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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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My boyfriend's family doesn't like me or my children
Q. I have been dealing with for two years now and it come and goes in waves. My Boyfriends parents dont really seem to like me or my kids. When we 1st got together it seems that they just dealt with me but you could tell by small subtle hints they ...
A. 28 February 2013: Unfortunately, you are stuck with his parents. They and your boyfriend come as a package deal. While you may win them over in time, it is unlikely. You do have a few options:
1) Insist that your boyfriend defend you. While you can't make his... (read in full...)
I miss him and don't want to be with anyone else but he doesn't want a relationship
Q. Please Help! I was in a 5year relationship that ended less then a year ago. He actually broke up with me over text because he couldn't face me. The reason our relationship failed was bc I wanted to get married and he didn't. Marriage scared ...
A. 28 February 2013: Your relationship is salvageable. However, I think you are going to have to lose your dream of getting married to him.
The man has clearly stated he doesn't want to get married. For whatever reason, he has been up front with it and after 5 ... (read in full...)
Didn't think he was the cheating type but I've caught him in lies and strange women answering his voice in the early am!
Q. I feel like im going insane. I do. I come from a conservative family and always thought I would be with (in regards to sex) one man. I like about the idea of only knowing one person intimately and vice versa. Me and my current boyfriend wen...
A. 28 February 2013: You have every right to be suspicious of your boyfriend. And from the sounds of it, he IS and HAS been cheating on you. While you state that you don't think he is a cheater, it sounds like you haven'd had that much experience dating... You could ... (read in full...)
Is he bored with me? I caught him yanking off in bed next to me!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man who was married for over 20 years. The last 7 years it was a sexless marriage. We happen to have sex very often but there are times where I find porn on his phone and have caught him a few times masturbati...
A. 27 February 2013: It sounds like he has a bad habit in regards to pornography. Sometimes in sexless marriages, men resort to viewing adult materials to "get by" Doing this, unfortunately, can be mildly addictive and turn into a bad habit.
Guys masturba... (read in full...)
Should I just wait to hear from him? He's digesting the news that I used to be an escort
Q. A few years ago I fell into hard times and began escorting. I did it for 2 years off and on and just enough to get by. I eventually quit and have since than went back to working a real job and a normal life for a few yeArs now. A few months ago I ...
A. 27 February 2013: I think you did the right thing by telling your boyfriend about your past. This is not a trivial thing and I am willing to bet most guys would want to know. While you are certainly a different person today than what you were yesterday and you had ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship salvageable or should I move on?
Q. My husband and I have had a bad marriage the last 2 years. We've been married 14 years. He turned into a workaholic and I was lonely. I started hanging out with friends. A few were guys. He avoided me by working all the time. I developed an add...
A. 27 February 2013: It's never over if both parties want to work on it. The question is, is he willing to accept his faults in the relationship and work to close the intimacy gap.
There are also some things YOU need to think about:
1) If your husband continue... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my husband isn't interested in sex
Q. My husband and I are expecting our first child. I'm five months pregnant. The last couple months, since I've been showing, my husband hasn't been as interested in sex. Most of the time we do, I have to ask for it or he initiates early in the morning ...
A. 27 February 2013: Your followup indicates to me that your husband is most likely a very selfish lover. Has he always been this way?
I think you need to sit down and talk with your husband and let him know that sexually you are being let down. Tell him you need... (read in full...)
What can I do about my fiance who continues to lie to me? Money is tight yet he still spends on things we can't afford.
Q. my fiance keeps lying about stupid things and its driving me up the wall. He's not working at the moment so money is tight, I have spoken to him about how much he keeps spending several times now. He has two kids from a previous relationshi...
A. 26 February 2013: Money can and is a HUGE deal in marriages. Bad money management skills have sunk many marriages. And usually guys with bad money management skills don't magically learn to deal with it -- especially at his age. Some are used to living high on the ... (read in full...)
To text or not to text... help!
Q. Ok, so I went out on a first date for drinks with someone I met online a few days ago. Things went really well, because he kept asking me the whole time about going out again to a movie or dinner. The next morning, he texted me and told me to have a ...
