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... Send *ekten a private message | | | *ekten's profile:I'm in my early 30's and going through a bit of a rough patch in my relationship, which is why and how I found this site.
I like to see other people's questions and situations. Sometimes I can answer them, especially when it comes to deciphering the male mind. As a male, it's crystal clear to me; my problem is with the female mind (at least the female that's my girlfriend).
If there's anything else you'd like to know, just ask :-) I don't know why exactly someone would like to know more, but hey, it's possible. If that's the case, then please also include your reason, because it will surely arouse my interest! |
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My mum found out I have been smoking and now she is mad at me, what can I do?
Q. my mum just found out i was smoking, she found them in my bag she no longer trusts me, coz she asked me ages ago if i smoked and i said no i only said no because i didnt want to hurt her she is acting like its the end of the world i have 3 brot...
A. 16 April 2010: Simple: stop smoking. It's the mature thing to do.
It's likely that you'll need some help since it's highly addictive. See if there's a counselor or something at your school. That person should be able to help. You're not the only one dealing ... (read in full...)
How do I explain to her my situation without losing her?
Q. I've been seeing a lovely woman for over two months now and we get along perfectly well and we have a close and intimate relationship. She recently moved to my city (and the country) while I have been here for over a decade. There is a big a...
A. 15 April 2010: Just be completely honest with her like you've been with us.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry about her night out in Mexico?
Q. My wife is a bilingual ed teacher here in our home state. She took a recent job-related trip to Mexico to finish a certification she needs as a teacher in multiple languages. While there, she and her coworkers also had time to go out drinking and ...
A. 15 April 2010: I think your feelings are 100% understandable. For one, she went to a country that appears in the news as violent and dangerous. Secondly, men were apparently hitting on her and you weren't even there to stop it. Thing is: for her, the trip wa... (read in full...)
My Dad treats me like a child
Q. my dad is too controlling. i'm 19 years old and i'm at uni and i've moved 30 miles away from home. i live in a flat with 4 other girls and i look after myself and take responsibility for all that i do. my problem is that whenever i ...
A. 14 April 2010: Best of luck! One of the reasons I answered this question is because I see some similarities with what I myself have gone through, except that it was with my mom. We did have a period where we almost had no contact, but after a while, things tu... (read in full...)
The sex is very bad. I have to keep reassuring him about his penis, he has some annoying habits in bed and he keeps forgetting where my clitoris is! I'm tired of faking it!
Q. When I have sex with my boyfriend he does some really annoying things. He likes to listen to the radio and sing in my ear while he's on top of me. I hate that. I told him that I didn't like that and he got his feelings hurt. So every now and ...
A. 14 April 2010: There's really nothing you can do to give confidence to someone with self-esteem issues. The best you can do is give a wake-up call. Next time if he asks if it's big enough, tell him "no, it's pretty small". He'll never ask again :-)... (read in full...)
My Dad treats me like a child
Q. my dad is too controlling. i'm 19 years old and i'm at uni and i've moved 30 miles away from home. i live in a flat with 4 other girls and i look after myself and take responsibility for all that i do. my problem is that whenever i ...
A. 14 April 2010: You should not include your mother in this. Take control of the situation and set boundaries. If you run to your mother, you're just sending the message that you're still immature and cannot solve problems on your own. Ask yourself: did you EVE... (read in full...)
How much time should I give my girlfriend to sort herself out?
Q. My ex-girlfriend basically is feeling guilty for treating me so badly in our relationship. She says I've never done anything to hurt her intentionally but said she has hurt me constantly and doesn't know why she does it. She never cheated on me bu...
A. 14 April 2010: The logical problem I see here is that SHE decides what to feel guilty about.
So she feels guilty about things that don't bother you... and doesn't feel guilty about things that DO bother you.
She may be right about you being too good for her... (read in full...)
I'm about to run away
Q. [Moderator note: this post has been edited for clarity] my mom promised me a phone for christmas. She said the place was too busy and she said we'd get one 'tomorrow'. That happened again and I still didnt get it. Today she got a phone (for herse...
