Did I do something wrong? Once the pastor was friendly to me. Now he does not respond.
Q. Ok this is a strange one so please bare with me. I have started going to a new Church and it has been great. I got on with the pastor from day one and he came out to visit me a few times. Chatted over FB ect. Then I went on a date last night and p...
A. 1 October 2016: I am probably one of the worst people to comment on this, as I believe we should all live our lives according to our own code of ethics and I feel organised religion is just another way of controlling the masses. However, I will put in my ... (read in full...)
Cliques, gossip and cattyness. How can I stop negative people at work from bothering me?
Q. I am a young professional who is working in a corporate corporate stable company. I have been working at my company for 6 months now and I seem to get caught up in the cliques and gossips triangles that my coworkers make and it's affecting my mood...
A. 1 October 2016: I feel your pain. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. In fact, still there! I have found the best way to deal with this sort of bratish immature behaviour is to laugh it off and try to gravitate towards "nice" people. For instance, if som... (read in full...)
Do you think I my married lover is tiring of me? In the beginning we talked. Now he only sends a text
Q. I've been friends with this married man for 8 months now, who doesn't have sex with his wife I guess. He is 38 and I am 22. He was my first lover. He took me to his house 3 times and we never had actual sex because I said I want to remain a virgin. ...
A. 30 September 2016: Sweetheart, you KNOW what you need to do. It does not matter what WE (total strangers) say to you, you will not dump him until YOU are ready. You are hoping at least one person gives you a glimmer of hope that this man loves you, thinks about you, ... (read in full...)
I'm putting up a wall. Should I show some trust and let him know how I feel?
Q. I'm having a really difficult time telling my best friend how I feel. Whenever I get unusually upset about something (and I try and hold it in), but he always seems to know that something's up and asks me about it. At first, I play it cool with a s...
A. 25 September 2016: Do you actually WANT to tell him what you are upset about? If not, then he is invading space you do not want him to invade. If you do, and it is just that you are unable to tell him (reasons for this may vary - fear he won't understand, fear he will ... (read in full...)
Lots of issues... Younger girlfriend, torrid past, immature, we're not gelling sexually... What do I do?
Q. So I'm 30 dating a 24 year old and I'm finding it very difficult in a few ways. One that bothers me is how many guys and the caliber of guys she's been with before me. Since we've been dating she has told me some stories and it raised some red ...
A. 25 September 2016: You may have had sexual experience with a number of females but you have a very important lesson to learn: all women are different in their sexual responses and what they find a turn-on. Just because something worked for one woman does not automati... (read in full...)
My fiance is disrespectful to me. Do I make him jealous?
Q. My fiance has been disrespectful to me. Whenever we argue, he quickly storm up and get out from the room. But while he is nice, hes so thoughtful about me. I feel he has avoidant personality and doesnt have much empathy. He is not used to be l...
A. 25 September 2016: So what are you going to do going forwards? Make him jealous every time you don't like his attitude and think he should be "brought to heel"? I am intrigued that you see his leaving the room as a sign he is disrespecting you. What would you rather... (read in full...)
I want to ask my boyfriend's mom if I could go with them see b/f but am afraid of her reaction
Q. Ive been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He recently went off to college and we have been doing long distances since. His mom is the type of mom who is really protective. It seems as though she is jealous of me and worried that her ...
A. 25 September 2016: Why can you not go to see your boyfriend alone? I am puzzled why you need to go with his parents. ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy or is this gaslighting?
Q. Am I crazy? My husband has the habit of lying to me about little things. For example, he'll say he has nothing planned for the weekend and the weekend will roll around and he'll tell me that he has to go to work (and he does- I can verify that and ...
A. 25 September 2016: Oh, this brings back memories of when I was a teenager and had the obligatory boyfriend my parents hated. I never told them beforehand that I was seeing him. I would wait for him to roll up outside the house and sound his horn, and would then run... (read in full...)
I feel like my trust meter is broken. How can I tell if this guy is trustworthy?