A. 26 February 2013: For me, I've always felt texting was an extremely poor way to communicate. It is hard to convey emotion, urgency and meaning behind 160 characters (or whatever the max length of them are). To me it is also cowardly and somewhat lazy.
I see abso... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my husband isn't interested in sex
Q. My husband and I are expecting our first child. I'm five months pregnant. The last couple months, since I've been showing, my husband hasn't been as interested in sex. Most of the time we do, I have to ask for it or he initiates early in the morning ...
A. 26 February 2013: What more of an explanation do you need? He told you that he really hasn't been in the mood of late... he gave you an answer and you didn't like it. So immediately you think there is another problem.
Yes, sex does ebb and flow. Even us guys ... (read in full...)
Is it cheating? I feel horrible and do not know what to do next!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 22 and gay from Germany and its pretty late in the evening but my consience does not let me to go to the bed. I have a boyfriend more than a month now and everything was going perfect. I truely love him and he loves me too. He...
A. 26 February 2013: Yes you did cheat. Imagine how you would read the situation if your boyfriend came home and told you what you had done... wouldn't you call it cheating?
There isn't a magical way of getting over this situation. It is called guilt and the reas... (read in full...)
Getting married in May but fiancee called another girl beautiful on the phone.
Q. Dear cupid friends, help! I have been dating my fiance for 7 years. We are supposed to get married in May. He knows I already have trust issues with him. Well the other morning I looked at his phone and to my shock he had texted some other girl and ...
A. 25 February 2013: If you are having trust issues, why are you getting married and why have you invested 7 years in this man? Trust issues are usually resolved in the first 6 - 9 months of a relationship.
I am not sure what motivated your boyfriend to call ano... (read in full...)
Guys, do you compare gfs with porn actresses and think about them in sex?
Q. guys, be honest, do you compare your gf's body to those of the women you see in porn? and do you have mental images of the women you watch in porn when you're making love with your gf? thanks for any answers :)...
A. 25 February 2013: Absolutely no.
Porn actresses are just that: a fantasy. Also the majority of porn actress that the average person would know hold no attraction to me (and most guys I know feel the same way). I think they are incredible fake and vapid. ... (read in full...)
Found girlfriend on dating site after 5 years together
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years with a 41 year old professional woman (a maths teacher in Worcester UK who goes to church and acts like she has high standards) where we have drifted due to stresses that happened such as burglaries, ...
A. 25 February 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Betrayal is very hard to swallow -- especially if you are on receiving end. Your feelings are certainly justified -- don't let her or you tell you otherwise.
There are really two ways to go here: ... (read in full...)
Should I forget about my wife's past with my friend?
Q. When my wife and I got together she just come out a brief relationship with a friend of mine,he was known as a bit of a player i was relatively inexperienced at sex where my wife was very experienced and very good at sex,when I asked my wife about ...
A. 25 February 2013: If you keep thinking about this, you will drive yourself nuts. I think if you want your marriage to work out you MUST forget about it. By now, this should be ancient history and you married the woman (hopefully knowing this). If this was going to ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with our second child but now he's hardly talking to me
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years ad we have a daughter who is currently one. We had her kinda early in our relationship but we both agreed that was fine. Now pregnant again and after I got pregnant he stopped wanting to touch ...
A. 24 February 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are fairly young and if he is the same age as you, he could be drowning with the thought of supporting you and now two children. It can be a daunting task to support a family of 2 at that age.
... (read in full...)
16 weeks pregnant and my Bf is acting distant. What can I do? He's not affectionate now. It's made me feel lonely.
Q. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I'm 28 y/o. 5 years ago I was* married and had 2 miscarriages. I found out that my (now ex husband ) was cheating on me so I filed for divorce. Now, after years of thinking id never be lucky enough to get pregnant aga...
A. 24 February 2013: I think your boyfriend is going through a very emotional time right now.
Let's look at things through his perspective:
1) Your relationship is still very new. If you've been together less than a year and your are 4 months pregnant, he may... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this unhappy situation? He says a divorce will be worse on the kids than us being unhappy.
