My boyfriend is living with a female housemate, is supporting her and I also found out they were involved at one time. Any advice?
Q. I've been with my partner for almost two years and we have a fantastic relationship together apart from one issue that is causing some tension between us. We don't live together, but he lives with a female "housemate" and her son. He financially ...
A. 15 November 2015: I meant to add this sooner, assuming you'll even check for updates.
For him, it's not simply a matter of guilt or feeling sorry for her. There are very real legal considerations here as well.
He may not be the biological father but he has, for ... (read in full...)
My Bf is going on a trip, with his sister, and without me. Do I have a right to be upset?
Q. my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now, and 5 months ago, him and I started planning a trip together. He would come down every weekend, we would look at various places to go, kept checking prices and overall, talked about it all the ...
A. 29 October 2015: If the trip was booked after you two had broken up then what exactly did he do wrong? It's not as if it was booked and he decided to cut you out at the last minute and take someone else instead.
If my boyfriend didn't speak to me for two weeks, I... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is living with a female housemate, is supporting her and I also found out they were involved at one time. Any advice?
Q. I've been with my partner for almost two years and we have a fantastic relationship together apart from one issue that is causing some tension between us. We don't live together, but he lives with a female "housemate" and her son. He financially ...
A. 16 October 2015: The woman is, for all intents and purposes, his common law wife and anyone would be hard pressed to prove otherwise.
There is no future for you, except as a hanger on, I'm afraid. My advice is to cut your losses and move on. ... (read in full...)
The reconcilliation with my mother is pretty rocky
Q. Hello. I asked for advice on March 17th, I think it was, under the title of "Why am I the family villain?". {Moderator note: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-did-i-become-the-family-villian.html} I was spanked as a child for something I did ...
A. 3 October 2015: I'm afraid I'm having a difficult time sympathizing with you. In both of those posts the only great travesty you refer to is a spanking for something you didn't do. Besides that injustice of monumental proportions, it sounds like everything was ... (read in full...)
I get jealous when my girlfriend spends time with other people
Q. Now please don't judge me on this one, I'm very new to this whole situation and I'm really struggling to cope with my emotions. I've been with my girlfriend for about 8 months now and we're very happy being together, even going so far as planning ...
A. 2 October 2015: If she's talking to you for 2-3 hours EVERY DAY, then rest assured you're getting TONS of attention. My hats off to her because I can't think of anyone I want to talk to for that long every single day, no matter how much I love them.
The problem ... (read in full...)
I'm questioning our moral compatability
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm torn, confused, and seeking your comments. I have been dating Mike for 10 months. I moved in with him a month ago and recently found out (two weeks ago) that he is into threesomes. He was invited (8 months ago) to participate with...
A. 2 October 2015: Um...did I read this correctly? Mike received and accepted this invitation 2 months into your relationship? You've been dating for 10 months and he was in negotiations 8 months ago. Right?
Easy enough for me to say this but this is a huge compatib... (read in full...)
Am I being rational or should I go to the wedding he has invited me to attend?
Q. I met a guy online who lives across the country and we have been talking for 3 years. He invited me to a family function, a wedding, in his state. He says he will pay for the plane and stay. We will be meeting for the first time and I am unsure if...
A. 2 October 2015: I agree with Honeypie wholeheartedly.
If you two haven't met in three years of corresponding and there's no date set for either of you to relocate to be together then what exactly is the point of all this?
Why should he choose a keyboard over ... (read in full...)
My wife will not accept apologies. No matter what. What can I do?
Q. I have a wife who rarely apologizes. But more strange to me is that she does not accept my genuine apologies. I am some one who does not have a problem with admitting by faults and working to do better. But my wife of 21 years seems to be stuck on ...
A. 30 September 2015: Not knowing what exactly you're apologizing for makes it difficult to give you an insightful answer. As has been pointed out ramming and repeating 'I'm sorry' 'I SAID I was sorry!' down her throat won't accomplish much.
... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to another mother at the school. I want to make a move, but how?
Q. I have recently met a mother at my children's school. I am so attracted to her. I first met her when I was just coming in from an errand and I was parking my car and then I saw her stop, waiting on me to park. She was one of the most beautiful woman ...
A. 30 September 2015: The fact that she steers each conversation back to business suggests to me she does not want a romantic/sexual liaison with you and that should be reason enough to leave it be.
She might not gay or even bi-sexual. Maybe she is but does not want... (read in full...)
He made a racist remark. How should I respond? I think reporting him will make things worse for me.
Q. Hi all, I'm a 16 year old female that has just started college and is having some issues. I am on a male dominated course and I know a boy on their from my old school. We got on really well at school but now we're at college he's trying everythi...
