think giving to the ones in need is something we should all strive for. Nonetheless, I am very protective of my mom and all the money that she makes is being handed out to people who don’t really need it. I’ve seen the messages where she is told that “God needs the money for the church”, in a very condemning way, every single week to pay or bills that the father has. First of all, it is a home church. It is a house that the father rents, he lives there. The members pay for all of his life expenses, rent included, so he can live there with his friends. The priest is a young man, who is also a gamer. I’ve seen how an expensive store posted a photo of him next to products, thanking him for buying thousands of dollars worth of gear, around the same time that he sent very unnecessary pity seeking pictures that no one asked for, to prove that he has “old clothes and members can’t even help with the rent! shame on you!”. Like what is the relation between the two? He even went on to say that “God was angry knowing how people don’t help when he is in need and that he will take away all from the people who don’t help.” That was very barbaric to me, but of course my mom will do anything based on fear. I’m 100% sure he got all of the gaming gear, upgrades for which he already had, with the same money he demanded for the last rent money, but my mom didn’t want to see that and said that it must be a donation. Why would someone donate gear that he already has and is functional?. He buys a lot of high-end stuff just to adorn which I don’t think is necessary but who knows. At the end it's entertainment for the people as well. I feel distrustful. Several times that his help wasn't needed, he appeared without anyone calling him because he had an ulterior motive. He tries to help people with the “you can live here but you have to work and clean for us everyday including weekends” kind of help. He was convincing my mom that I should leave my boyfriend and live there, of course I would be helping him and my mom would be giving him more money. I know my mom can’t question his actions because she said he told her that he can read her mind, and he would know that she’s doubting him. Yes. He reads minds. I could go on and on about the problems with this cult dynamics, like him completely disregarding biosecurity measures during the pandemic, forcing us to attend mass even though cars were not even allowed on the streets, and forcing us to not wear a mask in a closed small place and shaming those like me who came wearing a mask in church because “who believes in Covid being real inside his church is denying the power of God to protect the church members”. He proclaimed that he cured Covid. I got sick after going to mass. My mom is an amazing woman, but she has an ideal in her head of the martyr, the one who donates everything to the ones in need and dies poor but goes to be with the Lord. The thing is, I am selfish and I don’t believe all that she is doing will help her, indeed I think it would destroy her. I want her to be here a long time and not have this terrible fate for the sake of an unsure future. I no longer think that the focus of this life should be the afterlife.She is not a wealthy person, she is a hardworking woman in her sixties and she is being exploited and gaslighted for all of her savings. There’s two religious groups that are constantly requiring for her contribution, and now there is a family who also need her to take care of them *forever*. This whole situation has even made me question my faith, and I stopped going to church at all. She made me start to go to church because he started applying pressure on her for me to go, and that she's not doing a good job as a mom. Then he required for me to give him money, food and to bring more people in. I could also go on and on about how he eats a lot and is very obese, gaining more weight each and every day even though he has a lot of diseases from the same habit that require for him to go on a strict diet! But of course, he knows that each and every treatment is paid for by the members when he needs it. He continues to ask people to bring him fast food as a donation. He’s told me several times that he likes big burgers with fries and coke, *wink wink*. I swear this is all true, I’m not even joking. I’m scared because my mom is not going to be here forever and there’s not much I can do to help her in case something happens to her, I'm a mom and in debt at the moment. I depend on my boyfriend since I was sixteen. I never had any help from my parents since that age and I thought it’s ok because that way they can focus on themselves, but it makes me angry how this grown up man can have my mom at his feet doing everything he or anyone says. My dad he just doesn’t care but he is so in love with mom and depends on her too, so he doesn’t say anything. Then something unexpected happened, which is what made me ask for your advice. A woman who was my nanny and sometimes helped my mom cleaning, died of some undiagnosed sickness. We had to travel to the rural side for her funeral. It was a bad idea because her mom, angry for her death started making my mom feel somehow guilty(?)that she is leaving her 19 year old and 15 year old behind and implying that my mom is in charge now. My mom promised to be there for them in any way possible, and the grandma of the kids wanted them to come live with my