30 year age difference and she's starting to talk about having kids. I do not want to lose her but just can't go back to raising another family
Q. I am a single 54 year old man who has been dating a 24 year old woman now for the last 5 years. I was 49 and she was 19 when we met. It started as friends with benefits but now I am afraid she has gotten closer and started to say I love you. W...
A. 8 April 2017: There is no compromise in such a situation sadly; it's all or nothing. Despite your sex life being great, you both want such different things now. The things she wants most - a family - you have already had and don't want again, and that is perfect ... (read in full...)
My Gf attends functions with her friends by herself in order to avoid the risk of losing face. This concerns me. How should I handle this?
Q. I have a problem and I need some sound advice. I'm caucasian and my girlfriend is asian. We both get along great except for one big issue in our lives, and that revolves around how she worries about how some in her community may frown upon inte...
A. 8 April 2017: How long have you been dating? If it's only a fairly recent relationship, then I can understand your girlfriend not wanting to introduce you into her community until she knows the relationship is long-term and stable, especially given her fears ... (read in full...)
Should I push for the both of us making more of an effort in our relationship? Or should I accept that this is the way things are now.?
Q. I am currently in an almost 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and don't get me wrong I am very happy. Although, recently I can't stop thinking about the times before we got together, the sort of 'getting to know each other phase' sounds stupid ...
A. 8 April 2017: Interesting that you went, in the space of a post which is only a few lines long, from "I am very happy" to "I'm not, I don't think, unhappy in my relationship".
Of course relationships change and don't stay at that heady "first date" level in... (read in full...)
He still ignores me but I love him! Advice?
Q. Actually I had a boyfriend with whom I broke up 10months ago.the reason for our breakup is he ignores me. He is not behaving as we are before the relationship. He was not at all bothered about my feelings and more over his girl best friend told him ...
A. 8 April 2017: What EXACTLY are you getting out of this relationship - apart from heartache and a lowering of your self respect?
And what do you mean by "his girl best friend is cheating on him"? Either she is his GIRLFRIEND or his FRIEND - and, if she is his F... (read in full...)
Worried my husband doesn't think I'm attractive
Q. Am I wrong to be upset that I don't think my husband finds me physically attractive? I think he married me for reasons other than appearance like that we get on and that we have similar values, wanting a family and same financial goals etc. He often ...
A. 5 April 2017: I suspect one of two things is going on here: either your husband is showing unusual maturity and insight (for a male) into what makes a lasting relationship, or he has been turned down in the past by a good looking female and now has a downer on ... (read in full...)
His sister is so negative, how can we put a stop to this madness?
Q. i have been with my current boyfriend for 16 yrs. his sister calls from time to time and when she does she always dumps her problems on him, always negative for as long as i have known her, he gives her advise on how to better her life but she ...
A. 5 April 2017: You can't control what others do but your strength lies in how you react to it. You should feel lucky that she lives far enough away not to be popping in all the time. At least this is only an occasional imposition. You and your boyfriend can choose ... (read in full...)
I still think of my ex all the time. Does that suggest that I should break up with the new lady, who I am currently dating?
Q. Am seeing some one new, for the last couple months, so my question is, what does it mean when I say, ''I wish my ex would of treated me this good''. Does it mean I should break up with the new one? I still think of my ex all the time, over a year ...
A. 5 April 2017: The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. Until you can think about your ex with total indifference, you are not completely "over" her. This does not mean that you want or should go back to her.
I went out with a guy years ago who ... (read in full...)
He says he's not quite ready for a relationship. Am I over-thinking this situation?
Q. I've know a boy for 1 year and we were close talking everyday we could, he lives 6 hours away from me and is in the army, recently he's moved based and is less than 1 hour away from me. Whilst talking to him I slowly started falling in love, wh...
A. 5 April 2017: You need to listen to what he is saying. His reasons for saying it are irrelevant and his own business.
You are not "in love"; you are "in lust". While I never underestimate the power of lust, it is a long way removed from true love which co... (read in full...)
