A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: When I have sex with my boyfriend he does some really annoying things. He likes to listen to the radio and sing in my ear while he's on top of me. I hate that. I told him that I didn't like that and he got his feelings hurt. So every now and then he still does this. He's a baby. The sex is usually pretty good but he can't handle criticism. I have shown him where my clitoris is but he "wanders" during oral sex. He starts off in the right place and then he is off somewhere else. He knows I was with someone else before him. He doesn't know that I had better sex with him. I feel bad about this. My exboyfriend was the biggest mistake of my life. I really love him because he is a great guy but he has never given me an orgasm. He constantly is asking me if his penis is big enough and I get so tired of him asking me. He is a good guy. He treats me well. He is very sweet but the truth is that I lied at the beginning of my post. I am going to leave it just to show what I mean. I said the sex was good. That's not true the sex is very bad. I am lying to myself and to him to make him him feel better. If I don't pretend that I am having an orgasm he gets really upset and I can't stand to see him like that so I fake it. How can I tell him to quit being such a baby without hurting his feelings? I am really frustrated.
View related questions:
clitoris, my ex, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): You love him and that is the main thing, without him you may feel very sad for a while.
Great sex is not so great if you don't love him but even rubbish sex is wonderful with someone you love and there is a chance it will improve. Getting to deep into the technical side can be a turn off in itself. Just enjoy what you have.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2010):
 Stop faking! That is the #1 rule of good sex. IF you fake the guy will ASSume you are enjoying it and the HE is doing all the right things.
#2 rule is to STOP criticizing what he does wrong - SHOW him what you like or want him to do. Get on the computer and google sexual positions/ sensual massage or whatever might tickle your fancy and SHOW him the website and what you might like to try.
#3 Sex is supposed to be fun. For both parties involved. So find out what HE does RIGHT and point that out.
If you don't like music, unplug the radio or put on music of your choice.
If you keep focusing on the bad stuff he does, soon neither if you will enjoy sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, Polaroid93  +, writes (14 April 2010):
He sounds immature and annoying, he also has you wrapped round his little finger because when he doesn't get what he wants he throws a strop tell him to grow up
...............................
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Firstly, stop faking.There is no being upset allowed when you are trying to understand about each other's preferences, you have received great advice so far, try and apply these and see how the situation improves, of course, don't wait for quick improvements because it might take some time, so until then enjoy the love, touches, etc. You don't have to tell him he is doing something wrong, just be more vocal about what you like and hope he will pick up and learn as you experiment... So let's hope all this experimenting and guidance and talking, expressing likes (both of you) in the end will bring good results. See some games you can play, e.g. taking turns in expressing a like, where you like to be touched, masturbate in front of each other etc.If it doesn't work after all these, make sure you don't tell him what was the matter or this could reflect in his next relationship (inhibitions, ED and others). But don't lose hope, as others have pointed, you haven't helped him at all, but misguided him by faking so far.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): First rule do no fake it EVER, how can you expect the guy to learn what you like if you are giving him the wrong messages. Try playing and letting him watch he will love it. Let him see what does it for you, and then get him to take over, making sure you give him the right signal's when he is getting it right. he if moves off get him back him back to where you want him, you have to communicate in bed as well as everywhere else
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Stop faking it immedeately. You can even tell him that you have been faking it just so he realizes that he's not as amazing as he thinks he is. Let him cry his eyes out. I undersand some of where you are coming from, I often feel that I am the man in my own relationship too. I know this sounds mean, but there's a point where I feel like Im walking on eggshells because he can't take the simple facts in life without crying over it. I told my boyfriend that I dont like him crying so much and in front of me. Maybe harsh again, but it helped, he stopped. So maybe that will work for you too?What I suggest is that you give your boyfriend a "take it or leave it"- conversation. Either he takes the facts for what they are (that although he is bad in bed you do love him and he definitely can improve as long as he just PAYS ATTENTION IN BED) and never asks about his penis again, or you can stop having sex altogether and you buy yourself a vibrator.