Q. I am in the middle of a divorce. I had sworn to myself to stay out of the dating scene until at least the divorce was finalized. I even purposely stopped dressing nicely or wearing makeup in order to avoid attracting attention. My soon to be ex ...
A. 24 September 2016: As far as I am aware, there is no foolproof short-cut to being able to ascertain whether someone is trustworthy. You will only be able to tell by "going there" and seeing how he behaves going forward.
One word of warning: don't judge everyone... (read in full...)
Frustrated by petty character assassinations and deceptions. Am I caught between two rather exploitive "friends!" ?
Q. I think i might be caught between two rather exploitive "friends!" Being of a kind nature i tend to help rather than hurt but if my intuition is anywhere over 50% ,then i believe i have seen my situation for exactly what it is! It is draining to m...
A. 23 September 2016: Friends are the "family" we choose for ourselves. We can not only choose them, we can also choose to loose them if they are not "working" for us.
I too had a (very long standing) friend who constantly put me down, turned up unexpectedly and expe... (read in full...)
Tactless? Outspoken? He says he was just thinking out loud. How do I deal with his remarks?
Q. My new boyfriend said he was really shocked how different I look without make up when I stayed at his last week. I dont wear that much make up and have been complimented on my natural skin and facial features. I was really taken back. He does seem ...
A. 23 September 2016: How would you have felt if he had said it the other way round, i.e. "You look so different WITH make-up". Men can be very literal sometimes and I would guess that is exactly what he was being. I bet he doesn't "get it" why you are upset.
I thi... (read in full...)
Should I just block this guy?
Q. I am in my 40s and did ask a question previously on here about this man who I had seen at our local coffee shop. The background I used to see him at my local pub but not to talk to many years ago and then he ended up moving to the same village that ...
A. 21 September 2016: You sound lonely. If you were not, you would not be so grateful for the odd scrap of attention this man pays you.
He is not going to change. He will carry on teasing and then dropping you as and when he feels like it, and you will feel hurt eve... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for wanting a ring when everything is so perfect?
Q. Hi So I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 15) and I'm happier than Ive ever been in our relationship not because it was ever bad but it just keeps getting better. I can count our arguments on one hand and we get on like fri...
A. 21 September 2016: You two are so close, surely you can have a chat about this? Explain to him, exactly as you have here, why you would like a ring and what it would mean to you. Then tell him that, if he doesn't feel the same way about it (guys often don't attach the ... (read in full...)
What's her problem with me?
Q. This woman that has lived in the same village as my partner for years. My partner fixes her car. At first he wanted us to become friends together because I am new to the village and he wanted me to make friends here. However, she seems to come ...
A. 20 September 2016: To some women, nothing makes a man more attractive than another woman finding him attractive. She probably feels she has some sort of claim on him, given the length of time she has known him.
You two don't have to be friends. While your boyfrien... (read in full...)
Would the average guy spend 1.5 hours in a store or was he lying?
Q. Is it possible for a guy - your boyfriend - to be in a store for 1.5 hours??? The same store??? He was out for awhile and I asked him about it and he said he was at an auto parts store for that long. He said he was browsing. That there were lots ...
A. 20 September 2016: Have to agree with everything Tisha-1 says.
Young lady, you seriously need help. Why on earth is that poor lad staying with you? Believe me, carry on like this and he will wake up one day and decide you are not worth it, because nobody is that ... (read in full...)
Husband constantly nagging and critiquing
Q. My husband is constantly nagging and correcting. He is a generally likeable guy but when he gets close to somebody like wife or kids he critiques all the time where it sounds verbally abusive. He sees very little wrong with himself. He has a lo...
A. 20 September 2016: If this is a recent thing, your husband could be depressed or stressed or both. My OH reckons I nag him sometimes - but it is usually when I am tired, stressed or ill and fed up of picking up after him. Once I have regained my equilibrium, I "nag" ... (read in full...)
Some advice please on how to ensure that things do not go any further and do not lead to sex? Because I don't want that until I'm older
Q. I am 13 years old, female and is currently in a relationship of 4 months. My boyfriend and I haven't gone any further than straddling and French kissing until yesterday. No clothes were removed but there was grinding involved. And to be complete...