Q. I have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids under 10. My husband and I dated for 6 years before getting married. I am absolutely miserable in my marriage. My husband is emotionally abusive...a true narcissist. It has taken me too long and ...
A. 24 February 2013: Please accept my sympathies for the situation you are in. I can only imagine the pain and hurt you are going through.
That being said, it sounds like you do have some thinking to do:
1) Your husband is correct: your children will suffer emot... (read in full...)
For how long am I expected to work at making this work?
Q. Hi. I have some relationship probelms, including my bf's financial probelms, having to bail him out, the nagging ex wife and massive fights he has with her and so on. She even sent me thretening messages. We don't live together so althogh I get ...
A. 24 February 2013: Ex wives are like bad rashes: they don't go away easily. This is doubly true if he has kids with her.
It sounds like, at least from your brief description, that your boyfriend has a load of troubles. Money problems don't go away on their own unle... (read in full...)
My fiancee sometimes doesn't know his limits on drinking. Not sure when to interfere.
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years. His drinking has been an issue in the past but not for the last year or so. He's not an alcoholic but when he does indulge he becomes irate very easily. He went out for drinks with his male coworkers ...
A. 21 February 2013: An alcoholic doesn't necessarily drink every day. An alcoholic -- or even someone who has a problem drinking -- doesn't know when to say when. You dance around the subject in your post (you refer to his problem drinking in the past), but I suspect ... (read in full...)
We moved in too soon. How can I appease his fears?
Q. Hi, I'd like some advice on how to go from here. I have been going out with my bf for 5 months. He is 31 and I am 30. I am his first girlfriend. Basically for the last 30 years, he has been living in a coocoon because of his shyness. A year before i ...
A. 21 February 2013: Yes I would agree that you probably did move in too soon. Especially if he didn't have any previous experience.
There are really only two solutions here:
1) If things are going well, reiterate with him how well things are going, and encou... (read in full...)
Worried that this relationship is unhealthy but I can't leave!
Q. My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married, but we've had a lot of problems. In the beginning, he was verbally abusive to both myself and his daughter. I told him not to talk to me like that and he's stopped. He's become a new man and he says nic...
A. 21 February 2013: Something is definitely odd with your relationship. There are so many red flags going off right now and I can definitely see why you are concerned.
A lot of guys quit drinking to please their woman. However, once the wedding ring goes on they rev... (read in full...)
I overheard my husband saying he wish I would lose weight. Now I feel sad and like absolute crap!
Q. I don’t know what to do. It all started New Year’s Eve, my husband and I were at his company’s party and I went to grab him another drink. As I was walking back, I saw my husband and one of his employees talking, when I walked up behind my husband ...
A. 20 February 2013: Your husband's betrayal at the party is definitely a proverbial kick in the pants. I would feel bad about it too if I were on the receiving end of it.
I am glad, though, that you took some course of action by exercising and eating better. ... (read in full...)
Why can't my husband get an answer from his doctor about him having erectile dysfunction?
Q. How common is that, that a man cant get an answer from his doctor why does he have erectile dysfunction? My husband has a bad case of ED and total lack of desire. He went to the doctor, and he dint find anything wrong with him, from medical per...
A. 20 February 2013: Men, in their 40's do suffer from ED. It happens and it is fairly common. It also happens to women too, except it is called menopause.
There could be a variety of reasons for a lack of sex drive in men:
1) Something physically wrong... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend 6 months ago - what do I do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 months now, but 5 months into our relationship I kissed another guy. I feel so awful and sad that I've done something so despicable to someone that I love so much and who is so wonderful and caring. I ...
A. 20 February 2013: I think the seriousness of the crime doesn't match the guilt you are feeling. Sure you cheated and you had a brief indiscretion, but from the sounds of it, it was just that: a mistake and it was only a kiss (at least from your description)
Look,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's family hates me and are constantly putting me down. I don't know what to do...
