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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I'm married but I want to be with my ex. How can I do this without causing damage to my kids?
Q. Here's the situation. I love my ex. I always have and know I always will. Always felt he is the love of my life. We recently acknowledge our true feelings. Problem is I'm married. Miscommunications and a broken heart lead me to my husband to ...
A. 12 June 2008: We hear how you feel. How does your husband feel. Is he seeing your marriage as something that can be worked on, or is he seeing the end of the tunnel approaching as well.
Marriage can be stressful, rasing kids, bills, responsabilities in and o... (read in full...)
We had sex and then we broke up! Can I really be put in jail because of this?
Q. Ok, I was dating this girl for over a year, and we had sex a few months ago. Just recently (last night) we broke up, I do love and care about her, I just felt like the relationship was far too serious, and I did not want to be in anymore. After we ...
A. 7 February 2008: I just looked up the statute for you. It is legal to have sex with a minor if the actor is not more than three years older. ... (read in full...)
We had sex and then we broke up! Can I really be put in jail because of this?
Q. Ok, I was dating this girl for over a year, and we had sex a few months ago. Just recently (last night) we broke up, I do love and care about her, I just felt like the relationship was far too serious, and I did not want to be in anymore. After we ...
A. 7 February 2008: I wouldn't worry about the mom either. She'll realize, all though they live half way across the country, in order to do anything she'll have to return to California. ... (read in full...)
What can I do about the situation and can I deny the DNA test, given that I'm a teenager pregnant with my cousin's baby??
Q. I'm 17 years old. Me and my cousin have been dating for a while, it feels weird to be attracted to my cousin but i really do have lots of feelings for him. Anyway i'm about 5 months pregnant with his child. My parents already know about my pregnancy ...
A. 6 February 2008: Incest is unlawful, now the geneology chain changes from state to state. Some states it's unlawful for first cousins to engage in ANY sexual behavior with one another. You can deny the DNA test, but being you feel your old enough to have sex, you ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend's best friend that I will break up with my boyfriend to begin a new relationship with him?
Q. I have feelings for my boyfriend's best friend, we have a lot in common and I really can imagine us dating. How do I tell my boyfriend's best friend that I will break up with my boyfriend to begin a new relationship with him?...
A. 6 February 2008: You have to understand that if your boyfriend's best friend is a true friend. You can tell him, but more than likely he's not going to take you up on your offer. Best friends are like family and often they'll choose to keep thir friendshiip, not ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling so wierd when my dad reads things I wrote in my mother's memory?
Q. i'm 14 and my mom died on November 19, and i, of course, miss her sooooo much. every and any one i talk to says it's a good thing to talk about her and i agree. but when i write something like a poem or how i feel about the situation on myspace blog ...
A. 5 February 2008: it sounds as if you're concerned about your dad's feelings. poetry and such may bring up emotions and all though it's a good part of healing, it's more difficult to see someone else with hurt and painful emotions than it is to see ourselves. It's OK ... (read in full...)
I suspect my bf is married. What can you suggest? Am I reading too much into this?
Q. I think my boyfriend my be married but I am not sure. We have been seeing each other since last fall and here is what I have observed: We see each other twice a month for a date night (always checked by schedules). We have lunch or drinks 2 or 3 ti...
A. 5 February 2008: I would have to say, you wouldn't need a P.I. to figure this one out. And how long have you been putting up with this? How long did it take you to begin suspecting his being married (or living with a female)? If my home is messy (not like we're ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is abusive what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years, we have two kids together.I love him ,but he is very mean and he has OCD.If the house is not clean he goes crazy he starts calling me name and yelling at me. I dont know what to do. I dont think ...
A. 5 February 2008: Call your local victim services dealing with domestic violence. You're right, you don't need to put up with this, or allow your kids too. Being OCD, is OK to a certain extent. But just because he is, doesn't mean you have to be. I'd tell him if he ... (read in full...)
Can anyone possibly help me with that "married man dilemma"?
Q. Can anyone possibly help me with that "married man dilemma"? First, I am very aware of the sentiments of most of the advisers here, so let me say right off the bat that I have always agreed on the point but I am in such deep distress right now that ...
A. 5 February 2008: It's so true, love isn't a feeling, it's something that is done. And that something that is done is a choice. I heard a quote not too long ago, but it really explains the four letter "L" word. True love is the choice to love them, without any ... (read in full...)