A. 14 April 2010: Where will you run away to? It's not a solution.
Just communicate with her clearly not to make promises she can't keep.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has been cheating on me
Q. Well since the beginning we were cool, at least I thought so. Then in the next month which is Christmas, I am currently in Canada for the year and i went back home to NY for the holidays and to be with her. She seemed fine and she had previous...
A. 14 April 2010: What's your reason for staying with her? That you are angry about her being with someone else? You're letting jealousy speak here, not your own interests.
You know what YOUR own interests are? That you're in a relationship with someone who love... (read in full...)
Sexual dilemma with my cousin...
Q. *OP's own title* I'm having quite a dilemma at the moment. Me and my cousin have been really close since birth; we can talk about anything and we are the closest out of all cousins. At a young age, we'd often freely talk and explore the topic of sex....
A. 14 April 2010: It's not incest. This is something you can explore, but there's a rather high chance of it not ending well. It's up to you guys.
I agree 100% with Soon567's remark: "If you want to go for it I would make sure the two of you are alcohol free."... (read in full...)
Why would my ex make up so many hurtful lies about me?
Q. Why would my ex say all this horrible stuff about me? Hey I just found out that after my ex boyfriend broke up with me he was saying these horrible lies about me. We had a good relationship but he ended it when he got back into drugs. He was saying ...
A. 14 April 2010: The answer is simple: he's a nutcase.
Get on with your life and get the partner you deserve.
Be pickier this time.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend on a dating site?
Q. I recently found an Adultfriendfinder.com email in my boyfriends yahoo account. I have not asked him about it yet but the user name is his initials and some numbers. It looks like he's had it for a while. The only thing he put on the site was the ...
A. 14 April 2010: I agree with 'Blossom: these sites are notorious for sending emails LONG after you signed up.
You might like to know that the chance of him ever actually having hooked up through this site are rather slim -- most female profiles are fake.
... (read in full...)
My Dad treats me like a child
Q. my dad is too controlling. i'm 19 years old and i'm at uni and i've moved 30 miles away from home. i live in a flat with 4 other girls and i look after myself and take responsibility for all that i do. my problem is that whenever i ...
A. 14 April 2010: It sounds like he's afraid of losing you.
What you need to do is set boundaries that YOU are comfortable with and stick to them. He will adjust over time. These things are normal in parent-child relationships.
I suggest saying "ok, I will call... (read in full...)
I love her but she slept with so many men
Q. I was dating someone a couple years ago that I cared very deeply for. We were having a great time together. During the time we were together she was sexually assaulted by someone she knew. She didn't go to the police or tell anyone for months. ...
A. 14 April 2010: This girl is not sane and is in urgent need of *extensive* help.
This caught my attention:
"I have only been with her sexually although I have dated before I met her."
Aha, so you may feel that you can't have the same feeling with anothe... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to google a guy your dating to find out info on him?
Q. Hi everyone. So I posted yesterday about me finding out that the guy I'd been seeing had lied to me about his age. I googled him because I do that with guys I date just as a precaution because I like to know who I'm dating, about a year ago I w...
A. 10 April 2010: I give you two thumbs up!
All you did was access PUBLIC information. It's not like you went through his email or anything.
Just let him go. He sounds like a nutcase.... (read in full...)
How can I apologise to her to make up for snapping at her?
Q. I feel terrible! I was very tired and cranky after work. I rushed home to walk my dog and make it to dinner with my friend *I am also her boss. She is much younger so I am like a mentor to her career and life. I have been her boss and friend for 2...
A. 10 April 2010: This is just a suggestion, but you could try:
1. Give her nice flowers.
2. Tell her in person that you realize you were a jerk and you're deeply sorry. Emphasize it had nothing to do with her.
3. Maybe take her out to lunch and have a nice... (read in full...)
If I watch lesbian porn does that mean I am a lesbian?
Q. dear cupid, I regularly watch lesbian porn. i am a girl aswell. I dont know if i'm a lesbian or not because i'm still attracted to boys. But not attracted to girls. i don't know what to do! help!...