I don't want to work in the office anymore. But should I tell the agency and end up jobless? what should I do?
Q. Recently I've been feeling down, upset and fed up with my life. I have many things going on and I just can't see life getting better at the moment. I sometimes think that it would be much easier and better being with my mum, since she passed a...
A. 4 April 2017: Sending you a big HUG. I am so sorry you lost your mum so young. I lost mine at a much older age but still feel her loss 17 years later. It is something we never "get over"; we simply learn to cope with their absence.
You don't mention friends.... (read in full...)
He was sexting but now has given me all his passwords!
Q. I am 19 found out a few days ago that my boyfriend whose 22 was sexting a girl in a different state for 2 days. He did not tell me. The whole month he was hiding this he was pushing us having a future and a "forever". His best friend told him he ...
A. 4 April 2017: Destroy the password information and tell him he has to rebuild your trust in him. It is not your job to keep checking up on him and, in any case, it is easy enough to set up new accounts and keep them secret.
Either you trust him or you don't. W... (read in full...)
I feel lonely in this relationship! Should I accept this is as good as it gets with him?
Q. I have been dating a divorced dad with joint custody of two younger teen children I get on great with, for 9 months. He works away three days a week and we only have two free week ends a month. I also see him on a week night. He puts a lot into his ...
A. 4 April 2017: As you know, he comes as a "package" with his children. He sounds like a fabulous dad and is probably also trying to make up to the children for their mother's absence.
Could you two perhaps get away for a break once in a while? Can someone ... (read in full...)
What gives here? Does he want a baby or not?
Q. A few months ago my boyfriend and I decided we were ready to have a baby, so I went off my birth control so we could start trying. The first night we attempted, he pulled out. He apologized and said he was just nervous. I said I understood. Well...
A. 2 April 2017: He's definitely not sure about this (at best). While withdrawal is not 100% proof, he is still reducing the chances of you getting pregnant.
Even if you are 21, you are still very young to be having a baby. If this relationship is right for you,... (read in full...)
Why are those women items still laying around, is he lying?
Q. Hi, So The times that I have gone to my boyfriends apartment, I have seen around 3 or 4 woman stuff laying around, on the bathroom, I saw a black eyeliner, closed kotex pads, thrown in a corner of the bathroom, there was also like two shopping bags ...
A. 2 April 2017: Why don't you offer to help him have a tidy up of his apartment and throw these items out? Then if anything new appears, you know for a fact it is new and not something which you have just not noticed before.
Bottom line though, sweethea... (read in full...)
Why did this older woman have a thing for the guy I'm dating?
Q. Recently I've gotten together with someone my age.(24) I've known him for since he was 14 he lived down the street. We were at a bar andhis friend told me that when he was 17 he was fucking this woman when she was 32 years old. (She was in the same ...
A. 2 April 2017: While you are entitled to your opinion on whether this relationship was right or wrong, what he did with someone else before he went out with you is really none of your business. You are basically passing judgement on something you know nothing ... (read in full...)
I feel no connection with the available guy. Yet the married guy and I do have a connection. What to do?
Q. I am trying to figure out love and what it means and why life gives me certain people when I ask for love. I don't get it. I feel I'm ready for true love but nothing is happening. I admire my coworker who I look forward to seeing everyday, who pu...
A. 2 April 2017: You are taking two men out of millions and thinking that is the only choice you have. Of course it is NOT.
As you have already worked out, NEITHER of these two is for you. If you feel no spark with the available man, there is little point in... (read in full...)
I have a tiny group of friends. I find it difficult to bond with people. How can I learn to enjoy life more?
Q. I have a tiny group of friends from school consisting of 3 girls... One of them has had a baby and rarely comes out which I totally understand and I visit her when I can. The other two work or go to uni and tend to go out a bit I found lately ...
A. 2 April 2017: Sadly this seems to happen a lot in friendships which involve 3 people - 2 tend to drift off together. It is not a reflection on YOU, just that THEY want to spend their time with each other. Once your other friend had a baby, the dynamics of the ... (read in full...)