AM I A FOOL?
Q. I had an affair which has subsequently culminated in the end of my marriage. My lover attempted to leave his wife several times during our affair but never quite found the strength. He finished our relationship around the same time my marriage broke ...
A. 5 February 2008: Don't wait around for married people. Having an afair in the first place is wrong. Let me ask you something. When you enter into any sort of physical or mental relatioship with a married person. Even if they leave their wife for you, you began the ... (read in full...)
We had sex and then we broke up! Can I really be put in jail because of this?
Q. Ok, I was dating this girl for over a year, and we had sex a few months ago. Just recently (last night) we broke up, I do love and care about her, I just felt like the relationship was far too serious, and I did not want to be in anymore. After we ...
A. 5 February 2008: Yea. I'd say you keep your questions and answers on here, copy and paste them to a word document with the dates. This way it proves you're attempt to seek assistance, prior to being charged with anything. Second, your sex with her took place in your ... (read in full...)
We had sex and then we broke up! Can I really be put in jail because of this?
Q. Ok, I was dating this girl for over a year, and we had sex a few months ago. Just recently (last night) we broke up, I do love and care about her, I just felt like the relationship was far too serious, and I did not want to be in anymore. After we ...
A. 5 February 2008: Learn something new. This is the reason you need to check in the state you reside. I thought it was law everywhere that someone over 18 could not have sexual relationships with someone under 18. In the state I live someone 15 and 16 may have sexual ... (read in full...)
He makes himself look as the victim.
Q. I have been engaged for almost one year....it's been a lil bumpy breaking up making up...mainly over dumb things and this past sunday we had just made it past a breakup (we had broken up for 2 1/2 weeks) and we had talked and realized that this is ...
A. 4 February 2008: Sometimes it doesn't matter who goes to who, as long as someone is big enough to do so. In your situation, it's not the same as a general argument where two people are sitting at home waiting for the other one to say sorry.
He's treating you like... (read in full...)
I am crazy in love with him despite him treating me so bad.
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, like every other relationship we had our ups and down. Two weeks ago we broke; he never gave a real reason why. Desperate and confused I lied to him about being pregnant so he c...
A. 4 February 2008: Lying about being pregnant is a "trap" tactic. It's mallicious because your intent with him is other than what was said. He does sound like a jerk. It's hard to understand why some people act the way they do, but some things just are and we won't be ... (read in full...)
She's so paranoid about her body!!!
Q. hello my girlfriend for 5 years has always been paranoid and unhappy with the way her body looks, even though everytime she says something about it i always reasure her that i love the way she looks and she doesnt need to do anything, but she wont ...
A. 4 February 2008: I agree with the other posters. What I wanted to add is, it's not about you and how you feel she looks. It's about her and feeling good about yourself. I'd even offer to exercise with her. That way she doesn't feel as if she's alone in this process. ... (read in full...)
Does having a fractured pelvis affect my ability to have children in the future?
Q. This is mostly for doctors. I was 16 when I got into a car crash and suffered and fractured pelvis. Will this affect my ability to have children?...
A. 4 February 2008: This really depends on how you've healed. Any fracture leaves that area a bit more vulnerable to future incidences if not careful. I'd check with your doctor and have him x-ray to judge how well you've healed. ... (read in full...)
He makes himself look as the victim.
Q. I have been engaged for almost one year....it's been a lil bumpy breaking up making up...mainly over dumb things and this past sunday we had just made it past a breakup (we had broken up for 2 1/2 weeks) and we had talked and realized that this is ...
A. 4 February 2008: This is not a healthy positive relationship. Believe it or not, they do exist, this just happens to not be one of them. We often just settle for whatever comes a long. We get lonely, and in need of affection, and with that sometimes comes bad ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I find myself seeking a better match...what should I do??
Q. Is the selfish option, the right option? I have a loving husband who is ideal in many ways. Aquantances, work colleagues, friends and family all sing his praises as someone totally fabulous - and they say I am very lucky. To others though, w...
A. 4 February 2008: I think you need to work on your marriage. So many people treat marriage as "I'll get in it, and if a small change, I can just get right back out." When having a partner, their's many times people wonder, "could I do better." But you have a son as ... (read in full...)
