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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 weeks now. And I would say its pretty serious between the two of us, although we are a long way off from doing things like moving in together etc.The problem I have is that after 6 weeks even though he tells me he loves me, he still keeps logging onto a couple of dating sites to check for messages.We met on a dating site and as soon as we met and I knew I wanted to see him again I took off my profile because to me dating sites are a means to an end? Am I wrong in thinking that?He says he logs on as he's bored of an evening and hasn't anything else to do. I am a single parent of two, and once my kiddies are in bed I get bored and lonely but I dont feel the need to sign onto dating sites as he's the one I want no one else.He Lives away from me, so I have put it to him that if hes bored maybe he could do his housework instead because it certainly needs doing!He wants me to meet his parents and him mine. He comes across as being genuine with how he feels for me..... But what I would like help with is do you think it's possible he's genuinly bored or is it more that he's keepiong his options open? The internet has caused lots of arguments between us so he made a pact the other night to stay off of it, he lasted one night and that was only because he was with me!I feel like I am not good enough for him and am just here until somebody else comes along. I have suggested if he's that desperate to talk that we have a joint profile on there. One that we can both have access to which he has agreed to. However I am still not happy, as I just dont get why its so hard for him to come off full stop? Please can you help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): Yes that i9s the most important thing in a relationship. you and your partner come 1st no matter who gets in the way. you shud do what you think is best for you and your partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): I agree with you-one measure of your boyfriend's seriousness is whether he has removed his profile from the website where you first encountered each other, or rendered it inactive for now. Personally, I really do think it's a valid concern. Be careful with this guy, dear. He may not be as committed as one thinks, at least not yet. But, before you do anything drastic-you've communicated clearly to him how it makes you feel-now it's up to him to "deactivate" that dating profile of his. Generally, some guys hang onto their profiles longer than females, so give this a few more weeks, and see what he does. Dating sites are a wonderful tool for bringing people together if they are used properly. There are many wonderful men and women who use them to sincerely connect with each other. But then there are the people, who use these sites, with the mindset that there is always someone better, just around around the corner. They are never satisfied with who they end up connecting with. They get caught up in it, deeply,allowing themselves to become just 'serial daters'...nothing more.
But remember too, it's been just 6 weeks and you both seem to have gotten quite serious, quickly. Slow down and bring him into your universe and see how he functions, before you say you 'love' him, dear. Introduce him to your family friends and really take note and honor their opinions of him. And I hope he has or is gradually introducing you to his world. Keep on top of this for now and see what he does. If he's having a hard time letting go...you may have to re-evaluate this relationship because TRUST will become a big issue. Good luck and take care
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (9 November 2005):
you are right. dating sites are a means to an end but some men have different ideas about these things.yes it is possible that he does do it out of boredom. i know my partner has contacted people through dating sites and i think it's probably just because he can. although it does make me feel insecure and like i'm just a temporary stop even though we're living together with 2 kids. your bf needs to know how uncomfortable you are with it. tell him it must stop because if he wants to be with you, he has no reason to keep looking. if he won't stop then he's probably keeping options open and does not see the relationship as seriously as you do
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