A. 10 April 2010: Why does it attract you? Is it the "taboo" aspect? Or what? It's an interesting thing to figure out for yourself.
Don't get worked up about it and just relax and enjoy. If you're in a relationship with a guy, he'll probably find it very exciting... (read in full...)
How do I imply that I'm gay and I like him?
Q. So I like This Guy,and i'm almost positive he's Bi or maybe even gay(He doesn't know i'm gay).We talk a lot online and at school in class,when we pass each other in the hall he gives me a smile or a friendly shove, and in class he's always looking ...
A. 10 April 2010: If he's looking at you, then he already knows you like him. Maybe he's wondering if you like him.
Someone has to make the first move...... (read in full...)
Did I cheat? Am I obligated to tell my wife what happened?
Q. One night in the first year my wife and I were together we got into a huge fight and we broke up. we wernt married yet. She left my house and went home and at the time I was completely devastated. I went out to an all night grocery store where ...
A. 1 April 2010: I'm going to give you a *completely* different angle here. You didn't cheat on your wife, you cheated on your ex. When you hopped into bed with your ex, you were under the impression you weren't going to get back with the other girl, right?... (read in full...)
I feel sexy in women's underwear, would I be considered a transvestite?
Q. so here go...i am a straight man that loves women....i have no sexual or emotional attraction to men. however I like to ware womens panties and thongs...they make me feel sexy. not into anything else like dresses, though I've tried it. I am ...
A. 31 March 2010: It's transvestite fetishism.
It's understable that you're freaked out, but it's surprisingly common -- especially among heterosexual men. We just don't talk about it very openly :-)
Look up the term, you will learn a lot about it (and yourself... (read in full...)
Is he just using me?
Q. Hi i have been going out with this guy for around six months. i really like him. we got on really well and never did a day do by without him texting me or us chatting. He had been away for six seven week visiting his family he came back last w...
A. 31 March 2010: Stop with the sex, simple as that.
You deserve a real partner.... (read in full...)
She introduces me to other women as her boyfriend, but to other men as just a friend
Q. What does it mean when my girlfriend continues to see other men she claims are "friends" for drinks. She introduces me as her boyfriend to other girlfriends but only as a friend when introducing me to other men as to not offend them it seems ...
A. 30 March 2010: Why would she not offend THEM? She offended YOU, doesn't that matter? Next time, when she does it, kiss her on the mouth, just like a BOYFRIEND would do. It's your right :-)... (read in full...)
Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't just dump him?
Q. I love this guy with all my heart; he's my first love, and every time I think about us breaking up I just start to cry. We began our relationship online in 2008, but since he and I were both under 18 and living on opposite sides of the country, we ...
A. 30 March 2010: You said he's your first love. That makes it so much harder to let go, because you've never experiences love with anyone else. Trust me, there ARE other people out there who will love you and cherish you and ONLY you. You can get much better a... (read in full...)
I wearing my fiance's clothes and she doesn't know!!!
Q. I wearing my fiance's clothes and she doesn't know!! Ever since I can remember I've found myself really aroused by the thought of being sexually dominated by another man. Then a couple years ago I finally started watching gay porn - I immedia...
A. 30 March 2010: I will make two points here. First about wearing ladies' clothes: that's called transvestite fetishism. By itself, it does not make you gay. Confession time: I myself find it quite arousing at times and I am definitely 100% heterosexual. Se... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is giving very mixed signals... what does she want??
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 years; everything went pretty well, except for the past couple months when we both had a lot of stress from our jobs. Things are better now though (better work hours). The problem now is that she ...
A. 18 March 2010: Here's a followup if you're interested: during the past few days, we've made a lot of progress: we've been doing nice activities together and we've also been talking a lot more than we have during the past few months.
Now she's taking more ini... (read in full...)
He wants me to be honest with him, but when I am he goes mental!
Q. My boyfriend always tells me to talk to him and be honest, but whenever I am honest with him about something he's done to upset me, he goes mental. He doesn't hit me or anything, but he just argues constantly with me when all i want to do is get i...
