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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Why can't I see my husband's computer screen? Why is everything a secret?
Q. My husband and I had to live apart last year after he lost his job. He admits to having girlfriends while he was away. Now he is always reading twitter on his Ipad, and when I asked if could see what he was laughing about, he went ballistic. He ...
A. 23 November 2012: Please accept my sympathy for your situation.
It certainly sounds like you have bigger problems than not being able to see his computer screen.
Your husband has definitely checked out of the marriage and to me, I think he is trying to gather... (read in full...)
How can I carry on knowing he cheated on me for revenge, when nothing ever happened with me and my ex? Should I call it a day?
Q. Don't really know where to start with this but ill just give it a shot. Basically I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he cheated on me at the beginning and I forgive him. The problem is the girl he had his affair with would not let it go an...
A. 20 November 2012: There is a lot of bad history here and whether your boyfriend was being honest / truthful when he was drunk (or just vile) remains to be seen. I am sure there is some level of truth in his drunken words, however. Sadly, what he said cannot be ... (read in full...)
What is going on with the married man I'm involved with?
Q. I am involved with a married man who came on strongly via email and text. He has a very stressful time consuming job, but found time to spend with me on the phone, and write long romantic letters. We have seen each other twice. At the beginning, he ...
A. 20 November 2012: It sounds like he realizes where this relationship is going. He obviously has feelings for you and he senses that you are falling for him as well.
Unfortunately, he knows that he can't leave his wife because of his children / commitme... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't accept that I have to communicate with my baby's daddy. How can I get this to work?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just separated over the fact that I have to communicate with my baby's daddy. He feels that I am to only speak to him when it comes to the child face to face and not over the phone. I told him how this would be when my baby ...
A. 20 November 2012: I don't see your relationship working out with your boyfriend.
When a woman has a child with a previous partner, that partner will be involved with that woman for at least the next 20 years. More so, when the child is young. The parents need to ... (read in full...)
FWB: Is there anything I can do to make him commit or should I call it quits?
Q. So i hear friends with benefits dosent work and i am not usually the type to be involved in one but i think i got myself stuck in it! So there is this guy i have met threw a mutual friend and we kinda hit it off from the start and were flirting back ...
A. 20 November 2012: Sounds like you got a little more than what you have bargained for.
At this point, you are free to see anyone you want. He is likely seeing other women as this point too and you may be just one of many. He has been straight up with you in terms... (read in full...)
Why can't I see my husband's computer screen? Why is everything a secret?
Q. My husband and I had to live apart last year after he lost his job. He admits to having girlfriends while he was away. Now he is always reading twitter on his Ipad, and when I asked if could see what he was laughing about, he went ballistic. He ...
A. 20 November 2012: Wow, you let your husband have girlfriends while he was out on his own? Where did that deal come from?
It sounds like you busted your husband and he is more than likely carrying on with some of his old flames. The fact that he reacted so viole... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a 58 year old man to change?
Q. Do you think it's possible for a 58 year old male to change? I, 50, have had a high/low relationship with him for 9 months. The highs are wonderful, but then he will flip out over nothing (this last time was the tv remote) and end the ...
A. 20 November 2012: People do have angry spells, even if though didn't have rotten childhoods.
What you don't tell us is the extent of his anger. Was he just tired? Frustrated? Did he hurt you? Did he take out his frustrations on you? Did he verbally last out... (read in full...)
I'm have sexual problems with my Bf and if I try to discuss it he gets sulky - so should I stay?
Q. Ok, this is a bit complicated but I will try my best... I am 30 and have a boyfriend who is 32. We have been together for a year and a half now. Started as friends and FWB and it wasn't supposed to go further then that but we get along very w...
A. 19 November 2012: The bottom line here is you need to make a decision and there really isn't an easy answer.
It sounds like the two of you have a decent connection and you've obviously invested serious time in one another. However, reading between the lines of... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's constant need to always be right about everything is really putting me down.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We are in our late twenties. We have our good and bad times, but other that than the relationship is good, and I love him very much. We have quite a few issues to work on together, one of which is that we are ...