A. 18 September 2016: Don't put yourself in situations where you are alone with your boyfriend and vulnerable. Tell him how you feel and that you want to wait before having sex. If he respects you, he will also respect your wishes. You sound like a level-headed you... (read in full...)
I'm married. Should I be trying to contact my school crush from many years ago?
Q. Hi I'm about to reach my 30. I'm married and have a child. Living life happily with lovable wife. Recently, I got the contact of a girl who was my classmate in middle school. I had a crush on her but it was untold as my family moved out of tow...
A. 18 September 2016: She is not the same person you had a crush on. Even if it wasn't years later, and you weren't both married with children, the person you had a crush on was a fantasy, all in your head. She was possibly nothing like you imagined as you will have put ... (read in full...)
How does this plan look to you?
Q. So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...
A. 18 September 2016: Well done for taking the initiative and for thinking about safety. (You only know the stuff about this guy he wants you to know.)
What are you hoping for from this relationship? If he is "passive" (I read "can't be arsed") then, even if you hit ... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out? I think she's out of my league
Q. Hi. Before I go on I thought a bit of info might be useful. I'm 16, and have never unlike everyone (it seems)been in a relationship. A months ago I met this girl. I never really noticed it until recently but I think there may be something between ...
A. 18 September 2016: If you never ask, the answer will always be "no". But if you ask, you never know. Nobody is ever out of someone else's league. You are just lacking confidence (and trust me, not all of your mates who say they have had relationships ha... (read in full...)
Unexpected break-up. Can anyone give me any advice? Advice from guys would be much appreciated.
Q. Me and my boyfriend were together for nine months and I was so happy. Suddenly, he broke up with me on Monday and I don’t understand why. He said he thinks we’re not suited and have different life experiences but I don’t understand how this can...
A. 18 September 2016: Sending you a big HUG. It's early days and you WILL hurt. You will hurt a LOT but you WILL get through this (as you know). Well done for removing his contact details. Going cold turkey is the shortest and quickest way to end the pain. It's like ... (read in full...)
He says he can't date for two years
Q. Hello. i'm a freshman girl in high school and I honestly have liked this kid for the past few months now. We started talking a lot and things started as very little friends to flirting all the time. He calls me beautiful, i'm perfect, i could be a ...
A. 17 September 2016: What a sensible young man. Take a leaf out of his book. You have the rest of your life to date. Enjoy being a child. ... (read in full...)
Is it right to take a lover now?
Q. I am a twenty two year old married Indian woman. My husband has been working overseas for the last four years. He last visited me in August 2014 when we spent two weeks together I spent my twentieth birthday in December 2014 with my parents,...
A. 17 September 2016: I notice most sentences start with "Derek".
What about Athma? What does Athma want?... (read in full...)
Have I put the final nail in the coffin or is the friendship still okay?
Q. I'm friends with a female co worker. we have had out fair share of fallings out but have always made up. as it was her last day at work, I shook her hand and wished her all the best with her new adventure as she is moving to start a new job work...
A. 17 September 2016: Why are you asking her friend? If you value her friendship and want to remain friends, why are you not asking her the question?
Can you befriend her on Facebook or some other social media and stay in touch that way?
You sound very awkward soc... (read in full...)
My mum won't let us marry, should we run away?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a secret relationship for 6 years now. This is because my mum simply won't allow us to marry or be together. She strictly forbids it due to past conflict with their family against ours. (As you can imagine it's ...
A. 17 September 2016: You need to learn to stand up to your mum and be assertive. As you rightly point out, you are an adult and legally able to make your own decisions. It sounds like you are afraid to confront your mum but running away will only damage your ... (read in full...)
Meeting with the only guy in my life I never got bored of
Q. Hello agony aunts! I am 27 living in Europe. I'm asking for advice with regard to my longest crush ever. When I was 20 years old, I went into yahoo chatrooms and met D. We started chatting and just LOVED talking to him. Initially he hadnt taken m...