A. 30 September 2015: Whether his remark was racist or not it was tasteless, but that said, I think you need to pick your battles. Is this guy's opinion that important?
What exactly would you want to have happen if you did report him?
... (read in full...)
He felt me pulling away so he lied to me about where he was!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm newly divorced and have been dating a man for 9'months. He has been separated from his wife for 6 years, filed for divorce 4 years ago and the lawyers still have not reached an agreement. I was initially worried dating him since hi...
A. 28 September 2015: Maintain your dignity and walk away.
The ex, be it a husband or a wife, makes a convenient punching bag. He vents with you but he has to keep some measure of goodwill because she's going to be in his life for a very long time. I'm guessing... (read in full...)
Is this what men are really like in their thoughts and feelings?
Q. I have only had one bf before and I'm just really confused if it is my lack of experience or in fact, what men are. My new bf been with him for over a year. We live together and he tells me how I'm perfect and how much he loves me and wants to be ...
A. 15 September 2015: After reading your post, the word 'grooming' came to my mind as well.
This guy isn't being honest in order to build trust but to keep you on your toes. For him truth is merely a disclaimer so that if he falls back into his old pattern you can't co... (read in full...)
My husband really wants oral sex but I have a terrible gag reflex and just can't do it!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 6. This man is the love of my life and I would, will, am willing, and want to do everything I possibly can to make him happy and to fulfill all his needs, wants, and dreams. I've worked ...
A. 14 September 2015: I want you to take step back a moment, take a deep breath and try to look at this situation more objectively.
You've put considerable time, thought and energy into overcoming your gag reflex so you can perform oral sex on your husband any time he ... (read in full...)
Can my partner be bothered or am I being unreasonable?
Q. hi. am in a LDR of nearly a year. We see each other every other weekend. i am still in the 'in ore' stage and cant my eyes off him etc, but he seems veey settled and it isnt reciprocated. don't get me wrong, he holds my hand, cuddles up...
A. 14 September 2015: Consider this from his perspective for a moment. He's already heard your complaints, now you want him to agree to meet with you in person so he can listen to them again?
The issue, as I understand it, is you think he's not as interested in you a... (read in full...)
Should I ask my boyfriend if he is uncomfortable with my male friend being around so much?
Q. I have a question for Males out there. I have been dating this guy for 5 months, and I completely felt in love with him over the past few months. I recently bought a house and a Male friend is helping with the renovation. My current boyfriend has ...
A. 26 August 2015: How long are these renovations likely to take? Are they on schedule? Will this friend be doing all of them or just certain parts?
Are there things you can do yourself or have someone else do instead of always this one friend? I realise he's... (read in full...)
Am I unusual for wanting to be dressed feminine ?
Q. what do most women think of men who like to wear female clothing? I curiously started wearing bras and panties way back in the 1960's when due to not having enough room in the bedroom shared by my two older sisters some of their clothes were stored ...
A. 24 August 2015: So what are you asking of us?
... (read in full...)
We dated for a year I treated her badly and now she ended things
Q. i am 19 from india and i am really confused!! I was dating a girl for a year and first 2 months was amazing and then later i didn't spend time with her and i was super possessive and i always use to fight with her and when her birthday was there i ...
A. 19 August 2015: Now nothing. It's over. Consider it a lesson learned and move forward with your life. Treat the next woman you da... (read in full...)
My father left everything to my stepmother! How do I cope?
Q. My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was onl...
A. 19 August 2015: Speak to another attorney, one who has had no involvement in this case before now, as has been suggested below.
A lawyer's feedback is not just based on law but on their abilities and degree of confidence. One might be more confident in their ab... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got angry and kicked me in the butt, will the violence escalate?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 20+ years. When we fight, which is not very often, she sometimes gets a bit physical, but I haven't until now. The other day I got mad over something stupid-- she had unplugged the alarm clock to plug in her phon...
A. 18 August 2015: The short answer is, yes, when a bully knows they have a free pass to behave as they choose with few if any impediments in their way, then the violence can escalate.
The only impediment they will recognize and respect is strength. People are divi... (read in full...)
My father left everything to my stepmother! How do I cope?
Q. My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was onl...
A. 18 August 2015: Speak to an attorney, but don't say anything to your stepmother just yet. Do it soon. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend sat naked in front of guys we just met.
Q. My girlfriend and I recently went to a lakehouse with one of her friends. Her friend brought her boyfriend and 2 of his guy friends. We had only met the boyfriend for lunch once and had never met the other two. We stayed there together for 2 ...
A. 18 August 2015: I think you should be thoroughly unimpressed and seriously re-think your interest in her.
She's that desperate for attention that she's coaching others into giving her an opportunity to be naked around them, she puts herself at risk by hanging ... (read in full...)
