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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Can a condom cause pain?
Q. Can using a condom make sex more painful? I'm planning sex and I'm on the pill. I'm aware of the STI risks of not using a condom but I don't want to use one if it is going to make anything less pleasurable. ...
A. 24 May 2006: Condoms shouldn't hurt, but rarely people have a latex allergy which can make the whole area sting a lot (you can get non-latex condoms on mail order). I agree with Lisa about using lubricant if it hurts BUT be careful what you use because oil-based ... (read in full...)
Should I go for a younger guy ?
Q. I am 27 and have gotten really close to one of my brother friends - the only problem is he is only 17. We get on so well and he would be my ideal guy if he was older, he says he wants to be with me and the age thing shouldn't matter but I am ...
A. 24 May 2006: I am in an age-gap marriage of 11 years, with me being the older one! My advice would be to hang on and wait for this guy to mature a little bit. At 17, he is probably either in college or trying to establish a career so wait until he has a more ... (read in full...)
Should I call my Spanish Guy ?
Q. i just back from ibiza,while i was out there on the last night i met this spanish guy,he was 25 i', 43 we got on well but he couldnt talk much english.he gave me his number,now back in the uk i'm thinking should i give him a ring or not and what ...
A. 24 May 2006: Send him a text message asking if he wants to keep in touch. If he doesn't understand English then he can ask someone to translate OR you could text him a message (or send him a postcard) already translated in spanish. There are programs on the ... (read in full...)
My husband was using online dating sites but he got caught
Q. while i was taping an account name into my computor a list of previous names typed in on my computor came up, i had to double take because a porno/horny type name came up with my husbands name in it, i instantly kicked him out but he denyed knowing ...
A. 24 May 2006: I understand that you must be feeling really hurt and betrayed at the moment, but you also have to thank your blessings as you found out by yourself - if he is still in denial about the whole thing then he probably would never have confessed this to ... (read in full...)
He likes me shaved, but it hurts....what can I do?
Q. My bf has a shaved pussy fetish. I met his needs, but it bleeds a lot when i shave and it stings. I want to keep it up for him though. What do i do? ...
A. 23 May 2006: I am hearing 'you met his needs' rather than 'you met your own needs'. This shaving thing just has to be open to debate and negotiation? Ingrowing hairs may be giving you that itchy feeling but if the skin is really red then it could mean you have ... (read in full...)
I wish I was skinnier as I would be more attractive then
Q. Hi. I have a problem. I believe that if i become skinnier that people will become more attracted to me. I am 5 7" age:16 and i weigh 137 pounds. so i have started to become bulimic i dont do it everyday though just when i feel like i have eating too ...
A. 23 May 2006: Being attractive definitely isn't about being thin - that is just a media view on the matter! People who are obsessive about their weight are just not much fun to be around as they don't want to eat socially, and don't have the energy for living a ... (read in full...)
I am dating a homeless guy with anger problems
Q. I'm having real trouble with this guy with behavioural problems that i'm seeing. His parents kicked him out because he broke his stepdad's jaw in a fight. His mum won't let him come home unless he starts taking the drugs the doctor prescribed to ...
A. 23 May 2006: The guy needs professional help to address his anger problems, and you have adopted the role of social worker as much as being his lover. You must step back and not get too involved until he sorts himself out. If you really like the guy, point him ... (read in full...)
My wife has post-natal depression, help
Q. my 23 year old wife gave birth 3 months ago to our second,she was diagnosed with pnd and now she has left me 5 weeks later saying she doesnt love me is pnd the cause if so what do i do...
A. 23 May 2006: However hurtful it may feel at the moment you have to remember that your wife is under the influence of the depression, and with treatment it can pass by and she can get back to herself. However, she needs professional help for this all too common ... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to get over a broken heart...
Q. What is the best way to get over a broken heart and all the pain?...
A. 23 May 2006: You cannot heal a broken heart simply but you can distract yourself a lot while you recover. Get yourself busy so you are not thinking about the love rat. Exercise is good as endorphins make you feel better generally, but maybe a good holiday or ... (read in full...)
Did he mean no when he said yes?
Q. I have really fallen for this guy that I met a few weeks ago, I dont know him very well but from what I do know he seems like a really lovely guy! I asked him out a few days ago and he said yes!! but now im thinking maybe he only said yes because it ...
A. 23 May 2006: You will find out if he is really into you or not after a few dates. Just go out with him and try to have fun, and not think about the whole situation too much. If you drift apart then you just weren't meant to be, but as a rule of thumb no one is ... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to dance!