A. 17 September 2016: What are you waiting for? What have you got to lose?
Worst case scenario: you find, when you eventually meet, that you are not attracted to each other so you remain friends and nothing else.
Best case scenario . . . . well, the sky's the li... (read in full...)
How can I find a way to trust my boyfriend? Because I feel I can't trust him
Q. PLEASE HELP ME. I am at the END of my rope. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just CANNOT trust him no matter what. No matter what he says or does. I CANNOT trust him. I CANNOT DO IT. It is making me paranoid, jealous, ins...
A. 16 September 2016: Blimey! I think everyone is capable of breaking someone else's heart but if you carry on telling this poor guy he will break yours, it will turn into a self-fulfilling prophesy and he will eventually get fed up and think, "Hey, I am being accused of ... (read in full...)
I met my girlfriend's ex and am still kind of freaked out about it
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 and a half years. She is 3 years younger than me and is my second girlfriend but only one where it was serious (1st relationship lasted 2 months). I mentioned this to her and she didn't see it as a ...
A. 16 September 2016: Her past experiences have made her the person she is today, the person you (presumably) love. She has chosen to be with you, not one of her ex boyfriends (including this guy).
Sounds to me like you are very insecure. Perhaps you need to share th... (read in full...)
The sex used to be mindblowing and not it is not. What could be possible reasons for this ?
Q. I have been with my man for 13 years. In beginning our sex was mind blowing ! And over the years it has gone up and down ! But the last couple of years he doesnt think he should do anything . Well when it is time to have sex then he is up fo...
A. 15 September 2016: Well, a few things spring to mind. People's sexual responses change through life. Assuming he is the same age as you, he may just have "aged". People do often get lazy as relationships progress. The effort they willingly put in at the beg... (read in full...)
I get so emotional I cry about this crush almost every day! How should I tell this single man I have a crush on him?
Q. I have been thinking of leaving my job and returning to full time education to start my career, however, I have been having a big crush on my male colleague for almost three years now. I really like him and he is always on my mind. He is so handsome ...
A. 15 September 2016: I agree with you that spending a lifetime wondering "what if" is far worse than knowing, one way or the other. From your post, I could imagine you fantasizing about this guy for years to come - and even, possibly, a lifetime if you didn't find ... (read in full...)
My married BF doesn't want his wife to know about us until he has removed all his belongings from his former home. Seems he cares more about his belongings than me. What should I do?
Q. Ok so here is my dilemma I am 29 dating my friend who is married he is 30 and his twin brother who is also 30. Ok so how this happened was I just recently moved back home and I ran into an old friend of mine that I have had a crush on since I ...
A. 15 September 2016: Sorry, am I reading this correctly? (Have read it through twice and still confused.) Are you "dating" twins? At the same time? And you are all planning to move in together, into a trailer, and "see how it goes"?
IF I have read this correctl... (read in full...)
Please advise!!! What should I do about this situation with my girlfriend??
Q. Okay, so this is my first time posting any sort of question online. I've been on and off this site for years just browsing never thinking I would ever need to post anything on here, but here I am. So here's the issue, me and my girlfriend have bee...
A. 14 September 2016: Sounds to me like you have got into a bit of a rut (we all do it) and the appearance of your girlfriend's old school friend has brought home to her how exciting things used to be when you first met.
Woo her all over again, take her out on date ... (read in full...)
He's ten years younger. Should I wait for him to make the first move ? He did give me his number.
Q. I've been single for over a year so now ready to date again. I noticed a guy who works at my gym but he never smiles. I noticed little things that he made me wonder if he fancied me. I would catch him staring or often feel him staring. He woul...
A. 14 September 2016: Only one piece of advice: don't jump the gun and pin all your hopes on this man being "the one". You know next to nothing about him yet you already think he is your knight in shining armour and the solution to all your problems. I can tell you right ... (read in full...)