A. 18 March 2010: Do you feel that he has treated you with the respect you deserve? My guess is: no.
Then the question: do you look forward to continue to be treated this way?
My advice here would be to not talk to him and go on with your life and activities. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be kicked out of church, but I don't want to have to tell the leader about my sexual activity either!
Q. Okay - first off - not a virgin and was not an active church go-er. However since being sexual active and regreting it ... i feel i need church in my life and if that be the case, i have to confess to my church leader (namely cos evidence of that ...
A. 16 March 2010: Miamine raises an excellent point.
This is exactly my criticism of organized religion: it moves the emphasis away from God and toward rituals and the organizational structure of churches and institutions.
Simply put: you do not owe ANY church A... (read in full...)
My paranoia is getting to be too much
Q. Hi there, So here's my situation, I'm somewhat of a worrier, I don't exactly know why or where this has come from. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year now and things are wonderful, he treats me amazing, he tells me daily how much...
A. 16 March 2010: You seem to suffer from low self-esteem. That's very common, but also something that *you* need to work on yourself. No one else can give you self-esteem.
You said it yourself: you cannot understand why he'd still be happy with you. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
Is mutual masturbation considered sex?
Q. Just curious about two things. Is mutual masturbation considered sex at all? That is the most I have done and I'm not sure if I count it or not. Also, is there an age at which it's considered weird to still be a virgin? I just turned 21 and I feel ...
A. 15 March 2010: Well, I've heard of some people who wish to remain virgins until marriage (often for religious reasons), yet have done pretty about every sexual act out there *except* penetration. So technically, they remain virgins.
The only thing you have to ... (read in full...)
Do you think I am a loser because I visit prostitutes seen as I cant find love?
Q. Its been a while since i wrote on this thread but thought it was time to do so ... Ive never had a girlfriend and always feel lonely even though im in university but i live at home and dont socialise much as i havent met people i like at my ...
A. 15 March 2010: The issue to address here is that you're asking other people whether *they* think you're a loser for reason X. Some people will think you are, some won't. That goes for every reason imaginable.
This reveals insecurity on your end as well as a lac... (read in full...)
Wonderful man but not enough sex and bad at housework
Q. Hi I have been seeing my boyfriend for four months and he moved in to my apartment after two and a half months. I know this seems soon and it is! However, I know others who have managed this successfully and we thought carefully about doing this. It...
A. 15 March 2010: The issue of housework is solved quite easily: get a cleaning lady. My SO and I are both slobs when it comes to housework. Now a cleaning lady comes once a week and the problem is history. About the sex drive problem. I can't give you advice there... (read in full...)
He wants me to be honest with him, but when I am he goes mental!
Q. My boyfriend always tells me to talk to him and be honest, but whenever I am honest with him about something he's done to upset me, he goes mental. He doesn't hit me or anything, but he just argues constantly with me when all i want to do is get i...
A. 15 March 2010: Well, the good news is that you guys still have enough passion in the relationship to get upset with each other. I'm currently going through a phase where my 'SO' no longer gets upset. Believe me, that's NOT what you want! What you guys need to... (read in full...)
Why did he spend so much on his cheating ex girlfriend but wont even put in a little bit of effort when it comes to me?
Q. Hello - as shallow as this sounds, give it a chance as I really need hep with my thoughts. I have been in a three year relationship with a man. Before he was with me, he was with a girl for two years. During those two years, he spent so much mo...
A. 15 March 2010: My guess is that he's been traumatized by spending too much money on a girl and told himself "never again!" When you ask him for money, his subconscious probably triggers negative memories. The more important question here is: does he give you... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is giving very mixed signals... what does she want??
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 years; everything went pretty well, except for the past couple months when we both had a lot of stress from our jobs. Things are better now though (better work hours). The problem now is that she ...
A. 15 March 2010: Thanks for your responses, guys! I really appreciate your insights! Thank you very much for that. I'll add some responses:
@ anysecondnow: I think you have an excellent point with the respect part; in fact, she pretty much hinted at that some wee... (read in full...)
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