Q. this is a different question to relationships. how do u dance lol? i know its a strange question but i am a 15 year old gal and i dont know how to dance. i want to be able to dance so when i start going to night clubs i wont just be standing there. ...
A. 23 May 2006: Don't worry about it too much as many people cannot dance. You should just watch what other people are doing on the dancefloor if you are not sure. If you are really worried about it, join a dance class as I am sure there will be something going ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I am stupid and it is not true
Q. My boyfriend treats me like a child, the kind that should be seen and not heard. He likes to talk to me about his subject, science, which is great, but ignores me when I want to talk to him about something I know that he doesn't. When we're i...
A. 23 May 2006: He is insecure about his own abilities really, and makes himself feel better by putting you down and patronising you. Relationships should be about equals really and he is the real 'child' in your relationship. He demonstrates his scientific ... (read in full...)
What turns on teenage boys to girls?
Q. just wondering. can i have some boys opinions. what turns a 16 year old teenage boy on about a girl?...
A. 23 May 2006: ...a pulse :-)... (read in full...)
How will the debt he ran up "being a batchelor" affect our shared finances?
Q. Can i take on his debt? My boyfriend and i have been through a troubled 5 months. Earlier in the year he decided he'd had enough of being a family and wanted to enjoy himself, and live the batchelor life for a while. Throughout this time he ran up ...
A. 23 May 2006: I can answer this question from two points of view. About ten years ago I used to work in housing welfare services and heard many debt stories such as the one you have posted. From a personal perspective, I used to live with a man who had similar ... (read in full...)
Do boys want to have sex with someone they love??
Q. do teenage boys want to have sex wiv someone they love or dont they care? do they just want it wiv anyone on their first time?...
A. 23 May 2006: It depends on the individual really. But you shouldn't confuse sex with love. You can have a loving relationship without sex, and you can definitely have sex without a loving relationship. I don't even believe that most teens can know what love ... (read in full...)
I slept with my bfs best friend!!
Q. I slept with boyfriends best friend and my boyfriends other friend saw us and told him. I denied doing anything and then gave in a bit by bit I told him the truth. I never meant it to happen and I regret it, my boyfriend says I only regret getting ...
A. 23 May 2006: It is not all your fault - although that is probably not an excuse. Your boyfriend's best friend should share equal blame as it sure takes two to tango, and he is hardly his 'best' friend if he does this. Whatever your reasons for sleeping with him, ... (read in full...)
So tired from work that I don't have energy enough for sex!
Q. My boyfriend says I don't love him anymore. I have a full time job which has different hours. He has his own business from home, so he's more at home than me. Most of the time I'm exhausted from work and our sex life is being affected. Sometimes ...
A. 23 May 2006: Your boyfriend is being selfish, and relationships should be equal so you probably need to address that by talking to him. You should remember that when he says you don't turn him on anymore, what he really means is that he is scared you don't fancy ... (read in full...)
What career should i choose?
Q. I am studying to become an engineer , but if I have to be sincere I suck, I have always got good grades but since I started at the university I hadn’t been able to get good grades , I am failing most of my courses. I am studying engineer because ...
A. 23 May 2006: University courses contain people who are naturally good at their subject, and people who struggle but work really hard to keep up. I have worked in the University sector for many years including lecturing nursing, social work and medical students. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheats and treats me badly
Q. ive been with this boy for well over a year now and he says hes mad about me and loves me but he keeps doing things to hurt me, hes got with other girls, sent me a pic with him and 2 naked girls, send me pics of girls (not their faces!)tryd getin ...
A. 22 May 2006: Your boyfriend doesn't treat you badly...you let him treat you badly. It is just about self respect at the end of the day and it is ok to forgive someone for minor stuff, but he just doesn't sound like a very nice person if he is trying it on with ... (read in full...)
He says that sex with me is rubbish
Q. ive only slept with one guy my boyfriend and he has always said how good the sex is really good but then he just says its got rubbish and used to be good but ive got big (if u get what i mean) but then he will come back to me still and want to have ...
A. 22 May 2006: Sex is important to a relationship but it is not the sole basis of the relationship. I don't think you will be that 'big' unless you have had lots of children! Either way, sex and relationships is rather more than about the size of your personal ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps treating me badly and cheating
Q. guys and girls advice needed!there is this guy ive been with for a year and a half now on and off, i really love him and hes my first which makes it even more special i think but he keeps changing his mind about us all the time, he will break up ...
A. 22 May 2006: I think you already know this isn't working out. It is ok to forgive someone once or twice, but if they know you will always forgive them no matter what they can really take advantage...and you let them take advantage. It is just about self ... (read in full...)