A. 19 November 2012: I see a lot of red flags and fireworks going off in regards to your relationship. The fact that you are hear posting about indicates to me that you are concerned about it too.
Communication is a key component in any relationship. When he shuts... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the nicest guy when he's not drinking!
Q. My boyfriend is a British soldier who has served in Afghanistan twice and Iraq I know he has seen some terrible things as my brother is also in the army with him and has told me some of the horrors they've witnessed including their best friend being ...
A. 19 November 2012: The short answer is that you cannot cure your boyfriend's alcoholism by yourself.
If you want your boyfriend to get help, I suggest that you enlist his parents and perform some sort of intervention with him. His drinking, from what you have tol... (read in full...)
He says he sees no future for us! So what the hell is wrong with me that I can't leave him?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm with a guy for 2 years, I love him, he says he does love me but also says there is no future for us since he does not want to be married to someone older than him for 5 years. 1) often talks about his marriage and talks abou how b...
A. 19 November 2012: One of the twisted things about love and relationships is that the misery of being "alone" and "single" is often less painful than being with someone who doesn't love you.
What you are experiencing is completely normal. You certainly have inv... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for not wanting to date men with financial problems? My parents say I'll never find anyone!
Q. I m being told for the past few years that I my attitude is wrong toward men and their financial situation. What do you think after I tell you my story? I m a professional woman with a good job that let's me have. Comfortable life with a ni...
A. 18 November 2012: I am going to agree with you 100% in your assessments of not dating men with financial problems.
Money is often a deal breaker in marriages. Some of the top reasons for divorce are sex (a lack of) or money problems.
I think you are being ex... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't get me a gift for my birthday! Am I being selfish and demanding?
Q. Yesterday was my 25th birthday. And my boyfriend of almost a year didn't get me anything. No flower. No card. No gift. He's 33 years old, has a good job and can certainly afford it. We went to Chili's for dinner, and I waited all night for him to ...
A. 18 November 2012: I am going to agree with So Very Confused. If you love your boyfriend, and you want to make him happy, I think your gift should express what you can afford and what will make him happy. True giving is giving without the expectation of return.
... (read in full...)
My brother in law is on drugs and we want to help, but he has said he is in love with me. Would inviting him here help or make things worse?
Q. My brother in law has went off the deep end with drugs. He's lost his job, no money, his mom and brother kicked him out. He's alone and messed up. My husband (his brother) and I want to help him. I've called around to rehabs and im trying to find ...
A. 17 November 2012: If he needs a place to stay and you feel you must support him, I would encourage you to set up these rules. If he breaks the rules just once, you and your husband must have the courage to send him packing:
1) Absolutely no drugs AND alcohol ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is selfish for not giving me longer foreplay
Q. I've complained to my boyfriend that he is a selfish lover for not giving me longer foreplay. I even stopped giving him sex because he only sucks my breasts for less than a min. He says that i am too demanding, but he wants me to grab his balls or ...
A. 17 November 2012: I am sorry to hear about your plight.
If your boyfriend is a lazy lover, and you've expressed your frustrations with him, than I think he is unlikely to change. You may want to think twice about what you are doing with such a man. Sex is a key... (read in full...)
Is he gambling? Having an affair? Something's wrong and I know he's been lying to me.
Q. I think I'm at my wits' end with my husband. We've had issues for a few years now (he was emotionally abusive towards my children and I), and went to counseling for it. He was told to get on meds for his temper. He did. However, that was back in...
A. 17 November 2012: It is hard to determine what he is up to, but it definitely sounds like he has some mental health issues. I am pretty sure you'd notice if he was drinking excessively. Drugs are certainly a possibility and I would suspect you'd notice him smelling ... (read in full...)
He wants us to last-but he doesn't give me the affection I truly need!
Q. Hello to all of you and thank you very much for your answers. Well, my problem is that I'm actually going out with a person who is not very affectionate with me. We are still early in our relationship and we would not have sex for many days. This ...
