A
female
age
41-50,
*igfemale
writes:i have a fuck buddy who i have been shagging for a year, we started seeing each other few years ago then he said i dont want a relationship. we have mutual friends that do not know we are fb weve have known each other 9yrs and always ask our mutual friends how we r doing if we r not in contact.he has told me from the start it is just sex! which guts me as i have liked him for years. we go through stages of not talking then one of us texts and we start talking and meeting up and shagging as though nothing has changed.neither of us can ever stop contacting each other and move our sperate ways we have tried and lasted 3 weeks,he has said if things were different he still wouldnt want a relationship with me that i am and will always be a fuck buddy how do i get him to change his mind????
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female
reader, chemar22  +, writes (22 May 2012):
Unfortunately it's probably too late to change him. He knows you will agree to be FWB so why would he want anything more from you. He's already made that clear. If you have any self respect you'll dump this dog on the side of the road and look for somebody who actually wants you!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): Never gonna happen. He's using you.
The reason why he thinks its okay to use your body is because YOU are using your body too. You are using your body to hook him into a relationship.
When you get tired of using yourself and being used, you will quit this. Nothing else will change until then.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Hi
He will never change his mind about you, you are the girl who always says Yes. Sadly because you are emotionally attached to him you hope he will change overnight, he won't. One day he will date another girl,have a relationship with her. Thats gonna hurt you.
So, gather up all your strenghth, and ignore him when he texts you, rings you or whatever. Protect your heart and get out there and find a guy that wants more than sex. Dont waste your life on this one, he has been honest.
Salvage your self respect and move onward and upward, away from him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 May 2012):
 You aren't the first to sucker for this FWB crap and you won't be the last. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it. Get on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): "how do i get him to change his mind????"
Let's pretend I'm him for a moment right? I'm him and you have chance to convince me right now.
What's in it for me to have a relationship with you?
What will I get that I don't already have from you?
Love? I don't love you and I've told I never will, lots of times. Under no circumstances will I ever want a relationship with you I told you that.
Okay so love is out of the question because I don't and never will love you.
What else is in it for me?
Exclusivity? Why would I want that? I can bone other girls and find a real girlfriend and shag you whenever I want. No deal.
Give me one good reason why a relationship would be better because frankly I can't see any because there is none.
I get to bone you whenever I want, I don't have to listen to you complain, I don't have to do any work at keeping you, I don't have to consider your feelings, I don't have to spend time with you other than when I'm horny and best of all love, you're not going anywhere because you can't get enough of me. Why would I change any of that, it's perfect for me.
So good luck convincing me there's no way I would give all that up, no way. I'm getting the milk for free so why would I buy the cow?
Want to know the truth? I couldn't give a crap what you want, if it hurts you not being able to have me then it's up to you to get over me, I made it clear I only want sex, you're giving me that and I'm not responsible for your feelings so I have no reason to feel guilty either.
I own you, I control you and you may aswell stop complaining because you're not going to do anything to change the situation because you're not strong enough. You're my meat puppet.
Seriously, one single, simple reason why a relationship would better, just one.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 May 2012):
'neither of us can ever stop contacting each other'
YES you can and Yes you must because this isn't going anywhere and he is just using you for sex (like an unpaid sex worker!!)
It's easy to stop contacting someone, you lose their number and change yours.
When he eventually finds a girlfriend (and he will) it's going to be horrible for you. The best way to avoid the pain is to remove yourself from the situation.
Be strong, save yourself and get off of this soul destroying track...
It's not working.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Well, at least he has been sincere. So many FWBs would give you the runaround and keep you hanging, using the most imaginative excuses about why you have to be just FWBs, but if only they could divorce / relocate / find a new job / pigs would fly, THEN you'd be properly dating.
This guy has been blunt and clear : No, even if " things " were different he'd only would want you for sex, it was always like that and it will always stay like that. You are shaggable but not datable.
Believe him. He means it. You go back NINE years , you have been friends, you have gone out together, you have been fuck buddies, all the spectrum, and all the time to change his mind. He got to see you know you and evaluate you, and STILL you are not Miss Right for him.
Hard to swallow, and to not take too personally, yet swallow it you must. Don't waste time in illusions and fantasies, nothing is going to change this arrangement, unless YOU change it, i.e. unless you realize that you are settling for way too little and building your unhappiness with your own hands.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 May 2012):
 You can't get him to change his mind.
You are his FWB nothing more nothing less...
usually one person falls for the other if they didn't already have those feelings... and sadly it's usually the woman... because most of the time women need emotions to have sex...
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (22 May 2012):
 You won't. He has made up his mind about you. He sees you as fee sex, not as 'girlfriend' material.
He has told you in plain english how he feels. "he has said if things were different he still wouldnt want a relationship with me that i am and will always be a fuck buddy " ..... you either have to accept that as the truth to how he feels, and continue the FWB or move on.
This is the problem with FWB relationships, someone ALWAYS gets hurt by developing deeper feelings for the other.
You only have to read through some of the other questions here of DearCupid to see that these types of arrangements never turn into a solid loving relationship.
I think it is time for you to move on. You need to stop contacting him, and find new men to socialise with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): "he has said if things were different he still wouldnt want a relationship with me that i am and will always be a fuck buddy""how do i get him to change his mind????"You don't. He's getting what he wants for the price he's willing to pay, you have nothing more to offer him, you can't mark yourself up after the sale. If anything, by continuing to sleep with him, you're just marking yourself down. If you wanted a relationship, then you should have held out for a better offer at the start. He got a Hyundai for the price of a Hyundai, if he wants to trade up he'll buy a Rolls Royce for the price of a Rolls Royce, no sense to pay for a Rolls while still driving a Hyundai. Nothing's ever going to change with him. If you want a relationship, then find a guy willing to offer one; if he only wants sex and no relationship, then say "no." That's your currency, force him to up the offer.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (22 May 2012):
You don’t, I’m afraid. This man has been completely honest with you about the fact that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. You can’t make some-one feel differently, and his mind sounds like it’s made up. You made the classic mistake of getting in to a no-strings casual relationship with some-one for whom you had feelings, maybe hoping one day things might change. “Fuck buddy” (notwithstanding the fact that this is a highly distasteful expression) does what it says on the tin, it doesn’t eventually lead to anything more. The reality is, you’re going to have to tell this guy that because you both want different things, it’s time to call it a day. Wish him well, delete his number and cut contact. That might sound very final, but you need to let go and move on, and you won’t do that if you keep meeting, texting and having sex. You won’t get more from him than sex, so end it.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): He won't. If it hasn't turned into a relationship by now, there is no chance. The arrangement is that you will use each other for sex. If you don't like it, don't keep doing it.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Um. thats not very nice him saying he STILl wouldn;t want a relstionship with you. Have you considered looking for someone else to keep you occupied in the weeks apart you have? Hopefully, the new person might even be able to take you away from him completey. I think you need to think of yourself. Maybe have a chat with him and tell him how you feel, but don;t raise your expectations too high. Also, if he does dissapoint, don;t be too avialable when he calls again. It seems now that this is NOWHERE NEAR enough for you. You deserve a proper relationship. Remember that. Get out there and meet some new guys, and see if you can wean yourself off him. What you don't want is to be in this postion in another 9 years time,Good luck. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): If you find out, let the rest of us ladies know! You're in an uphill battle friend. Guard your heart.
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