mom! which is crazy, because I can’t even return to my own home which I want to since a long time. I just can’t deal anymore with this. My mom is the same age as this woman if not older. Maybe I lack empathy, maybe ’m selfish, because all that I’ve been through, but I just have to stop this. My mom was an orphan at 18 years old, I know she is tired and she needs to think about her retirement. How is mom going to care for the grand-kids of this woman if she can’t even deal with her own?. They have a very big close family, our family is small and not close, at all. I watched my mom give the daughter a wad of cash and as soon as she turned around, no one was even crying anymore and they started counting the cash and everyone asking for their share. The money was for the kids, not the rest of the people. I feel happy that she can help and I trust that the money will help them. But I want my mom to live a long life and working without any vacation is not the way to go. I want to save money so I can give her the much needed vacations, but I also need to make her wake up and see things as they are. This has been going on for years with the church, and with other religious groups as well. I know she does this as a hobby, to feel accomplished, to gain her space in heaven and if that is what makes her happy, it’s OK, but the situation with the priest is out of control. This needs to stop. If I could get her away from him to another place I know I would because he told her that if vaccines are mandatory he will take her and my brothers to a secure place, away from everything and she's up for it. That would be the breaking point of my whole family. What should I do? I couldn’t sleep last night because I love her so much. Your thoughts are appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2021): Typo corrections and revisions:
"He will forgive us of our sins, heal us of our infirmities; and give us a peace beyond all human understanding."
"He is also the God of healing and restoration."
"People presume to question His ways and judgement."
"If the priest is using the parish tithes and offering for his own personal use; then that should be reported."
P.S.
If you do decide to report the priest for perceived improprieties; you better have two or more witnesses, and evidence to back it up.
Your accusations alone are not enough. Your prejudices against your mother's religion and misunderstanding of having a generous-heart, may make you misjudge her motives and actions. You've made some pretty heavy accusations about the priest; yet you haven't taken them to his superiors. You've characterized you're mother as nearly mindless and gullible. Giving too much tends to remedy itself. If you don't pay your own bills, things get shutoff, you can't afford food, and you might end-up homeless. Giving with God's Spirit and anointing, will be rewarded with a blessing many times more than what you've given. It's not like gambling or investing, it's of a divine spiritual origin; under the supervision and guidance of Jesus Christ. Foolhardiness and religious zeal will leave you broke, and that's not God's fault. Failure to know your Bible will make you rely on your own judgement; circumventing what is explained in the Holy scriptures.
She's a grown-woman, and unless you can prove she's not of a sound-mind; you have no say over what she chooses to do with her money. Even if we know someone is following a false-prophet, or being mislead by false-teaching; only God can change their mind and hearts. Asking God to help her to see, will reveal the truth. Your own feelings about her choice of faith, or any disbeliefs you have are irrelevant. Our relationship with God is personal.
People who think God is about money are truly confused. God doesn't need money, and He doesn't require us to provide the shepherds of our faith with a lavish lifestyle. He will provide the priest with what he needs, and any misuse of church funds will surely be exposed eventually.
If he's a real priest, then he swore a vow of poverty; and should have an aversion to greed and materialism. If your mother thinks serving God means she always has to give her money; then maybe she doesn't know God at all. God is Jehovah Girah, He provides for our needs. He can supply us with endless blessings. He doesn't need money, He owns everything in the universe. Our offerings helps the church to serve the community; and to maintain our temple of worship. We can provide our ministers, pastors, or priests with a home and transportation; if the parish wishes to do so.
I think God will divinely intervene; and she'll start to realize she can't financially support everybody. Sometimes prayer is sufficient for the needy. You should only give with a pure and giving heart. Trying to show everybody how generous and charitable you are for a pat on the back is all the reward you'll get. Like I said, an atheist or nonbeliever can be kind and generous. Doling-out all your money proves nothing to God. It's how you live, serve Him, treat others, and how you show your faith in Him that counts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2021): In reading your post I couldn't see where an ordained priest could be so rogue as to be a cult leader. I could only wonder what diocese he belongs to, and who he answers to? Who's presiding over his parish? Any issues you have regarding the priest should be taken to the Bishop.