Does sex life decline after a few years? She didn't complain initially.
Q. Does sex life tend to decline after a few years? My girlfriend was virgin when she met me. She used to love sex, was extremely naughty and used to want it more than me. Now few years later she isn't really up for it. She says it not me, she does...
A. 1 April 2017: Are you still doing the same things you did all those years ago? If so, it is possible she is just bored. Or maybe what you used to do stopped working for her (our bodies do change - what worked a few years ago may not necessarily work now).
... (read in full...)
He makes me feel rejected. Can anyone offer me some perspective on this situation?
Q. Hello aunts. I would really appreciate some advice please. I have been in a relationship for seven months now, and we see each other weekly as we live a little way from each other. In the main we are good together. There is lots of contact betwe...
A. 1 April 2017: Deep down you KNOW it's not personal; it's just how HE is. However, if he really wants to - and he should, because it is important to YOU - he CAN work on this and change - at least to some degree.
Lead by example and don't be afraid to ask him ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Should I let him go? 2
Q. I have been talking to this guy for over a month now and now has been going downhill from there. There will be days where he treats me like his girlfriend and call me "his beautiful" and tells me to stop worrying about him, then there are other da...
A. 1 April 2017: This guy isn't "yours" so you are not "giving up" on anyone. You haven't even met him in person yet you are already crying about him. What sort of a relationship is that? You don't even have any proof he is who he says he is.
Do yourself a favour... (read in full...)
My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi, just looking for some advice please My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do. Background info- we've been together 2 years, live together (against their wishes). I'm 25 and he's 26. I have never given ...
A. 31 March 2017: I doubt there is anything YOU can do to change this. The change needs to come from your boyfriend. While it is always admirable to treat family well and look after them, a partner should be far higher up the priority list than you currently appear ... (read in full...)
How do I let go of my long lost love?
Q. I don't know where to start, but writing (even though I suck at it) is my only escape from reality. I was in love with someone back in 2008-2011. He really was amazing, he did everything I wanted to do and made me feel like I was something sp...
A. 31 March 2017: You are mourning the person you believed and wanted him to be, not the person he turned out to be. Words are cheap. ANYONE can make promises but carrying them out takes integrity and strength of character, which he sadly lacked.
I am a bit puzz... (read in full...)
I'm very happy in my relationship but why do I suddenly want to contact my abusive ex to tell him how awful he was to me?
Q. When I was 16-18 I dated an emotionally and physically abusive man who was a little older than me. My first time was with him and it wasn't something I wanted, but we were somehow together for a couple years. When it ended, it didn't properly end. . ...
A. 31 March 2017: Your best revenge is to live a happy life. Smile to yourself at the thought that you survived his abuse and are now a stronger person as a result of it.
The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
Be happy. ... (read in full...)
I'm ok with my sexless relationship but my friends think it's weird
Q. Hi there , I have been with my partner a year and a half yet in all that time we have only had sex 10 times we cuddle kiss hold hands but nothing more he was honest from the start and said he wasn't very sexual, this is ok with me however my friends ...
A. 31 March 2017: If you and your partner are happy, then it is nobody else's business but yours. Your relationship is obviously based on much more than sex and you appear to show affection by other forms of physical contact.
However, I would question why you are ... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend have commitment issues? He won't change his address
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year, but he hasn't changed his address with the post office. He is still picking up mail at his parents house. We moved in together June 2016. Last weekend I mentioned it and he said, "t...
A. 30 March 2017: Sounds more like insecurity (or even cynicism) than a fear of commitment. Does he perhaps have a history of being dumped by his partners? Or has he perhaps never had a serious relationship before and can't believe things are going so well?
My on... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to meet up with my ex when I'm confused about my own emotions?
Q. Ok so I'm completely single, and have been for about a year. My ex recently contacted me and wanted to meet up sometime. We broke up on good terms and we're not necessarily friends but I'm not sure of what his intentions are. I still really care ...