I broke up my marriage via text, how to pick up the pieces and what to do from here?
Q. I just ended our marriage over the stupidest of things. I was out all day celebrating my moms birthday with my second son. I camme home at 730 to find my dh w a friend over, our kids dirty from playing outside, not bathed or fed dinner and a mess in ...
A. 16 August 2015: It's not necessarily over. Your husband may not have appreciated the tirade but surely he's clever enough and grown up enough to grasp why you were so angry.
Leave him be and carry on as usual. Do NOT beg for anything, as that would only make thi... (read in full...)
I've said something I regret, what do I do now?
Q. Hi I am looking for quick advice about a problem with my boyfriend, I don't know what to do, I've said something to him that i regret and now he isn't speaking to me. I have had intimacy problems with my boyfriend because he is on medication wh...
A. 15 August 2015: You said nothing wrong. Nothing to apologize for.
Let him sulk a while. Don't chase him. ... (read in full...)
Is it appropraite for a guy to bring two of his friends on a first date with a girl?
Q. Is it appropraite for a guy to bring two of his friends on a first date with a girl? I met a guy for the first time on a proper date and he brought two of his male friends like a group date. I told him off straight. I am so angry. Is this even right ...
A. 14 August 2015: Nope. Having your mates tag along on dates (unless they're pre-arranged as double dates for example), especially a first date is very tacky, immature and rather unsettling to the date, particularly a woman, to be outnumbered by a guy and his ... (read in full...)
Should I unfriend and cancel all contact with my ex-boyfriend?
Q. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last April and moved on. But we are still friends on Social Networking Sites. Now I am in relationship with a person who understands me better and is very honest too. I love him very much and is 100% honest to hi...
A. 14 August 2015: That would be the sensible and decent thing to do. You don't need to introduce a big question mark into your new partnership by keeping an ex boyfriend hanging about.
... (read in full...)
His preference for 50:50 on everything is making me feel more like a mate, than really special to him. Is my concern justified?
Q. I have been dating my bf 2 months officially. The first month he was paying for almost everything and I felt like a real lady. Now things have started to be split 50:50. He recently invited me on function with his mates and the cost was $150 pe...
A. 14 August 2015: OP, men likes this only want to split MONEY 50/50. They don't mind if you take on the lion's share of effort and sacrifice.
I totally understand wanting financial security and being fiscally frugal but since his true mistress is money, I recommen... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?
Q. Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...
A. 13 August 2015: That changes nothing. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...
A. 13 August 2015: Tell him to stop watching 'The Secretary' and get a life.
If you're not into this dominant/submissive arrangement then I strongly suggest you get out.
Talk to close trusted family/friends first.
... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?
Q. Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...
A. 12 August 2015: Another vote for the 'no' camp.
You must ensure that your actions CLEARLY support your words. If you want nothing to happen then don't put yourself in a position that it can, or that causes others to question your intent. The same goes for stay... (read in full...)
I've been working myself sick to pay rent for a house which doesn't even have my name on the contract. Should I just go back to my family home?
Q. Me and my fiance have been together for 2 and a half years. 6 months ago we moved into a flat with his brother and his brothers fiance. I got a job so I could move in and all was ok. The job is ridiculous hours but needed to pay the rent and I'm ...
A. 12 August 2015: Like everyone else has already said, speak to your parents about moving back in with them. If they agree, then start quietly bringing your stuff over to their place until the BIG DAY.
I don't know how your boyfriend and the others are going to... (read in full...)
He wanted to have sex without a condom and even lied saying he didn't have one!
Q. I was seeing a guy for a few dates and i liked him a huge amount. We were getting along really well and I think he liked me a lot too. We started having sex fairly soon after meeting because we were drunk the first time we met, which sort of paved ...
A. 12 August 2015: Listen to your friends.
Giving him the flick is the first thing sensible thing you've done here. He could have given you Herpes, for God's sake, and there's no known cure for that.
Women write in to us all the time, belly aching about how... (read in full...)
Her actions have confused me. What do I need to know to understand her better?
Q. Hi everyone I met a girl a few months ago, and we got along so well. we would speak often and when we met up she seemed to really enjoy it and would message me all day they day after saying how much she enjoyed it. if i compliment her appearanc...
A. 10 August 2015: She MIGHT be genuinely busy, but I'm inclined to agree with the other poster. It sounds like she's trying to let you down gently. The thing is unless you're a sociopath, no one wants to hurt another person's feelings. It's a crummy position ... (read in full...)
Do I text my brother's best friend who has a girlfriend?
