A
male
age
51-59,
*parkeyj1964
writes:I had recently caught my wife of 18yrs deleting phone calls from her cell phone to a coworker so I intercepted the phone bill and discovered she had sent 1000 texts to this guy over one months time, some of these were in the middle of the night after i had gone asleep.When i confronted her she claims it was totally work related and nothing more. I am having a hard time believing this and feel betrayed and am trying to decide what too do. This is the second time in two years she has developed a questionable texting relationship with another man. Should I feel like she had an affair or am i overeacting?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): May not be cheating but certainly a possibility.
Why not text the person yourself?
A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I don't agree AT ALL with anonymous reader #2. Your wife is definitely keeping something from you. There's no reason to delete something from her phone if there's no reason for her to be afraid of you finding it. Plain and simple. Not to mention, texts to a colleague after you've gone to sleep? Uncalled for. That's cheating if I've ever seen it. Maybe not "physically", but this could definitely lead to an emotional affair, if not more.
Don't just sit back and let her do it, but don't become clingy and emotional about it. Just tell her that you've noticed her actions and that you don't approve of them. If things keep continuing the way they are now, you may need to begin setting boundaries. If she won't accept them, then leave her. Behavior like this warrants her not deleting a SINGLE text and letting you see them to prove that it's not more than work. If she won't agree to it, then she's definitely hiding something. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 1000 texts? Wow... I would get bored with anyone who sent me 20 texts in one evening.
She may not have SLEPT with this man, but this was NOT work related. There was something going on...
Why delete calls anyway? If it is innocent, who has time for that mundane task, unless you are trying to hide soemthing?
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): I don't know about you, but I have a lot of friends that I text regularly, most of them women. I have also been married for almost twenty years and most of my female friends are also married. We text a lot and, in some cases, are attracted to each other, but we've never had affairs. Sometimes it's just nice to have friendships and talks with people of the opposite sex.
The caveat, however, is that regardless of your wife's intentions, it's likely the guy she's talking to has the ultimate goal of sex with her. And, before you go after him, keep in mind that he's normal just as you would be if you were single and attracted to someone.
So, what you need to do is give your wife the room she needs and don't get too "confrontational" - you'll just drive her away. Be the man she wants and she'll choose you even if only because it's easier to choose you. If you get to acting jealous or needy you'll just lose this fight. Don't ask her questions about what she's doing or who she's texting. Tell her you're not worried about it because you trust her and then make sure she knows you love her and want her (good sex, tongue kissing, flirting, all the things women love that you've likely quit doing after 18 years).
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 September 2010):
She's cheating. But you won't get a real answer out of her, so really dig deep and get some heavy duty proof before you confront her again. But no one, and I mean no one sends 1000 texts in the middle of the night and deletes phone calls all the time. And, let's be fair, this is now the second time she's developed a texting relationship.
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