Why did he ask me to sit on his face??
Q. Hello, I'm 15. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now. We haven't had sex before, but we've done little things. The other night, he asked me to sit on his face! So that my front was near his mouth. I asked him why, and he assured ...
A. 4 February 2008: I don't think this question is a real question. If it is, ask your mom, she'd know the answer.... (read in full...)
Homeless poor and pregant...should I try and make it alone??
Q. I am 21 and have been in a long term on off relationship with a 29 year old for 3 years. We have broken it off many times but always end up going back or sleeping together. Unfortunately the last time we slept together i fell pregnant. He told my ...
A. 4 February 2008: As far as now. You have other things to deal with. Your boyfriend is not someone you should be thinking about. Weather he someday comes around, straightened up and off dope is a maybe, but if he does or doesn't you still have yourself and a child to ... (read in full...)
I think I've fallen for him, but question it working out.
Q. I started talking to *Jack, (23) on a online chat room, we'd spoken on the phone and regually texted, over a few weeks. I was nervous about meeting him and obviously it can go wrong. However, everything was fine, my friends knew where i was, etc. ...
A. 3 February 2008: It sounds like you have the opportunity to be with a real man. Who would you rather be with, someone who takes care of, and loves his kids, or someone who just has them, takes off, stops contact, and becomes a dead beat. The positive side of this ... (read in full...)
He sabotages my efforts, and the time I spend with my kids! Is he abusing me?
Q. My boyfriend and I are having huge problems. I think he's abusing me.(not physically but emotionally)He's 50. And I am finding out he has some possession and control head problems. These issues seem to come out more whenever my family come around. ...
A. 3 February 2008: Your welcome. Check with someone in law where you live. I know here, most states, there is no property split if just dating. If there was, his abuse creates a hostile living environment for you and your children. That forces you to make a change ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sister is accusing him of sexually abusing her!
Q. I have been dating a guy for a year and a half and about 4 months ago he had an argument with one of his sisters over the father's will and she accused him of sexually abusing her while they were growing up. This took place over the phone but I was ...
A. 3 February 2008: I agree. Talk to the sister. Confront her yourself to find out the truth. As far as the dreams, have you dealt with your own abuseive situation. What happens is you were abused. Accusations against him come up, true or not, you regress back into the ... (read in full...)
He sabotages my efforts, and the time I spend with my kids! Is he abusing me?
Q. My boyfriend and I are having huge problems. I think he's abusing me.(not physically but emotionally)He's 50. And I am finding out he has some possession and control head problems. These issues seem to come out more whenever my family come around. ...
A. 3 February 2008: This is mental abuse. It's a form of control. Disabeling a vehicle to prevent access by the partner. That's restraining or unlawfully confining the actions of the partner. He needs to know, "these are my children, and all though you're important to ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to my teacher about what happened?
Q. Hi. I reported my ex-teacher, who I had/have a crush on, for misconduct about a month ago, and now I want to talk to him, but I don't know if he will talk to me. We were really good friends up until that point, and we'd talk every three or four ...
A. 3 February 2008: I think this incident has been handed over to the investigation department. Leave it there. You didn't do anything wrong. He was the one with wondering fingers, and it was right to turn him in. You also did so for the right reasons. Not just because ... (read in full...)
Could the pain caused by his ex be the reason he treats me this way??
Q. Things my boyfriend of 2 years does:calls daily more than once. Comes over 3 or 4 times a week at night after work to watch TV. We go to the movies and out to eat at nice resturants Saturdays and Sundays. We sometimes buy things for each other for ...
A. 2 February 2008: Sound like he's afraid to take the relationship to the next level. Yea that could be because of his ex. The issue though is not the fact he feels the way he does, it's that he chose to view what happened with his ex in a way that causes damage to ... (read in full...)
My husband is compulsive lier and I believe he is ill...should I leave him forever after all the lies??
Q. Please help me! I met my husband 2 years and 8 months ago. My husband is Canadian and I am English. We have been married for 1 year and 6 months. We got married in the USA and I had to return to the UK for 2 months straight after we got married....
A. 2 February 2008: I'm sorry this is taking place. It's hard. What's even harder to recognize is that he can't just change. I'm sorry for that too. I know you must be hurt. I wish you could just take a pill to make the pain go away, as you can with a headache. ... (read in full...)