Q. Dear Cupid, Oh god. So bascially my brother who is 3 years older then me has this really cute friend. A couple of months back I developed a crush on this friend and i used to think he liked me too. But then he got a girlfriend and I haven't seen him...
A. 10 August 2015: Like Honeypie said, having a crush is normal, but to start out as a relationship wrecker at such a young age...that will be a very difficult label to get rid of.
... (read in full...)
He didn't explain what made him angry and now he's sending me more abuse. Did I do the right thing by leaving him?
Q. Can someone please tell me if I did the right thing? I would love responses from both sexes! I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, it was very on again, off again, mainly because of his verbal abuse. I would forgive him and go back ...
A. 10 August 2015: You absolutely did the right thing by leaving him behind, but I disagree with your demand for an explanation. It's like asking a four year old why they scribbled on the wall with crayons. 'Why?' is a great question to ask after a train derailment... (read in full...)
He is ignoring me after I expressed my interest in getting physically intimate with him?
Q. My neighbor who haven't seen with a girlfriend for like 1 year now.... only 2 who seemed to be random hookups. Met in a bar afew weeks ago and I told him that I wanted us to be F buddies.... exactly that and nothing more. He listened as I went on ...
A. 9 August 2015: I think it was VERY forward of you to make such an offer. I suspect he either thinks you're desperate so there is no rush for him since he can call you when he wants you or he's decided you're just not his type of woman. Salvage whatever dignity... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when a male friend sends me unwanted pics of his privates?
Q. Hello Agony aunts. My first question is what do we say or do about friends that send pictures of their privates to their female friends. I remember the first time my very close friend did that to me, I severed all contact with him. I was ...
A. 9 August 2015: 'Friends' who do this are not friends, nor are they potential boyfriends (even if you were single and looking).
They're not too concerned about impressing you. You were right to sever all ties. Keeping in touch with them, even after explaini... (read in full...)
I accidentally walked in on my elderly mother masturbating and don't know how to feel about this
Q. Hi - this is going to be a strange topic - but I am in my 40s and have just walked in on my mum (who is in her late 70s) masterbating at her house in the middle of the day. We were all sat in the garden when I looked up and saw my mum had gone ind...
A. 9 August 2015: You're a grown woman in her forties not a 13 year old girl. Surely you have enough wisdom and experience not to be so easily shocked by what you see. Your mother was masturbating, not strangling the neighbour's dog.
It may be that she has finally ... (read in full...)
Husband suddenly showing physical agression, how worried should I be?
Q. Married for 15 years, we learned to deal with each others faults and most notably his short fuse, shouting and verbal abuse. He's been seeing a shrink for years now. HE was NEVER physically abusive. And yeas, he has some great qualities too (he's ...
A. 9 August 2015: Two things you said I want to highlight for you: 1. 'I know that he usually controls his anger when we have witnesses (I'm using the word deliberately). But it's mostly when there's someone around whose opinion he cherishes so much that he wan... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's comment makes me think he doesn't find me attractive
Q. Hi everyone I have always been told I'm attractive which I don't see as I don't think I am I've never been very confident in myself my boyfriend of 18 months was saying yesterday that good looking who could be supermodels probably treat there ...
A. 8 August 2015: In a non accusing, matter of fact tone, ask him what he meant by the remark. Do it soon so this doubt doesn't fester. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend insulted me and made me feel terrible and now I'm having a hard time forgiving her
Q. Recently when we were texting, my girlfriend got really angry and said some pretty horrible things about me while I tried to calm her down. I've never been one to take insults easily or very lightly. It's something I grew up with. Everyone in my ...
A. 8 August 2015: Her explanation seems a bit ridiculous, but I agree that it might help us to know what she said.
Has she done this before?... (read in full...)
What's his problem? Is it really all down to ''just bad luck?''
Q. I'm with my boyfriend for a little bit over a year and I'm getting angry about how he avoids pre-planned events and such with friends and family. And with me. He's not really that social, so to get him thinking about going somewhere is no small ...
A. 7 August 2015: Your boyfriend might have some kind of social anxiety or perhaps he prefers a quieter life. Personally I find 20 events in the past year to be a bit much. I can't think of anyone I want to see that many times a year (except someone I chose to live ... (read in full...)
He has never divorced his wife. It makes me uncomfortable and I'm wondering why he hasn't divorced her!
Q. Hi, I have been dating a guy i met in a social group, for around 4 months. After a few dates, he told me he was married but separated, for 7 years. Now had I known this beforehand I would not have dated him as I didn't want the emotional baggag...
A. 7 August 2015: Stop asking questions and stop dating him. No drama, no accusations and no teary eyed good byes. Just gracefully walk away.
He has unfinished business with his ex that won't be sorted out any time soon. Questions and discussions are pointles... (read in full...)
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