A. 17 November 2012: It sounds like you have answered your question yourself.
You can't see yourself with a guy who doesn't show affection and yet at the early stages of your relationship, when in theory you shouldn't be able to keep your hands off one another,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't get me a gift for my birthday! Am I being selfish and demanding?
Q. Yesterday was my 25th birthday. And my boyfriend of almost a year didn't get me anything. No flower. No card. No gift. He's 33 years old, has a good job and can certainly afford it. We went to Chili's for dinner, and I waited all night for him to ...
A. 17 November 2012: This sounds like it was your first birthday together as a couple and I am going to chalk this one up to him not knowing what you really expected on your birthday. Guys are NOT mind-readers and if you give off the impression that it is a trivial day ... (read in full...)
My brother in law is on drugs and we want to help, but he has said he is in love with me. Would inviting him here help or make things worse?
Q. My brother in law has went off the deep end with drugs. He's lost his job, no money, his mom and brother kicked him out. He's alone and messed up. My husband (his brother) and I want to help him. I've called around to rehabs and im trying to find ...
A. 17 November 2012: I would strongly encourage you NOT to bring your brother in law in your house. If he is messed up on drugs and sending you lovey/dovey messages, he may be thinking that your willingness to help him means you have a secret crush on him. You would ... (read in full...)
Child's father's wife is trying to raise my child!
Q. Hello, My problem is with my child's father's wife. I don't mind her being a part of my child's life because that is his child. The problem is that when it comes to communicating with him about our daughter, she speaks as though she is the father. I ...
A. 17 November 2012: First off, I would encourage you to get your child support problems in order. Don't punish the child by withholding her from her father. The person you hurt the most is the child, not the father. Contact your lawyer or state board to garnish his ... (read in full...)
Why do men distance themselves when they are so into you?
Q. Hi all, My question is about why men distance themselves when they are so into you? I know for sure he likes me so much, but always keeps a guard up with me. He is shy and talks and acts nervous around me. He is 39 so not a boy. By now he should ...
A. 17 November 2012: I think in many ways you have answered your question in your original post: you've clearly stated that he is shy and nervous.
My guess is that he has a social hangup with dealing with women -- especially ones he is attracted to.
I think you c... (read in full...)
How do you go from a drug fueled intense relationship to something normal? Am I weird for still wanting my ex?
Q. My life is going a bit out of control. My ex got me into taking drugs. When we took this we had such incredible sex, sometimes for 8 hours. I'm not saying its his fault that I took them because everyone can make up their minds about taking things. I ...
A. 17 November 2012: I think given enough time you may realize what you had was an illusion of happiness.
While you say the drugs didn't effect your day to day life, you have to face the facts that eventually it WOULD affect your life. The honeymoon phase of drugs... (read in full...)
Never asked a girl out, should I feel bad?
Q. I'm turning 21 years old on Sunday and it's been dawning on me lately that I've never asked out a girl ever. And I'm feeling a little pathetic about it. In high school, I was seen as different from a lot of the other kids due to my unique intere...
A. 16 November 2012: You are going through EXACTLY what I went through when I was your age. For guys your age, it can be hard to find a girlfriend and I am willing to bet that most of your friends (or acquaintances) don't really have girlfriends. When you are single, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become aggressive since we had a baby. Do I leave him or find out what he's acting this way?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years...hes been a rock in my life..but since our baby arrived 18 months ago his shown me an aggressive side to his nature and recentely that aggression has gone on me...what do i do ...hes becoming a monster ...
A. 16 November 2012: First off, if you are in danger -- real physical danger -- you need to get out TODAY. Hotheads like your boyfriend keep pushing the envelope until one day they go a little too far. You,or your child, could wind up severely hurt or even dead. On ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend changing his mind so frequently?
Q. Why do some men change thier minds all time about what they want? My bf and I started living together again after splitting up for 9 mths. He hated living on his own and wanted to be family again with me and our 2 kids. He came back and had all ...
A. 16 November 2012: Sounds like he came back to you because he needed a place to stay for a while.
Your relationship sounds like it comes and goes. You guys have broken up, made two children, and yet it sounds like you haven't made a permanent commitment to one a... (read in full...)
