A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been together for 10 years of which we have been married for 5. We were each others first and have never been with anyone else. I just recently found out that my wife has been chatting online with other men, then she took it one step further and called one of them after talking to him for only 20 mins. She has been texting back and forth with him even when we are together, she says shes talking to her sister but I had to check her phone and it was him. They talk very sexy back and forth and I told her I wasnt comfortable with her talking with him but she ends up doing it anyway. I happened to turn on her monitor this morning and see the conversation she had and she simply said she was thinking about him and he said the same. She says he is just a new friend and is interesting to talk to. He is in another state but he is already planning to come to our town to visit. I am just not sure if I am over reacting or if something needs to be done. She has never done anything like this before that I know of and I don't want to lose her over this. Any advice helps. Thanks.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): Hi.
You are definitely NOT overreacting. Chatting to someone is fine, as long as they know you're married or sopmething, so tehy dont make any moves and make you do stuff you wouldnt usually do. But texting them AND lying about it is just not on. I had a friend who was married for only about a year, and she met this random guy online. they got talking and they decided to meet up for a meal. they got drunk and ended up sleeping together. afterwards she was so upset she had cheated (and the guy had done a runner). she went back to her husband and told him. he was very angry for ages but he loved her so much. anyway she got a call from the guy who said he'd like to meet up again to apologise. she is a sucker for a apology so said yes. he got her drunk again and they slept together again. (she's a bit thick). she wound up pregnant and her husband couldn't trust her so he left her and now she has a 4month old baby and nobody to share it with. i just goes to show what simple chatting can lead to. i'd sit your wife down and tell her how uncomfortable you feel with her texting and mailing this man. she should understand if she's a half decent person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): I was married for 20 years, became bored by my husbands lack of attention and drinking and started speaking to a man on the internet in america. I spoke and text this man for 8 months, mostly behind my husbands back or when he was out working or drinking with his friends. I live in England but bought a ticket to go meet this man. I told my husband I was visiting this man as a friend and he wasn't happy but let me go. After the trip I returned home and admitted to my husband that I had been unfaithful.Two days later my husband left and never came back. I ended up losing my home, I hurt my children and my extended family.I really wished I could have seen things for what they were, that my marriage was in trouble and we had stopped talking. We should have tried to work it out without other people being involved and maybe it could have be saved. Even if we had tried and failed, at least I would still have my dignity. I will always regret what I did. I believe I will, at age 43, live a very lonely life and die alone. I also believe I will go to hell.Show this to your wife. Let her see where these things can lead. There is no good that can ever come of cheating.After the trip I never heard from the American man again. He had gotten what he wanted and then walked away.Please take the advice of those here who tell you to speak to your wife and win her back. I wished my husband had done that with me.I live in regret.
...............................
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 No you aren't over reacting. Women are seduced with words first...she's in danger and doesn't know it. She feels safe because she has you to love her, and she may feel that her texting is harmless, fun and exciting.
She is fooling herself because she is flattered by the attention.
Step up your attention to her - woo her again and keep itup!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Why wouldn't she be happy with you? That might be a key question ...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 January 2009):
 Yikes. First off no, you are not overreacting. What she is doing can easily slip into an emotional affair and then a physical one.
You need to nip in the butt. What you need is to talk about it. Ask her WHY she feel the need to talk to strange men on the internet. Tell her HOW it makes you feel.
The fact that she is even lying about it is not good either.
I had a sister-in-law (with husband and 4 small kids) who I guess out of curiosity and boredom started to chat online and almost made the mistake of leaving husband and kids for a guy 2 states over, who as it turned out was married too and a liar to boot.
If talking don't seem to work then maybe you two need some outside help. That can be counseling from your minister/pastor/priest/rabbi if you belong to a church or some couples counseling.
Something is up. Could be she is not feeling she is getting enough attention from you, so she is getting it from strangers, very slippery slope.
Good luck,
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 January 2009):
This is not you over-reacting.
Chatting online is fine, flirting a little bit is fine. Texting one guy constantly and lying about it is not fine.
I disagree that you should "put your foot down" but I think you need to sit her down, tell her you know she is lying about contacting him and that you really really really are not happy with it. Tell her how much you love her and shower her with attention to remind her why she fell in love with you. Take her out and treat her really well. Win her back. Tell her how gorgeous she is.
If you Forbid her from doing something then it makes you less attractive to her and makes him forbidden and more of an option. If you let her know what she's risking losing then she might realise that this guy's nice words and flattery are just that, and that you think all the things he does but you LOVE HER too.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