A. 29 March 2017: I suspect one of two things is going on here: either he has heard about your new relationship and has suddenly decided that, although he doesn't really want you, he doesn't want anyone else to have you either, or he has just broken up with a ... (read in full...)
We booked a weekend away to save our relationship and he wants to play soccer! Am I selfish? Am I not a priority to him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been having fighting almost non-stop for the last 3 weeks with things being hard since the new year. Every time we make up and promise not to fight, we do it again. We have been together almost 2 years and been through ...
A. 29 March 2017: I don't believe any of this is a simple case of one of you being right and the other wrong, or one of you being unreasonable. I suspect you are both just at different points in your emotional development and looking for different things.
You a... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that on our break I paid for sex?
Q. Hi, my and my gf of 5 years have sort of had a bit of distance come between us, on my end mainly. She was always so insecure and sort of clingy and although I loved her it chipped away at me and I felt I needed space. We took space and things were ...
A. 29 March 2017: Why on earth would you want to tell her something like that? Is it to offload your guilt? If so, find someone else to talk to (preferably a councillor or someone who is in no danger of ever telling your girlfriend).
If she was insecure before, ... (read in full...)
Am I shallow for not wanting to have sex with her because she has herpes?
Q. I have a friend of around two years whom I am very close to, we were considering a relationship but due to the distance between us and financial difficulties on both ends we decided to just stay as friends for the foreseeable future. Despite t...
A. 29 March 2017: We have a gut instinct for a very good reason: to protect us from things that don't seem right and/or which could harm us. LISTEN to your gut instinct. Do you really want to risk having unprotected sex with someone who is so casual about their ... (read in full...)
Was he lying about his reasons for blocking me?
Q. I was dating a guy and he was leaving on duty for a couple weeks. He lied to me about deleting social media, he actually ended up blocking me. When I caught him in his lie, he said anxiety and paranoia made him delete me, he thought I would stalk ...
A. 27 March 2017: Opinion? He's a waste of space. Don't waste another thought on him. He did what he did because he doesn't want a relationship with you. Respect that and find someone who does want to be with you.
Or perhaps a better thing to do would be to try t... (read in full...)
I feel trapped, I want him to move out but he has no money!
Q. Dear Cupid My boyfriend is 45 and we have been together for a few years. I am aware that he likes to drink and we have had some arguments about this and I have told him I respect his right to make his own choices but a life which focuses on alcoh...
A. 27 March 2017: You are doing him no favours by supporting him. Why should he change when he knows you will stand by him?
Give him a time limit to move out, then change the locks so he can't get back in. He is an adult and, as such, not your responsi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I've gone off him but we don't have a bed of our own!
Q. Hi I've been with my bf for almost a year now. We used to have sex and I used to make him excited but we recently moved in with my sister and her daughter so we share the living room. We have sex yeah but its not ideal considering its either on the ...
A. 27 March 2017: You want to make HIM happy but does he do anything to make YOU happy? Does he take time to ensure you are turned on before having sex or does he just expect you to be "up for it"? If the latter, then I don't think it is just the lack of a bed that ... (read in full...)
I am confused! Why didn't my professor call when I left her my number?
Q. I'm in 4th year of Psychology school, and I am 23 years old. There's this older professor (a woman, in fact). She was married a few times (five, to be exact, all to men), there are rumors that she hooks up with students (not sure which sex), and ...
A. 27 March 2017: I think you need to find a partner nearer your own age so that you can get over this crush you have one someone who is obviously enjoying pulling your strings. It is normal for young people to fantasize about older people but they usually grow out ... (read in full...)
I think I got played and feel like a fool
Q. I talked about this guy before, he actually manipulated me and got me as far as fooling around and sending pics (naughty pics). As soon as I cut that off, he lied to me big time. I feel like a fool?...
A. 26 March 2017: Take this as a lesson learned and don't be so cheap in future. People tend not to value something they have obtained too easily.
