A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Part 1 - I have been married for almost ten years. Last year we almost got divorced 3 times. He has cheated several times and that's not even the worst of it. In my mind, I have every right to leave. He has tried really hard to make things up to me and he is an amazing father if nothing else to our 2 small children. I do not feel the same kind of love for him that I once did and we practically have a sexless marriage even though we seem to be getting along really well now to spite all of our past troubles. I feel like I love him but am not in love with him any more. I am not angry at him any more- my feelings just aren't the same.Part 2 - Even though I loved my husband when I married him. (I was only 20 when we got married.) I have always been in love with an ex. So much so that I don't think I could ever give myself fully to my husband. My ex and I had an incredible strong connection that got tainted with jealousy and complications. We loved each other very much but fought terribly and were hurtful to each other therefore eventually forcing us apart. We were really too young to know how to handle what was going on between us.Part 3 - I have run into my ex on social networks in recent years and had sent a few emails back and forth but never anything inappropriate. Then when my husband and I were separated for a short time my ex and I talked very intensely but then he abruptly stopped talking to me and I didn't here from him for a month. He said he was just busy going back to school and starting his own business. I felt it insulting to be too busy to talk to me after at first he was extremely excited to have the romance back between us, even after so long. I thought he had totally lost interest or had gotten back with his ex so I ended up working things out with my husband only to find out my ex was still very interested. I totally regretted taking my husband back and I lost my ex whom I really wanted to try with. So here is my question? Stay in a marriage that your heart isn't fully in, end my marriage and go for the ex I know I still have intense feelings for but who might not be interested now, or cut my losses all around?
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male
reader, Candleman +, writes (16 September 2009):
 How content are you with your current husband? What all does the relationship provide that you would suffer if you severed it and didn't have anybody to go to? If there isn't much then leave and follow your heart whether it is with your ex or someone else you can fall in love with. You can also stay in the marriage and tell your ex that you would leave with him if he only would give the ok. Do the things lovers do to get him to understand. Be careful to not compromise your husbands ignorance. If he says no, then you don't lose your marriage. The problem is that in order to meet new people you have to date and this is almost impossible to do in a marriage. You can always try and you know your schedule, but you will probably get caught. So to follow your heart you almost have to leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Consider the children and how much this could hurt them. I didn't and later had deep regrets that I still cannot forgive myself for. I am not saying stay with him, just to consider the feelings of the children. There are different viewpoints on that.I am sorry to hear that the only reason you wanted to patch it up w/ your husband is because it didn't work out with your x. I remarried my x, and within months the same old problems surfaced. We divorced again.I don't know what's right for you. Only you can figure that out. I just wanted to give you some info to help figure it out. Good luck!
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