Q. My boyfriend's family are very judgmental and take any benign and often positive information they can dig about me and put a negative spin on it. They twist reality in such a way so that nothing I say or do is good enough. If they hear anything ...
A. 19 February 2013: Unfortunately, it sounds like his parents' negativity is already coming into the picture. Like a bad rash, your boyfriend's parents are tough to get rid of. And when things are bad it can put a damper on your relationship.
My question is what ... (read in full...)
My fiance keeps asking me if I love him. Whats really going on?
Q. My fiance keeps asking if I love him. He will ask, Do you "really" love me? Then he asks if I am living with him because I have no other place to go. Btw-I've got the means to go anywhere. I am here because I want to be with him. Then he will ...
A. 19 February 2013: It sounds like his past is catching up with his present. When guys have been taken advantage of in the past, by multiple women, they assume all women are gold diggers. I think you have to understand his point of reference here... he is merely ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems repulsed by my weight loss and breast size being smaller
Q. I was 14lbs heavier when I met my boyfriend and I'm losing weight quickly through stress that I'm experiencing at the moment. Well I've always had big boobs and I'm now a uk size 10 and they're 34 e, he doesn't like it because they're getting ...
A. 19 February 2013: Everybody has different tastes in physical appearance. Most guys are visual and put a higher emphasis on appearance than women (at least so I am told). Some guys like plus-sized women, just like some like thinner women.
It is unfortun... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is torn between two households. Is time and space the answer?
Q. my bf and I have been together for a year seeing each other everyday since we met doing everything together never really having any major disagreements. we both have children from ex marriages and have been going through custody battles his parents ...
A. 19 February 2013: It sounds like your boyfriend is certainly struggling with balancing his love life and his obligations to his parents AND his children. He could be coming to grips with how to date and still make his children (and job) the #1 priority in his life. ... (read in full...)
I know I should be relieved to be out of the relationship but I just feel so down!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 yrs broke up with me saying i was nagging him all the time and he had enough with me. He was the one who was verbally and emotionally abusive all the time and calls me nagging even if i call him once a day. I know i should...
A. 19 February 2013: Please accept my condolences. Three years is a long time to invest in someone and I know exactly what you are going through.
Believe me, your feelings are normal... the main person that had been in your life is now gone and there is a certain ... (read in full...)
Should I ignore the comment my older boyfriend made about me wanting to be in bed with both him and his son?
Q. I'm upset about a "joke" that my boyfriend made today. My boyfriend is much older than i am ( he is 21 years older than i am, and i am only a year and a half older than his son!). He hasn't seen his son much though since his son was four years old. ...
A. 19 February 2013: I don't think his comment is a deal breaker, but suffice to say that he put his foot in his mouth. His comment certainly wasn't very kind and if he apologized, hopefully he learned something that when it comes to sex, it isn't something to joke ... (read in full...)
Single mom finds it hard to date again.
Q. I'm scared I will never meet anyone. Not in a hurry, currently getting out of an abusive marriage. However, I'm scared that I will never meet anyone now. I'm 31, I have a child, and I work out of my home. I've never left my child with a sitte...
A. 17 February 2013: Yes, being a single mom is challenging, especially finding another guy. Trust me when I say this -- you will love again and you will find someone. However, it may not be on your ideal time line...
Be patient! There are plenty of good guys out... (read in full...)
Separated husband claims he is always sick the weekend he is to spend time with our son!
Q. Currently separated, heading for divorce. Have a two year old. No formal custody arrangement, we've been able to try to communicate and work out visits with his Dad corresponding with best interests of child. I've been very open to child spendin...
A. 17 February 2013: First accept my sympathies for what you are going through. This is a very trying time in your life and it can be very stressful -- especially working with a husband who seems to want to cut all ties to you and his child.
Secondly, your husband ... (read in full...)
I cheated after he lied, and then I found out he cheated first. He won't forgive me. Help!
Q. So long story as short as possible: Last month I found out (through snooping) that my boyfriend of three years was using cocaine last year, and I found a bag of prescription drugs in his belongings. When I found the cocaine he called me a nosy ...