Think yourself lucky that he is not blackmailing you about the pics as that is one of the current scams going on... (read in full...)
Phone sex with boyfriend turns out awfully wrong
Q. I don't know where to start but I've been in a relationship with my man for 5 years and he was never very colourful or expressive when we have phone sex. We recently got into a long distant relationship for 3 months since I'm studying. So these ...
A. 26 March 2017: Be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes! Sorry, but the further I read, the more bemused I became.
You have no right to demand your poor fella does anything to his body he is not comfortable with. If he doesn't feel comfortable masturba... (read in full...)
Does it sound like my boyfriend wants to get me pregnant?
Q. So I think my boyfriend wants me to get pregnant , without actually saying it . This is more of a question for the guys since they may know more about how they think. First of all we haven't been dating for long but he's already talked about get...
A. 26 March 2017: Either stop having sex with him or use some other form of contraception that is effective all the time and leaves control in YOUR hands (pill, coil, injection, etc).
Neither of you sound mature enough to be responsible for a child. He is just a f... (read in full...)
Boyfriend didn't contact me and I'm angry
Q. My bf was at a lunch at a client today and then they went to a hotel bar with the guys for drinks. He hardly contacted me during the lunch nor told me they were going to a bar afterwards. I had to contact him and ask him what he was up to because he ...
A. 26 March 2017: While I can understand why you were peeved at him (given the previous history), you cannot live life like this. It doesn't sound like either of you is happy at the moment - you because you don't trust him and him because he has to report in to you ... (read in full...)
Going silent on me after I asked him how he felt about me by telling me he would talk to me when he is ready.
Q. Hi. I don't know what to make of my bf's behavior. I asked him a week and a half ago ago who he felt about me, because we are in a long distance relationship and do not get to see one another very often. I don't know how he feels about me, th...
A. 26 March 2017: As I see it, there are one of two things going on here: EITHER he is very controlling and this is his way of keeping you in line, OR he finds discussing emotions/feelings very difficult (some men are really backward in this department).
It co... (read in full...)
Please explain medical issues of virginity
Q. i had sex first time before one year, in a day about 3 times and i lost my virginity , i bled a medium... and want to know that if i will sex after two years.. should i bleed again or not? and what should i do to bleed again?...
A. 25 March 2017: To answer your actual question, it is unlikely you will bleed again - unless the man is very rough with you.
Virginity is not something you can have over and over again. By definition, once it has gone, it has gone, although there are (I believe)... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want kids but I do. My friends say that I should "trap" him. Is that my only option?
Q. Me and my husband have been together 8 years now and married for 2. Everybody that knows us have always said we are the best couple they've ever met as we love each other A LOT and would do anything for one another. It really is the perfect ...
A. 25 March 2017: Does he realize how important this is to you? If not, then he needs to be told in no uncertain terms.
Tricking him into having a child he never wanted would just be the worst possible thing to do and totally unfair on all parties concerne... (read in full...)
Why am I getting mixed signals from her?
Q. This girl at work is giving me mixed signals, seems like mostly negative. On the one hand someone asked her if she likes me ( in front of me), to which she responded "of course I love him". On the other hand she's always telling me I talk too much, ...
A. 24 March 2017: Oh dear. Have you found a girl who doesn't fall for your charms? Is she a challenge?
She may just be playing hard to get, or you may actually irritate her.
I would take the "I love him" as her messing about. If she really loved you, she w... (read in full...)
I suspect my fiance is cheating but he thinks I am stupid!
Q. My fiancé was out last weekend and I was informed from one of his friends he was walking a girl home. The weekend before he was out and lost his phone and I call it and a girl answers whom he had left the phone at her house. This was the only...
A. 24 March 2017: It could all be innocent - or not. The important thing here is that YOU are not sure it is innocent and YOU have reason to doubt him. A relationship needs to be built on trust and you are obviously already wondering if you can trust him. Do you want ... (read in full...)
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