My ex owes me money! Can I get it back???
Q. hiya im just wondering is there anyway i can get money back of mt ex that he owes me.I lent him 300ponds back in january i sent him 60pounds through the post in march and payed 60pounds for his phone bill.he always said he would pay me back but now ...
A. 22 May 2006: You could pursue a claim through the small claims court - it doesn't cost a lot of money to file a claim, and the whole procedure is rather straight forward. There are also debt collecting agencies that will make calls upon him for the money he owes ... (read in full...)
Its dry down south this summer!
Q. I get really sexually aroused when attempting to have sex with my boyfriend, but so far we have not succeeded as I don't seem to get "wet" at all! Is there any other way than to use lubricants??...
A. 21 May 2006: One cause of your symptoms is a hormone imbalance (many women on the menopause have dryness because of their declining female hormones, but it affects younger ladies too). I used to work in a family planning clinic about ten years ago and I can ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends eyes dilate during sex
Q. When I make love with my boyfriend I notice that his pupils really dilate when he's just about to orgasm. I've asked him if mine do and he says no.I thought that maybe it was because it was dark. However the other day in full daylight his pupils ...
A. 21 May 2006: Pupil dilation is very normal during sex, as the blood vessels open up. People have involuntary dilation when they are looking at someone they are attracted to, but it is also connected to sexual excitement. However, you are also right that ... (read in full...)
Am I nothing more than a sex partner to my BF?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and he is the one I lost my virginity to. Well see, we have fun and all hanging out and stuff, but when we are alone he is a complete nympho. As soon as we finish having sex he wants to do it ...
A. 21 May 2006: Your sex life is negotiable, and if you don't feel like having a sexual marathon tell him to back off. Just do what you are comfortable doing. He takes you out and pays you compliments so he seems to have more than a physical interest in you. ... (read in full...)
Can you be "too young" to get married?
Q. Is there an age too young to get married by other peoples' perspective? Just wondering :)...
A. 21 May 2006: I kinda agree with the bunny. There is no right or wrong age for marriage (just take a look at the number people who hurdle through life with marriage after marriage to see that!). The problem with marrying young is that you won't generally have ... (read in full...)
Do boys prefer the natural look or makeup on girls
Q. ello i am 15 years of age and just wondering, do boys prefer the natural look or girls that wear make up?...
A. 21 May 2006: In my opinion it is not about what the man prefers, but is entirely up to your personal preference. Some ladies find makeup gives them a little more confidence (whatever the rights or wrongs of that!). Lets face it, going out looking like Ronald ... (read in full...)
Two drinks a month isn't excessive, surely? My boyfriend thinks so...
Q. My boyfriend won't compromise with me. He wants me to be completely sober or he won't marry me. It's not like I have a drinking problem either. I drink VERY infrequently. Maybe 1-2 times a month. I enjoy a glass or two of wine. I've gone out to r...
A. 21 May 2006: This is symptomatic of a bigger control problem that you should definitely address in your relationship. Your partner may disapprove of your drinking but he doesn't then have the right to hold it against you in terms of the relationship. Remember ... (read in full...)
I fancy my friends ex
Q. Im not sure what to do beacuse my friend dumped her boyfriend a few weeks ago because she realised she didn't fancy him, the relationship only lasted 4 weeks though. Now I have been getting to know her ex over msn and talking when we see each other ...
A. 20 May 2006: It really depends on how much you value your friendship with your girl-friend really! Personally I think there are lots of nice boys out there, but girl friendship that is great and should be treasured. She maybe very unhappy with you if she finds ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated when he was drunk...was it his fault?
Q. i am 16 and never been drunk. do people know what they are doing when they are drunk? cos my bf cheated on me while he was drunk - one of his mates told me. he said he was SO drunk but he got off with this girl and i dont know if he knew what he was ...
A. 20 May 2006: The effect that alcohol has on the body is to relax you and disinhibit you - that is why adults drink at parties etc (to allow them to socialise with other people). It does not stop you being yourself at the end of the day. I always laugh when ... (read in full...)
I've been feelin really crap about myself recently, and my boyfriend isn't helping..
Q. Dear all, first of all, I've come to the conclusion that I am unhappy in my job.. I have too commute, and walk, and so I spend 12 hours away from home everyday.. So i'm tryin to find another one. Because of the stress of my job, I find I e...
A. 20 May 2006: You are depressed and probably because you are spending so much time at work. Men can be a bit blunt about weight matters sometimes but you maybe feeling overly sensitive because you are tired, depressed etc. The job is probably dragging you down ... (read in full...)