A. 16 February 2013: Your relationship sounds like it is out of control:
1) You cheated -- because you were upset. Instead of dealing with it like adults you ruined his friendship with his friend, and you lost any moral ground you had to stand on. If I was him, I'd... (read in full...)
Has my ex husband changed or is this a threat?
Q. I have an abusive ex husband who I've recently left, and he really wants to get back together -he's out to a new place for work and has sent this to me - what does this email below mean? Has he really changed or is this a threat or why is he sending ...
A. 16 February 2013: I agree with the other answers here: he is trying to lure you back in. It would also appear that he still loves you and is using the fact that "you can work things out" and that he is living in paradise to lure you back.
10 months is still to... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 16 February 2013: I am glad you are taking a step in the right direction. Hopefully your therapist will be able to uncover what is really going on.
Also, I know you are angry and frustrated but take a look at the language you used in your post: "confron... (read in full...)
He tells me it is my fault that he abuses me. What causes people to become abusive? And is the receiver of the abuse to blame?
Q. Dear Cupid Why do people become abusive after being few years in a relationship. Is this abuser's fault? Or the fault of the person being abused? My bf of 3 years was good to me for 2 years but now has become so emotionally abusive. I cry m...
A. 16 February 2013: I am going to agree with the other responders here: your boyfriend is manipulating you into believing it is your fault. That is part of the game plan by him: whether intentional or not, and by making you the perpetrator rather than the victim.
... (read in full...)
Eight years of marriage and my husband never surprises me with gifts
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs. He never gets me gifts for anything. Not anything when i gave birth to our child! As a matter of fact this year for valentines day we were at a store and as we passed the cards he tol dme if I...
A. 16 February 2013: If after 8 years of marriage, your husband doesn't get you surprise gifts after you've told him then I think you have your answer. Your husband isn't into gift giving. Some guys are like that: we assume that if you want something you'll get it for ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't seem to want anything to do with me on Valentines Day. what should I do?
Q. Ever since I turned 12, I have always dreamed of celebrating Valentines Day with someone special. I never even had a boyfriend until I was 18. I never thought it would take seven years to be able to spend the day with someone I love. Now I'm marr...
A. 16 February 2013: Sounds like your husband didn't get the message on how you want to celebrate Valentine's Day. Sometimes guys -- especially younger ones -- are clueless.
Let me ask you... did you try and turn the tables on him? If during playing computer... (read in full...)
Should I go back to the social club where I met my ex?
Q. Hope you guys can help. I recently moved to a new city and joined a social club to meet and make new friends. Within weeks I started dating a guy who was a regular at the club. We were together for 6 weeks when I broke it off. I then took a b...
A. 16 February 2013: You could go back but do expect it to be uncomfortable -- especially so soon after your break up. I remember I had a hard time going back to a night club where I met my first girlfriend. Seeing her dancing with other guys was like a dagger in my ... (read in full...)
The romantic Valentines dinner and surprise turned out to be a stirfry on the sofa and an iTunes voucher! Am I right to be upset?
Q. So it was Valentine's Day yesterday and my boyfriend said I would be getting a 'romantic meal and a surprise'. I was quite excited and made plans for the rest of the day to show him how much I love him which he really enjoyed (like horse riding and ...
A. 16 February 2013: It certainly sounds like he let you down. I've been there when our expectations aren't met.
However, your boyfriend is in the army and I suspect that his financial situation isn't the best. He probably did what he could... and if his monetary... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 15 February 2013: Sorry to hear about his reaction to Valentine's Day. I know how heart breaking that can be.
Again, I can't state this strongly enough: If you want to make a change in your relationship you are going to have to take some action. Valentin... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 15 February 2013: It would appear that his lack of sex interest in you coincides with the time he came home from Afghanistan. I would tend to think this fact is definitely related.
1) Have you done anything I suggested? Looked at the books, had a heart-to... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 14 February 2013: There could be lots of things going on:
1) He is getting older. Men in their 40's often time lose testosterone and their sex drives can dwindle to nothing at all. He is probably out of shape too, especially if all he does is play video games an... (read in full...)
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