Whose problem is it, that cheating happened without one of the involved parties knowing the other was committed?
Q. So I slept with my ex again, and it just so happens it was her first night back in town after break from school. We were at a party and she invited me to her house..... After a couple of days I texted her just to see what she was up to, having not ...
A. 2 February 2008: It's her problem in this case. If you knew before hand, it would be partially your problem. Just as she would choose to cheat, you would choose to be a party to her cheating. ... (read in full...)
I think I've fallen for him, but question it working out.
Q. I started talking to *Jack, (23) on a online chat room, we'd spoken on the phone and regually texted, over a few weeks. I was nervous about meeting him and obviously it can go wrong. However, everything was fine, my friends knew where i was, etc. ...
A. 2 February 2008: You think he's perfect in every way. Thats great, but he must not be if you're questioning it. Playing stepmommy, that's an excuse. Kids are wonderful. They keep me young. I have children too, and if I were to date someone, I don't expect at all for ... (read in full...)
He tells me I'm stupid for asking.
Q. hi there im in a relationship with a fella that i think is just using me when we first got 2gether everythin happened so quickly. got pregnant got engaged got pregnant again. he always puts me down when other people is present but just recently he ...
A. 2 February 2008: I think he's manipulative, and controlling. I also believe it would be in your best interest to end this and start living for yourself. This is not a good relationship to be in, and I don't see with his behaviors it improving at all. I see so many ... (read in full...)
I think her behavior is dreadful
Q. Will try to keep this short. In essence, husband had a three year emotional affair with my next door neighbour (and friend). I found out when I discovered text messages from her on his phone twp days before our baby was due to be born. We are ...
A. 2 February 2008: You're doing what you need to do. There's no need to tell her, because chances are it wouldn't change anything. If I went up to you and began yelling at you in public. I would automatically feel bad and embarassed because I know that behavior was ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel unwanted and ugly and I am starting to feel like cheating is the only way.
Q. I've been in a relationship for 8 years now.Of course my significant other watches porn and at first I had no problem with it but now it seems to be a huge problem for me. We went to having sex all the time to where he couldn't keep his hands of...
A. 2 February 2008: Why are you there? Why do you allow him to treat you in this way? Don't you realize you are an important, special person and you need to stand up for your right to be treated with respect? It's not you, the reason he acts this way. It's him. It ... (read in full...)
I'm married but I want to be with my ex. How can I do this without causing damage to my kids?
Q. Here's the situation. I love my ex. I always have and know I always will. Always felt he is the love of my life. We recently acknowledge our true feelings. Problem is I'm married. Miscommunications and a broken heart lead me to my husband to ...
A. 2 February 2008: Have you ever heard the saying "if mama's not happy then nobody's happy" I don't know if that's a regular saying, my lawyer said it to me.
I'm going to give you some hard facts here about marriage and relationships with children. Are children a re... (read in full...)
Stuck between by ex and my current b/f. Should I give in to his blackmail?
Q. So heres the deal...My current bf of 2 years and I have have a 1 year old daughter together, he treats me well (except for when I want to hang out with my friends). Im 19 and hes 31 I feel like we're lifetimes apart. While on the other hand my ex ...
A. 2 February 2008: You have quite a mess giong on for yourself. What to do? Your boyriend is a construction worker, how can he know if he's going to receive custody or not?
I can tell you from reading your story, and not trying to be mean, but the custody issue woul... (read in full...)
Is my Male friend to old for this Girl?
Q. hi everyone i have a bit of a problem with my best mate i dont know what to do he is 36 nearly 37 and recently confided in me that he has been having a relationship (mainly just sexual) with a 16 year old... ok this sounds alot worse its making...
A. 2 February 2008: I wouldn't have sex with a sixteen year old girl. I received an offer, could of, she is an attractive young lady, but I told her to hit me up in about 10 years, and we'd talk.
I know in your country, 16 is the age of consent. The issue here then... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm good in bed?
Q. How can I tell if I'm ok in bed? Can I simply tell by somethings that he does? Or should I just get the courage to ask him? Will he think it's weird if I randomly ask how I am in bed? ...
A. 2 February 2008: You have the courage to have sex with him, but not ask him how you are. Now remember people have basic sexual instincts, practice doesn't make perfect it makes persistance, so get lots of practice. ... (read in full...)