How can I stop worrying about my girlfriend when she goes out? She tends to drink too much and not remember what happened....
Q. I’m currently dating a girl who’s a senior at the college I just graduated from, and we are, for this semester, doing a distance relationship. We see each other about once a month, though I have a job lined up near the college for the spring so the ...
A. 16 November 2012: I think what you are feeling is completely normal. And I don't think you can or should convince yourself that you should feel otherwise.
Your girlfriend is playing with fire and it sounds like she may have a problem -- or will have a problem ... (read in full...)
Been depressed and felt nothing for a while now. Can anyone suggest anything that will make me feel...something?
Q. Back in February, I went to the doctors for the first time about depression. It was a huge step for me to face up to it, and I got given anti-depressants. They got increased, and I didn’t feel they were doing much good, so I made the decision to ...
A. 16 November 2012: I've been where you are and I know what you are going through. I fought depression for a long time.
Here are some of things that I find help:
1) Exercise. Even if it is just walking around the block. It releases healthy endorphins and i... (read in full...)
So worried about what will happen if we break up. Will I find anyone else?
Q. I am 28 years old and I think I might lose my first girlfriend. She was the first woman I've ever been with. I lost my virginity to her. But lately we haven't been getting along so well. I'm so worried what will happen if we break up. I may never ...
A. 16 November 2012: I was in a similar situation to you. I was 25, had my first girlfriend and fell head over heels in love. A short while later she basically told me to get lost. She was my first everything.
When it happened, I felt like I wouldn't find love or ... (read in full...)
I'm so jealous of my boyfriend's past relationships.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. But I have some problems. He was my first everything. And Im the fourth girl hes had sex with. It bothers me a lot, I argue over it, I cry at night, I can't sleep, I call him names, I jus ...
A. 15 November 2012: There isn't a quick answer here, except acceptance. What your boyfriend did in the past is beyond his control now and there is nothing you or he can do to change it.
Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine that you and your boyfriend don't work out... (read in full...)
How old were you the first time you had sex? How was it?
Q. Hello I'm curious to know in what age you had first time sex(intercourse), and how was it?...
A. 14 November 2012: I was a late bloomer. I think 25 and probably the most magical night of my life. I was very much in love. Unfortunately she broke my heart a few weeks later.
Eddie... (read in full...)
Having feelings for my ex- do I tell I tell my husband?
Q. I am currently married to a great man with whom I have three children and I also have an older daughter from my first marriage. My older daughter sees her father a lot, and as such, I often see my ex-husband when he comes to pick her up and drop her...
A. 14 November 2012: I think there are some things you aren't telling us in your original question. What would be the purpose of telling either one of them that you love them? Do you think your ex would suddenly want to try again? And what would you gain from telling ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I want to leave the stability of my marriage for this guy, but I don't trust my husband either!
Q. Here's my story. I am married, have been for almost 2 years. We have a 2 year old together. I found out I was pregnant only month after I met my now husband. While I was 6 months pregnant I found out my husband was cheating. I took him back and he ...
A. 14 November 2012: Reading between the lines of your post, you are coming up with all kinds of reasons and justifications in leaving your husband to try things out with this new guy (or atleast seeing him on the side). You've been cheated on (multiple times) and you ... (read in full...)
We had an incredible week long affair and now 3 months later nothing! What happened?
Q. It's the usual affair story....I've been married for 19 years to a good man, hard worker, who would do anything for me. The problem is, he is extremely negative, has no friends, is suicidal at times, is a drinker and his family is rotten. I have ...
A. 14 November 2012: I am sorry you are experiencing the pain and emptiness you must be feeling now. In a sense, you received a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel and now it is gone.
It sounds like the man you spent the weekend with has reconciled with his... (read in full...)
How do I become calmer and become more confident when around the opposite sex?
Q. I'm a girl in my early 20's, who's never dated before or anything. People say I'm attractive so I know my lack of experience with guys is due mostly to low self-confidence and my social anxiety. Anyway, I've noticed that whenever I interact with ...