He's 30, and acts like a teenager. Doesn't want to do family things with me. What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone ive been with my boyfriend for 3 year now we have a daughter together. Lately i dont feel the same way about him. The problem is his mate is always at our house. I finish work on a weekend on a morning, get home, and his mate is ther...
A. 11 September 2016: Tell him "can't be bothered" is not an option. He is a father now and needs to take some responsibility for the life he created.
My guess is you are too worried about upsetting him to confront him. What is the worst that can happen? You two may ... (read in full...)
What can I do? We've been dating for several years and he hasn't proposed yet
Q. Dear Cupid I have a great boyfriend. It's not bias nor my imagination, he is attentive and thoughtful and I am quite spoiled actually..when I come home my dinner is always ready and he is always ready with cuddles after work too Problem is we ...
A. 11 September 2016: Ok, probably a silly question, but have you actually asked him what is going on? Have you explained to him how much you would like to be his wife? What happened around the time he suddenly stopped talking about rings and things?
Perhaps shopping... (read in full...)
Should I be feeling so hesitant about agreeing to marriage and to him adopting my son?
Q. My boyfriend wants me and my son to move away with him, he wants us to get married and he has always said he wants to adopt my son which is everything I want, but I can't help but feel bad that my son's real dad doesn't want anything to do with him ...
A. 11 September 2016: To me, "daddy" is the man who raises a child, not the sperm donor (which appears to be all your ex was). Your son realises this, obviously loves the man who is daddy where it counts, and feels nothing for the man who created him then disowned him ... (read in full...)
Has our phone relationship been all lies from the start? Will he call again? Three years and he's never taken me out
Q. dear cupid, i been talk with this man over 3 yrs on the phone. we never went out. we talk about going out and now he tell me he's sick over past month and half i ask him does he want me to stop call him he told me that a good ideal i the one to ...
A. 11 September 2016: Why have you been wasting 3 years on someone who only talks to you when you phone him? The charitable side of me hopes he talks to you because he feels you are lonely and wants to be a friend. The cynical side of me suspects he is a con artist of ... (read in full...)
What does it mean? I'm 18 and don't want to date anymore. Haven't felt a connection with last 4 people I dated
Q. Well the last few days I have been thinking and I realize I don't want to date anymore... It's crazy because everything in my life feels like it's slowing down. I know what a guy wants in a relationship and what I want, but never have I not wante...
A. 11 September 2016: I'll tell you what I think is happening. You are maturing a lot quicker than your years. Despite your young age, you have already realised that there needs to be a connection between two people for a relationship to work. You also sound like ... (read in full...)
How can and should I handle this situation? My Bf has announced that his baby mother will be visiting us with the children this weekend.
Q. Hi everyone, I feel that my boyfriend is too close to his baby mother. He is always making her come to his house with the kids. He insists they are just friends. His baby mother is a lesbian and she tried to come on to me the other night whil...
A. 10 September 2016: I am guessing this guy is a bit older than you? How come he had kids with the mother if she is a lesbian? Did she decide she was a lesbian after the relationship, or was it an arrangement so she could have children?
To be honest, darling, at your ... (read in full...)
I have a new BF now. So why do I will feel the need to check up on the new Gf of my ex, via social media?
Q. A guy broke up with me 5 years ago. We had built up imagined plans for a future together and I was devastated. I visited him and slept with him several times after the break-up, hoping he'd realise we had something and it was worth trying aga...
A. 10 September 2016: You have become addicted to checking on her, just as you became addicted to your ex, even though you knew he was not good enough for you.
Try setting yourself targets. At first, go one day without checking on her. Then two days, and so on. Hope... (read in full...)
Can people tell when they're "the mutton dressed as the lamb"?
Q. Just in case people are not familiar with the term “mutton dressed as lamb" - it refers to older people who try to appear younger (and usually fail dismally). And it's most often applied to women who wear clothes that are aimed at a much younger ...
A. 10 September 2016:
"Mutton dressed as lamb" is obviously aimed to insult, so your friends will not use this if they are real friends. Only people who want to insult you will use it.
Problem is, these people are often more honest than your friends (at least to you... (read in full...)
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