It's not uncommon in these modern days for prosperity ministries and mega-churches to prey on the guilt and consciences of people seeking God and His gospel. People who are broken and down-trodden, losing hope and very vulnerable. Those seeking salvation and redemption. If you sincerely seek God, He helps you to find Him. The Holy Spirit will intercede on your prayers, and He will nurture your faith. Jesus Christ will open the way to our Heavenly Father. He will forgive us of our sins, heal us of our iniquities; and give us a peace beyond all human understanding. Many misunderstand that to mean you'll never run into problems, or bad things won't happen to you. That's not the case.
God promises we won't have to face hardship or pain alone. God will heal your sorrows and illnesses, forgive all your sins (if you repent and ask Him to); and by your faith, He will see you through all sorts of trials and calamity you never could endure on your own. People become disillusioned because of fake Christians and religious posers, but God gets the bad rap. How is God to blame, you're free to chose your church and ministry. You pray for discernment, so you'll avoid fakes and false-prophets. God will lead you to a good one if you pray for it.
Giving money doesn't buy our way into heaven. God clearly lays it out for us in the Bible; then the Holy Spirit gives us an understanding what the written Word of God means. We are not left to our natural intelligence; it's purely spiritual. It is divine.
God doesn't expect us to be perfect, we mess-up sometimes. He gives us the gift of grace; and His forgiveness and mercy allows us to find salvation through Jesus Christ. Who died in our place on a cross. He was a pure and unblemished blood sacrifice; and He purchased the forgiveness of sins, that we should have been punished for. He reconciled sinful man with a Holy God. Now all we have to do is ask for forgiveness, believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God, accept Him as our Savior; and ask Him to change our hearts. He'll take it from there. He's so kind and loving, He blesses us even when we are sinful and unbelieving. He chooses those to be saved, and He knew us before we were even born. He knows the beginning and the end; so He knows those who will be saved and will make it into heaven. We have free choice; and all can seek Him. You wouldn't unless you were chosen. Otherwise, you'd be a nonbeliever for life, of your own freewill. You'll be given a lifetime of chances to change your mind.
It's up to your mother what she does with her money; and who she wishes to give it to. Many people believe it's through their works and good deeds that they'll bribe their way into heaven. Meanwhile, they're self-righteous and judgy. That's not completely the way it works. God changes us, He tests and refines us. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. We are given the Bible as a manual for spiritual-living; which is the doctrine and the Word of God. We are too weak, and the desires of our flesh are too strong to adhere to God's laws and commands 100%; so in His benevolent mercy and agape love, He gives us His grace. We receive guidance and ministry through the Holy Spirit. You can give every dime you have to the poor, and do good deeds all day; but if you're not faithful, obedient, prayerful, and fearful of God. Your do-gooding won't get you anywhere. If God has sent you to help your mother, no-one and nothing will get in your way. He will open her eyes if and when she goes overboard. If she blindly follows false-teachings without consulting with her Bible and prayer; she opens herself to evil and deception. Prayer will save her.
God doesn't like it when we pretend to be pious, and showoff to be praised by mankind. We have to do good things humbly and without making a big to-do about it. If it comes from your heart, you don't need anyone to know what good you're doing. People will see God in you, and only He gets the glory. You don't do good on your own, God's Spirit within us makes us do good things. You can be a good-person without believing in God; because we are His creation in His likeness. He placed the ability to do good in us all; and the ability to tell right from wrong. We can follow man's law. Which is based on God's laws; requiring us not to kill, steal, lie, cheat, commit adultery, and take from others what does not belong to us. We can be generous and give, without believing in God. Unfortunately, you won't go to heaven if you don't believe there is a God. He won't accept or reward our unbelief. Your mother's faith will protect her. Even when she may be making some mistakes; but she means to do good.