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): My best advice is to talk to him outside of the bedroom. In the 'heat' of the moment is the wrong time to say anything.If he asks about his penis, tell him the average penis is 4-6 inches. Yeah I know... porn star liars!! Anyway, lol. :) Tell him that if he's in that range he's good to go. If he's bigger then be happy about it. If he's smaller, say it's not a big deal. (don't use those words)If he asks whether or not it's big enough for you, say the average vagina is only 4" anyway, so he's good either way.Insecure men get weirded out by the strangest things. Mine got weirded out because I said I thought he was going to pass out because he's breathing so hard. So now he's regulating his breathing during sex. Um... what? OK... Be happy he's willing to go down on you at all. I have one who doesn't do that. God knows why.My guess is you have a newbie in your hands, as I do. Mine's just a blank slate. He spent his life drooling over cartoons and video games. His first sexual experience was horrible so he was actually turned off by sex. Didn't know what the big deal was. So as a consequence he knows NOTHING. Can't even tell me what he likes or doesn't like so we have to explore, bit by bit to see if he likes X Y or Z. So far he doesnt like bj's, my hand jobs are too slow, and we can only do two positions for sex that works.MOST guys, don't give a sh what you do to their 'tool' they can get off either way but not mine. Believe me, I was great at doing both things until this guy came around.But faking it was never an option. I tell him that yeah no, that's not working, try this other thing. I do say more stuff outside the bedroom. I even sent him a video. Unfortunately, that didn't work out too well because that girl was insanely orgasmic. I'm not. lol. :)Anyway if your only complaint is the bedroom, I'd work it out. You can always TEACH sex. You can't teach personality. :) Remember that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dekten  +, writes (14 April 2010):
There's really nothing you can do to give confidence to someone with self-esteem issues. The best you can do is give a wake-up call.Next time if he asks if it's big enough, tell him "no, it's pretty small".He'll never ask again :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 If you dont want to come out with something that he will take as criticism, then start kissing him when he sings so he cant keep doing it, ... if he wanders during oral just wiggle yourself in to the right spot again, tell him to keep doing exactly that when he has got it right, tell him point blank where you like it ...or get on top and move where you want to, ....praise his goods before he even asks, ..and probably go on top during intercourse so you can control the action. I know this does not solve all the problems, but it may at least alleviate your frustration from time to time.
Dont fake the orgasms tho, ... that is making him think he is doing a good job instead of trying harder to please you. If he sulks that you don't get off, point out that if it was up to you, you would orgasm, and then use the moment to tell him what would work better for you. He may not like this, but he may also decide to put more effort in. There is no point lying about it tho or this situation is never going to change.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): I don't have a very experienced sex life so I may not be able to give you the best advice, however here is my go at it...Make a game out of it? For every time he asks you if his dick is big enough, you'll... whatever you choose- it could be sexual to make him feel confident or maybe sarcastic and self critizing like "are my boobs too small?" and annoy him with that.Try games in bed to enhance the sensation. Unexpectedness is my favorite. Say you want to have sex, eyes covered, ears plugged, no talking, just touching. Get to know each others body in a new way.Compromise. He wants that background noise of the radio- choose the music. Music can really set the mood, i def agree with that.Explore new sensations, tips, positions, etc. That way you guys can DISCUSS what either of you like best. Maybe he will get the hint.Tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings, but your criticism is to only help him so that he gets better and you both are being please. Also mention that you would hope he would do just the same for you so that you know you are doing what you can to please him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Dear lady,
you are lucky to have him who is otherwise good. In all the posts here, there are many other much bigger and complex issues are there with Guys.
So enjoy the togetherness and you can laugh at his silly ness.
this is ok, if he not as mature in bed. At least it shows he is not having so many girls in his life and bed.
Suspense and excitement of learning is not that bad either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 No matter how you word it , it will always come out as a criticism of his performance .Men are very sensitive when it comes to his sexual performance or his tool.
What you can do is to lead him or guide him or teach him what you want him to do for you.
...............................
|