Should I keep texting him???
Q. I asked this guy out and he said yes but I constantly get the urge to text him-when I do text he texts back but he never initiates the text. He would never randomly text me-is it a bad idea for me to be constantly txting him, could it scare him ...
A. 20 May 2006: Call me old-fashioned but I can remember a time when people actually rang each other, and talked on the telephone...rather than texted and emailed. You cannot tell what people really think of you in text messages and it is open to much ... (read in full...)
Lose weight or my boyfriend?
Q. I have a problem...I have been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half years we have a child together. We were young when we got together and my child came along quickly and unplanned. I have always loved him but the past year or so I have been havi...
A. 20 May 2006: You don't sound like you are having a 'happy life' at all. What's more, children pick up on this and since parents are role models it doesn't sound like your man is being a good role model to his child on how to judge people for their personality ... (read in full...)
Feeling the blues
Q. I get so upset alot. I'm young and depressed! Is that normal? It doesn't feel like it, but, I do really well in school, have lots of friends, but get so depressed! When i am depressed i write in my book, or write songs, do art. None of them seem to ...
A. 20 May 2006: Depression has no age limit unfortunately, and I have seen a lot of young people for depression/ anxiety assessments in my clinic (I am a clinical psychologist). Basically distraction through writing etc is a great idea, but if this is really ... (read in full...)
My family don't like my long term boyfriend, help!
Q. MY boyfriend and i have been going out for 5 years.My mom and my sister do not agree with our relationship.They want to send me to New York to forget him.Should i go go New york then to France to see my boyfriend?...
A. 20 May 2006: It is not clear from your post why your family do not like your boyfriend, and only you can decide if their reasons are valid or not. However, you have the right to an independent life, and to make your own life choices with regard to partners etc. ... (read in full...)
Am I not pretty enough? I think I'm only with him as his last resort!
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months so far, but we dated before and broke up. After his ex left him he came back to me and I accepted him back, but something inside me keeps telling me he doesn't like nor love me, and he is just ...
A. 20 May 2006: This comes down to self respect at the end of the day, and people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder, and since you are still in school - trust me - you are going to bloom later in ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my BF might have genital warts!
Q. Hi--my boyfriend noticed a bump or wart on his penis and he told me about it; we aren't sexually active with each other and he's afriad it might be an STD or genital warts and is going to an std clinic on Monday. I am worried about him and the poss...
A. 20 May 2006: You are absolutely right to be worried, but don't be scared to death as HPV is a very common virus. It is actually very many virus types, and only a few strains of the virus are associated with an increased risk of cervical and anal cancer. You ... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with someone online, but he won't come and meet me! It's been a year already...
Q. Hi, I'm 26 female, and I really need help... I met someone online, and I know online chat is only for entertainment and not for a serious one, but this one I am serious. I met someone for the past 1 year and 7 months and I'm sure I love this guy, ...
A. 20 May 2006: Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be going anywhere. He would have made your acquaintance in person by now if he had any intention of doing so. Basically there are a lot of internet dating addicts out there who speak to lots and lots of people ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between his flirting and teasing?
Q. One of my colleague always teasing me but means no harm, I suppose. Anyway,I don't exactly know what's difference between tease and flirt sometimes from his behavior? Besides, we are very good company and have some the same interests. He looks char...
A. 19 May 2006: He probably likes you as he wouldn't waste his time flirting/ teasing if you were not on his mind. Think about little boys at school in the playground...I think they are always horrible to the girls they like the best, and some little boys never ... (read in full...)
Ex is ignoring me BUT I'm PREGNANT by him!!
Q. I was just wondering why ever since I told my ex I'm pregnant by him he has turned nasty, ended are friendship and completly ignores me whan I try to contact him. I dont know what to do....
A. 19 May 2006: He is a coward, and probably too immature to accept fatherhood. He thinks you are trapping him with a baby (I am not saying you are, but he may feel this). You cannot make him change his mind about your friendship but you should just step back and ... (read in full...)
Back with my ex but he still sees another girl, help!
Q. i was with my boyfriend for 2 years and 2months,we recently broke up for 2 months and hes with somebody else, were back in touch and its great were sleeping together again and he keeps telling me hes going to break up with his new girlfriend to be ...
A. 19 May 2006: If he was going to finish with her then he would have done so immediately. At the moment he has his cake and he is definitely eating it. I understand that you must be emotionally upset by the death of your grandmother but you shouldnt let this guy ... (read in full...)
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