A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:OK, I don't know what to do...I started a relationship with this guy I've known for years about a month ago. So far, we've only had oral and manual sex. It's clear he wants to go all the way, but he's reassured me that he won't do anything I'm not comfortable with. He's been very understanding with it all and he's told me what to expect once I am ready (yes, I'm a virgin if you hadn't already guessed). We've even talked about protection and contraception.Even though he says he's fine with it until I'm sure I'm ready, I still feel like I'm disappointing him.I'm in love with this guy and I feel like I'm ready, but I'm scared of the pain it will cause. I've told him about my fears and he understands fully.I just need advice, I have no idea.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009):
I think it is wonderful that you and him are in love, and he must really like you to tell you that he will wait for you.
But that doesn't mean you guys should have sex. First of all at the age of 14 you are still to young( I'm 14 too so please dont be offended when I say you are too young).But is your heart really ready to give your virginity to a man who probably would not be by your side forever?
Once you loose your virginity you can never have it back and when you realize you gave your body away to the wrong person...your regret will be too late.So think about it more carefully! Besides that, you should be careful of all the SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES THAT ARE OUT THERE! YOU DONT KNOW IF HE CARRIES THEM. ALL THESE DISEASES ARE VERY HARMFUL TO THE BODY!!! THERE ARE HIVs, HPVs, Bacterial Vaginosis, Chlamydia (most common one), Crabs or Pubic Lice, and etc. if he really wants to have sex that badly with you ask him if he has any of these, and what if he lies you never know, ask him to do a test to see if he has any of these. PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT VERY CAREFULLY!AS A GIRL YOUR AGE I REALLY DONT WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE HURT!MAKE A WISE CHOICE. also please up these diseases to get a better idea.
Also don't feel like you are disappointing him because you are not. It is your body, and you have the right to do whatever you want with it. (not saying you should have sex).
But these are only my words you have to decide yourself because, your life is your own storybook that you write yourself. Even with a few tears and blank pages the story can still continue but once the ink is printed to the pages the words cannot be undone. so make a wise choice in how you want to create your own happy ending.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Katy. +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I'm only a year older and I kind of understand were you're coming from, probably ten times more than the other guys do just because were closer in age. Right, the one thing I'l say is if he's older and you've only been going out for a month; if you get caught then it's so not worth it; whether he wants sex or not having it is not going to keep you two together for any more longer.Me and my boyfriend went out for about 7months before we did anything, and if I'm honest I really think its better, I mean we learnt so much about each other because we didn't have sex there to kill time, we had each other and we became each others best friend. He's only a few months older so if we got caught there's not a lot my folks could do with him being under the age of consent too; that's what I got told whether its true or not.But once you do have sex; everything changes, it is pretty amazing because it brings you even closer, yet once you do it you always want it because of the way it makes you feel; and that's the baggage i could do without. If this guy loves you then he'l want to wait too; he'l want to be a boyfriend to you and he'll want to wait until you are completely ready.I don't regret having sex, but I can list almost everyone in my year and above who have, its a chance and ehen you're older you want to look back and remember your first experience as something you wouldn't want to change; because we here of a milion stories where people do regret. I'm not saying mine was perfect as yes it does hurt slightly, it all depends, if you do foreplay before hand you should be better but we didn't. And if its your first time then there is likely to be blood, during and after for a couple of days but nothing major.It's quite an embarrassing experience your first time, which is why it's better to be completely comfortable with the guy your with and know that you can trust him. Girls are more sensitive to guys, so if you "think" your ready, chances are you're not and you're just doing it to please him.It can be quite patronising this site as I've probably stated a million times over; but it's not going to change no matter how hard we try as people have their set opinions.anyways, i'l shut up now but if you ever want to chat I bet it could be really useful for you (: Katy x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, everyone.We are both fully aware of the legal consequences, and we can both wait until we go all the way. As I said, he's told me he's happy to hold off until it's legal. All I want is for us to be happy.The world is full of strange (and, in some cases, sick) people, I'm just one of them.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 How old is this guy?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 April 2009):
Well if he's older then that is the decision made for you.
If he goes any further than kissing then technically he is committing a sexual offence. I know it's stupid if you consent to it and feel you are ready and everything but the rest of the world doesn't see it like that. Especially if he gets his name in the paper if you get caught.
Tell him that you HAVE to wait till you are 16 if he's older. If something happened and you did get pregnant then he would probably get arrested and put on the sex offenders register. You really don't want that as you obviously care about him, and I'm sure he's probably not praying on you to molest you. But it's not worth the risk.
It's your body and messing about and doing sexual stuff with another 14 year old boy is a bit silly in my opinion but it's what happens. Doing sexual stuff with a much older guy can end up with him in court so if you care about him, stand your ground, tell him to wait till you are 16 and that you can have lots of fun doing all the other stuff in the mean time.