You have to read the Bible, have faith, and pray daily for understanding and discernment. The Holy Spirit will guide your steps and help you to avoid false-prophets, diviners, cult-leaders, and other deceptions of evil. Nothing happens outside the will of God. Sometimes we do foolish things; and He allows us to learn the error of our ways. Then He puts us back on the right-track. Prayer and trust are the keys to God's heart; and our obedience and fear of His might and power brings us closer to Him. If your mother knows this, and believes this; then she's on the right path. She may have been fooled; or her faith is being exploited as you may believe.
From your description, it seems your mother isn't necessarily doing anything directly for the priest; but she thinks what she's doing is required by, and for the good of the church. The rest is born of her kind and generous nature. If she is being stolen from; God will see that she will get every penny of it back. He is also the God or healing and restoration. If you know and believe this, don't worry too much about your mother. Pray and ask for His help. God will intervene when necessary.
The danger of relying on the word of man; without prayer, and knowledge of your Bible, you'll be fooled. Don't forget, God sees all. He will make sure that anything your mother does or gives of a pure heart will go where He wants it to go. If she is under the misunderstanding that giving under the direction of man will give her a shortcut to heaven; she'll discover that's not the way. Her journey and behavior is between her and the Lord. You can intervene whenever it is obvious she is being shammed or taken advantage of; but it still comes-down to your mother doing what she wishes, and following her faith according to her own heart. God's divine intervention will protect His children. If you feel your mother is lost, then pray about it. The Holy Spirit will intercede and expose things. He will open her eyes and direct her to the right path.
If the priest is using the parish tithes for his own personal use; then that should be reported. If you know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. If your mother does her own individual charity work; that's up to her. You don't get to interfere; and if it's God's work, you won't be able to anyway. If she's blind and can't see something is fishy; then all you can really do is pray God exposes the truth. He will! Trust Him! He won't answer your prayers; if you don't believe He hears and cares. He does. He is sovereign, He acts according to His own will. You don't advise God, or tell Him what's best. That's arrogance. If He takes a long time to answer a prayer; wait on Him. His timing is impeccable. Remember, He's God! You're not!!! People like presume to question His ways and judgement. Faith answers a lot of our questions, and reveals a lot about His ways. Most things you'll never understand. He's God, beyond all human comprehension. He doesn't answer to us, or have to explain Himself. Would you, if you were the Creature of the earth and multiverse? I trust Him, and I believe.
In such situations as yours, you pray on it. This is God's territory. Jesus will open her eyes; and she will see whatever is deceitful or ungodly. Don't get in the way of her kindness, just remind her to let God be God. He is also a provider. He gives and gives, and blesses! Sometimes you don't need to give from your purse; but pray for people. Love your neighbor, and give from your heart. Loving your enemy means to be kind and forgiving towards them, in spite of their evil towards you. We often misinterpret that to mean you have absolute affection for someone you don't know. You can be kind to a stranger out of the goodness of your heart. That is love, according to Jesus. It's hard to be kind to an enemy; but killing them with kindness activates God's intervention. He will shame the enemy, and He will bless you in-front of the enemy; to let anyone know you are a child of God, not just anybody! If the priest is what you say he is, he's in for a very big fall from grace. It's only a matter of time. God's time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2021): Testing to see if this post goes through first, then I will answer your post.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2021): I totally forgot the mail I used to create my account. I wanted to say thank you to both Honeypie and Youcannotbeserious. Thank you both for your answer and to answer your questions, I'll say first to Honeypie: It's true, I need to take her somewhere. It's the only church so I'm in the middle because I don't want to leave but I'm thinking about just practicing from home, which is very frowned upon by the priest. I don't know what to do. And to Youcannotbeserious: You have a very good perspective on things, thank you for reading twice and for your advice. Maybe I should leave my mom alone. My beliefs aren't even clear to me, so I don't know. My mom forced me to go because she gets all heated and disappointed about me not going to church, and she does this only to me, not the rest of my family. I went there and the priest humiliated me for wearing a mask, giving a speech about non believers and that the one who wears that to church is insulting God and his power. That the virus doesn't exist there. That in other churches it does because this is the chosen one. I took of my mask off because it