How do I control my negative thoughts, loneliness and jealousy?
Q. Hello everyone, any advice as always muchly appreciated. My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 1/2 months ago (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-do-i-do-now-im-lost.html) It was all very out of the blue and I've been struggling to ...
A. 2 February 2008: I've been where you are. Break up, and wonder what other relationships had that I didn't and the reason they were still together but mine wasn't. Then I figured it out. They knew what they were doing, and I didn't. The problem is, men and women ... (read in full...)
We have been very distant after a miscarriage. What can we do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been dating for over six months now. Everything was fine until she miscarried our baby after 5 weeks. Ever since the news she has become very distant and nothing i do is ever right. She has bad mood swings, father ...
A. 2 February 2008: I agree with the other poster. This is very traumatic for someone. She definately needs tharapy. Here's what often happens such as in your case, where new abnormal behaviors surface. (1) bad marriage (unresolved) + (2) bad marriage (unresolved) + ... (read in full...)
How can I have sex with other girls without hurting my girlfriend?
Q. me and my girlfriend have been dateing for 7 mounths now and the frist couple day of our relationship she took my virginity and for the past 4 or 5 mounths i wanted to experience it with other girls but with out hurting her can sombody please help ...
A. 1 February 2008: As long as you are dating her, it would be inappropriate for you to have sex with anyone else. Being with her, I'd have to say there is really no way to do it without hurting her. ... (read in full...)
I hurt him all the time and don't like it
Q. okay..my relation ship is wonderful i tould him about me and his best friend and he wasnt as mad as i thout he should be,but that isnt my question..my question is i dont think im a very good g/f..i have cheated and argued with him..my past is very ...
A. 1 February 2008: Why don't you tell us about what you went through in the past. I'll tell you, you'll be surprised of just how much our past plays in current choices and behaviors. We're here to help you, not just give you a short time fix.... (read in full...)
I feel so empty, like I'm walking, but not alive
Q. I have been married to my husband just over a year; We have a 1 year old daughter and one on the way. I feel like I have been trapped by everyone who is suppose to care about me. I had told my husband, my parents, my grandparents I was not ready for ...
A. 1 February 2008: You need a way out of what? You know we all get older, and as we do our lives, activities and responsabilities change. It's a bit depressing. I know partying is fun. I use to do it quite often. I'm a single parent. I still go out every once in a ... (read in full...)
My ex could never get over the fact I dated somebody else during a break: please help me put my family back together.
Q. my ex and i have were together over 4 years. we have a beautiful little girl, an engagement, 2 dogs, a house, joint bank accounts, etc. things were rough about 2 1/2 years in, we fought constantly and i split up with her, then dated another wo...
A. 31 January 2008: Keep improving yourself. Figure out why the petty arguments are happening. When you disagree, it's not an invitation to argue. A disagreement is not a challenge to prove one person is right and the other one is wrong. It's simply two people, with ... (read in full...)
My ex wanted me back but wont give up her new guy. I feel like I'm being manipulated, what should I do?
Q. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. It was mostly because I wasn't attentive enough. She started seeing someone else. I stayed away from her. I didn't call her at all. She called me after a month and told me she missed me. She told me she thinks ...
A. 31 January 2008: Sorry it happened that way. Remember relationships are not mental game playing activities. You'll find happiness, and when you do, I bet this relationship won't even compare.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I made out with his best friend?
Q. okay me and my boyfriend have not been dating very long..and i now like his best friend..and he likes me and...well...at my boyfriends basketball game i kinda made out with his friend..and i now know that i dont like him and i really really like my ...
A. 31 January 2008: I'd tell your boyfriend, because it's the right thing to do. You can't be boyfriend and girlfriend if you can't learn to be honest. It wouldn't be right to do so.... (read in full...)
My ex wanted me back but wont give up her new guy. I feel like I'm being manipulated, what should I do?
Q. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. It was mostly because I wasn't attentive enough. She started seeing someone else. I stayed away from her. I didn't call her at all. She called me after a month and told me she missed me. She told me she thinks ...
A. 31 January 2008: It's time to pack this one up. She's playing you, because she knows she can. I wrote a song not long ago, the end of the corus is "I wasn't good enough for you then, I sure and the hell aint now." Sometimes all though you want to be with them and ... (read in full...)
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