Besides, most of the time you should be out having fun and being boyfriend and girlfriend. This should really not be a massive part of your relationship in the first month. (And I don't say that because of your age! At 25, I would want to be out having fun and getting to know my new boyfriend in the first month too!)
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
 OK then the word paedophile springs to mind!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Wait honey. If he loves you then wait. Don't EVER feel like you're disappointing anyone! Who cares if he's horny, he'll have to wait because I don't think your mentally ready-I'm not an adult patronizing you, I am 17 and think you should hold off, once it's gone, it's gone forever-don't be foolish and regret it because you will after only a month of being together.Also, your school is pretty amazing I must say! Not talking about it-everyone at my school doesn't stop and all I think is how stupid some of my friends are who have had pregnancy scares and fell pregnant too young and regret it, wishing they'd waited. If you want to talk more, post again and I'll help you.Much love x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Emilysanswers:Thank you for your concern.The only problem is that he isn't a 'boy'. He's quite a bit older, actually.And to anyone who may think I'm 'easy':He's the first and only person I've ever kissed, let alone done anything else with. In fact, people at school think I'm a freak because I've never kissed any of my previous boyfriends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Hi.It's really good that you and your boyfriend can talk about things so openly. He also sounds like he respects you, which is great.He has tried to reassure you that he is happy to wait until you are ready, yet you are worried that you are disappointing him. I'm sure he means what he said, and he probably wouldn't want you to get yourself all worried about it, although it must be hard not to.You are still young, and really you're not supposed to have sex until you turn 16. However, if you decide to go ahead anyway, then it is great that you are both able to discuss contraception methods. I suppose I am concerned that you are putting pressure on yourself to make your boyfriend happy, and you think that you should have sex with him to do that. Really, there is no rush. Are you worried that he will leave if you don't sleep with him? I am just wondering what your fears are. The fact that you are so worried and anxious about this makes me think that perhaps you are not ready for sex yet. And that is fine, like I said there is no rush, especially at 14. As for sex hurting, it is hard to say, as everyone will experience it differently. I think that if you are relaxed and comfortable, then it will be fine, but if you are tense and worried about it, it may be uncomfortable. This is another reason why it might be a good idea to wait a while, until you feel more comfortable with the situation.I hope it doesn't sound like I am lecturing you, but I feel I need to mention again that, ideally, you should wait until you are older until you have sex. But like I said earlier, if you do decide to go ahead, then make sure that you and your boyfriend are prepared with protection. I hope that you and your boyfriend remain as open with each other as you already are, and whatever you decide to do, I hope things work out okay.Take care.-Sam. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: Please, please, please don't patronise me about my age. I know how bad it is and all that. My guy has even said that he can wait until I'm legal. OK, I'm only 14 and I shouldn't be thinking about it and whatnot, I get the picture.And, just so you know, this relationship is outside of school, so there's no 'everyone else is doing it' pressure. In fact, no one talks about it that much at my school.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
You're 13-15 and already had oral sex with him! After only a month of dating! You need to slow down sweetheart, otherwise you will make a right name for yourself.
If you really are set on loosing your virginity, because you are disappointing a guy, that in 5 years time you will look back on and think "oh god why?" please read this article I think it will answer a lot more questions and be less harsh than I would be: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 April 2009):
You've only been with him a MONTH!!!
Many adult women would wait longer than that to have sex with a guy - LET ALONE lose your virginity to him!
I know you have known him for years, but that doesn't matter.
You need to work up to sex a lot more slowly than just 4 weeks of dating.
If you don't want sex to hurt then you need to do a LOT more of the fingering and kissing and everything else. You need to learn how to relax, how to get turned on mentally AND physically. You need him to know what you like.
Using his hand will stretch you out gently and get you ready for your first time.
I know he wants to have sex sooner rather than later - he's a boy and he's desperate to tell his mate's he's "done it!"
But please please please trust me when I tell you as an older girl who has been there and made mistakes that if you give it away too soon to please him then he will not love you more, he will lose respect for you.
You HAVE to make him wait, and get ready and get you experienced at all the other stuff before you lose your virginity or it will hurt like hell.
Plus - you are not yet 16 and even if you use condoms, mistakes happen and I really don't think you are ready for the pain of childbirth if the thought of sex is scaring you. It is NEVER worth the risk. Just imagine having to tell your parents that you might need to get the morning after pill.... not cool.
Tell him that you love him but you are not going to be ready for sex for a long while yet. If he is not happy to wait then he was never going to be worthy of losing your virginity to.
This is a big thing so please be careful and take your time. Also, have a read of an article by a great agony aunt on this site entitled "thinking about losing your virginity?"
Good Luck!! xx
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