was all while focusing on me that had the mask on. People where looking at me. After some time, a woman next to me started sneezing and coughing, without her mask. I was mortified. I never went outside other than this day, I was the only one that went out or saw anyone and I got sick after that, with the same symptoms and including horrible migraines. I had to go alone through all of this just because that man publicly humiliated me for wearing a mask.I left because I wasn't treated right, and my parents could never give me the life I wanted. They treated me like trash. I wanted to escape them and I met this older man, 21. He groomed me at 16. We got in a relationship. My parents were happy about it. I got pregnant at 17. They were accepting of it even though they know he lied about everything, even his real name. he had told us that he's sterile. Then I find out that he was planning all of this. I wanted to press charges but they were against it. I still want to. I stayed with him, and years later after trying, I came back home because I just couldn't deal with the abusive relationship. He cheated on me since the beginning. I met another guy. I left again. I had my second baby. My family and I get along very well now, just not while living under the same roof. I say that I was dependent on my boyfriend since I was 16, but I have worked too, so technically I have been independent. It hurts to see my mom be so naive and fall for other people, wanting to take other guests home when I've begged her for years. My two sons might be too much, but I've been well behaved all of this time, trying to prove her that I'm worthy, that I'll help her. Yet she can't take me back. She has a lot of excuses, good ones, like that she doesn't have space. But now she wants to take someone else's big grand-kids...I have asked her to come back because I have problems at home. She pretends like nothing is happening, and it's because she lost her mom and her dad left so she doesn't even know what it's like to have them. And now she's thinking having a servant's daughter in her house. A servant which did help her only in random ocassions. I just don't get it, and I hope she doesn't. She's already invited only the daughter to stay for some time. That is one little piece of all of what's going on. It hurts me a lot because I've always begged her to help me but she can't. She sees me as someone who had it all and got pregnant just like she did. It's ok, I still love her with all my heart. Thank you both very much for answering my question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2021): When people give to "higher ups" in the church that has nothing to do with being a martyr or kind, they do it to buy their way into heaven - to a better life later. It is a selfish act not a kind act. I've seen it happen many times. To your mum it is more important to feel that her future in the hands of the great one are secure, that her place in a better World when she dies is secure, than to have money, it is her choice. It is her money! He sounds like a con man but no matter what you say about it to her she will not listen and the more you say the more she will dig her heels in and carry on.You did not need to go to the church. You could refuse and no matter what anyone says they cannot tie you up in a sack and force you to be there. My family used to demand I went to church, I said no, and no matter what they said or how they felt I stuck to no. I was only about twelve but I was not going to be dictated to. To me you only go to church if you believe in it, otherwise it is hypocrisy and a farce. You choose which religion - if any - you believe in - not your family or elders. If they dictate it to you the it is not a belief at all. If this matters to you then you stick up for yourself and do what is right for you, not give in to please others or save arguments.
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reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (12 July 2021):
 I had to read through your post twice because the first time it seemed to be full of contradictions and inconsistencies. Unfortunately it was no better the second time around. It's strange how often a post will seemingly be about one issue yet, as it progresses, more issues are revealed and you start to question what is the REAL issue.
You are (understandably) opposed to your mother being coerced into certain beliefs yet you seem to have no qualms about coercing her yourself into what YOU believe. I agree she sounds to be being brainwashed and manipulated (I mean mind reading, really?) but she is an adult, presumably of sound mind, in which case she is entitled to make her own decisions, whether you agree with them or not. You have a right to voice your reservations but you do NOT have a right to coerce her into behaviour YOU believe to be right.
You are frustrated with your mother for giving in to the brainwashing and manipulation of the "religious" groups yet you are doing the same. Nobody MADE you go to mass. Nobody MADE you go back to the church or give money to the priest or bring in more people to be manipulated (I personally find that last part particularly sick when you know full well what is involved). Nobody held a gun to your head and made you do it. Can you not see how you are sending your mother mixed messages? Always remember, it is far easier to change by example than by opinion.