A. 14 November 2012: I once went through exactly what you've gone through. I was extremely shy, self conscious and nervous around women. About the same age as you I discovered I better get over that fear otherwise I was going to be a virgin the rest of my life.
... (read in full...)
I don't like who I've become....how do I cope with the hurt and pain from my past without becoming bitter and twisted?
Q. I've asked a few questions before about various things but I feel like my life is one big issue at the moment. When I was younger before I had my children I was the kindest sweetest person I wouldn't do anything to hurt anybody else. Well I met a ...
A. 14 November 2012: From the sounds of it, you are still suffering a lot of resentment and anger over your first failed relationship. Your feelings are certainly understandable: You suffered abuse, you were cheated on, you started a family with a drunk, and you were ... (read in full...)
Caught my husband watching porn, what should I do?
Q. dear all, i feel devastated after i caught my husband watching porn and masturbating. we just came back from a vacation in italy and had a blast! im 27 and even though i hav 2 kids i have a good thin body . i. wat happened is that i woke up and w...
A. 14 November 2012: I'll be honest, most (but not all) guys look at porn. Even more guys masturbate regularly. Even those that are happily married and most guys are shy to admit it. Is porn wrong? Probably... Does that mean he is not attracted to you or that there ... (read in full...)
Problems with our sex life, does he need help or is it me with the problem?
Q. hi, i have been married now 12 years, with the same guy for 15 years. our sex life is very difficult, i have a higher sex drive than his, and am never sure if he really wants sexs, he does but its very quick and very one sided, a few kisses, a blow ...
A. 14 November 2012: At your age, assuming your husband is roughly the same age as you, have their sex drive decline. Also, with the length of your marriage, I am sure many aspects of your sex life are routine.
To spice things up, though, you'll likely need to take ... (read in full...)
His ex will never be out of his life, but I'm not going anywhere either because I'm the mother of his child!
Q. ok so yesterday my boyfriend's ex girlfriend called my house looking for him not on a cellphone my actual house phone. so when i asked her who is this she lied and said a different name which is not her name but i knew it was her because of my ...
A. 14 November 2012: Well, first off be patient. If this is a new event, it could quickly blow over. If she senses your hostility or that she has a chance of breaking you and your boyfriend up, she may take advantage of the situation.
Assuming your boyfrien... (read in full...)
I thought my husband has stopped cheating but he hasn't!
Q. i caught mt husband having sex in the house we share and on our bed.i have caught cheating before but thought he stopped.i am confused and dont know what to do....
A. 12 November 2012: It sounds like you are married to a serial cheater. If you've given him an opportunity to mend his ways and he doesn't take advantage of it, then either there is something wrong with him or he isn't getting something from your marriage.
You d... (read in full...)
Is it unusual for married spouses to travel alone?
Q. Just want to get some opinions on that. I m In my 40s with grown children that are independent. I finally got in a stage of my life where we are comfortable with money. I help my husband in our business, but during summer it's slow, so I have ...
A. 12 November 2012: The short answer to your question is "yes" -- it is unusual for married spouses to travel alone. Is there anything wrong with it? No would be my answer.
There is a certain mindset that often accompanies people on travel is that what happens ... (read in full...)
We've known each other two months and he's already relying on me financially
Q. Hello friends, It's only about 2 months that I am in a relationship with this guy. Since, we are coming from different countries and I know how hard it is for such kind of relationship to work, I did not take our relationship seriously. However,...
A. 11 November 2012: With only 2 months into the relationship you are taking FAR too big of a risk with this man. I could see it if you had known each other for a year or two, but you are still getting to know each other and for you to make that sort of commitment when ... (read in full...)
My 54 year old boyfriend ejaculates prematurely
Q. I've met a lovely gentleman. He is 54 and we have been seeing each other for a few months. We are both ready to take the relationship to the next step but when we get down to it he seems to ejaculate within seconds of me touching him. We have tried ...
A. 11 November 2012: Most guys his age can't do it more than once in a short period of time. Sadly, it is one of the curses of age. Also, being that he is older, his control has weakened.
I do agree with shrodingerscat in that you can extend foreplay where he pleas... (read in full...)
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