A point which made me chuckle was where you say you "got sick from going to mass". Really? You never went anywhere else or had any contact with anyone else around that time? You didn't go shopping? You didn't have contact with your boyfriend or child who, presumably, were out and about, having contact with others? You didn't have contact with your parents? If you felt that unsafe, you really should not have put yourself in a situation with so many unmasked people. Your actions and words do not match. I also can't help wondering, as you don't mention anything, whether your child or boyfriend or anyone else with whom you have regular contact "got ill" from you? And how ill exactly did you get? I can't help thinking it can't have been that bad if you went back.
Many people believe that the key to heaven is via poverty in this life. Most religions have this belief as part of their philosophy, including the bible. "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven". Your mother has been indoctrinated into believing this and it will be difficult for you to change her mind, especially as you are contributing to the same church. Just because you say you do not believe "the focus of this life should be the afterlife" does not mean you have any right to impose your beliefs on your mother.
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that faith and religion are two completely different things. You can have faith without allegiance to a religion or church. I believe religion is just a tool of mass control. I was raised Roman Catholic and, even while at school, was questioning a lot of what was in the bible. Since the extensive revelations which have come to light in recent years about child abuse in Catholic care homes, I have realised my gut instincts were correct on many things. Luckily you are still aware that what is going on is not "right", so it's a shame that you cannot step away from it instead of continuing to support it. I understand you don't want your mother to get grief from the priest but she has made her choice; you cannot protect her from the consequences by sacrificing yourself.
You say you are in debt and have depended on your boyfriend since you were 16 (so, at least 10 years, if your profile age is correct). Can you not get a job and make your own money? Your parents raised you till that age and, for whatever reasons (and there must be some) they feel they have done their duty by you and no longer feel any obligation to support you. Given how generous your mother is to others, there must be a reason why she does not feel willing to support her own daughter.
The situation with the 15 and 19 year old offspring of your ex nanny is just ludicrous. However, once again it is your mother's call. Interesting that this is the trigger which has caused you to write in, and that you admit you want to go home but are not allowed to. Most parents will allow their children to return if they have room for them so, again, I have to question what you are leaving out here, why your parents are not willing to let you return. It is understandable the thought of complete strangers living with your parents while you are not allowed to would make you feel resentful, and I think this is the real issue with which you are dealing. Perhaps the way forward would be to make peace with your parents over whatever it was that happened when you were 16, which now prevents you returning home?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 July 2021):
 Is there a REAL church there? with a REAL priest who is looking to mooch off people? Maybe that would be a place to go for intervention? For help?
The thing with this is that your mom is a grown woman, she should be able to make decisions for herself. Think for herself. But.. Your mom sounds like she is looking for something in her life, thus falling for everything.
Should she raise other people's kids? Well, IF she wants too. But no, she is under no obligation. The grandmother is. She is family. Your mom really isn't.
I don't know what you can do here, to be frank. If you can't take her away or keep her away from people taking her money. Unless you physically can move your mom, brother, and yourself to another city where this "cult leader - or charlatan" can't contact your mom.
It does sound crazy and cultish.
Sorry. All I can think is to take her away from the area.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2021): Are your brothers minors?Maybe call cps? Look you can pay like just a few dollars and get a full background check on this guy.I bet you he has a past.I just bet it is riddled with things like fraud convictions.After your background check you just might have enough information to call the police because what he is doing is defrauding your mother.So he claims to be a preist?Maybe the Catholic church would have something to say about that.Maybe contact them also.Ask your mother how this man can be a priest while breaking all gods rules?Because let me tell you he is.He is not by any means living in poverty.He plays video games all day.When does he have time to feed and clothe and help the poor?Does he even know latin? Maybe you should lawyer up and get guardianship of your mother if she gives everything away to a con man.Maybe you can call adult protective services for his financial abuse of your mother?Find a real priest to talk to your mom to tell her people of God are not like this man and really you cannot buy your way into heaven.If none of this helps to low contact with your mom tell her it is you or the con man.God is not working thru this man Satan is and that is a fact.My thoughts are with you and I really hope somehow you get thru to her.Good luck.
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