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female
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anonymous
writes: Would you stay with your husband, if he would go impotent, and it would not have medical cause? And on the top of. That, he would lose his affection too, so, basically the marriage becomes sexless? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): Thanks again, I would like to answer to this....''I don't believe he just one day stopped thinking about sex. There HAS to be an underlying problem''''why he would suddenly be like this without medical cause? ''Well, I know, it sounds very unlikely, but I don't think, he is cheating. I can't say it 100% but pretty sure.And yes he has no medical issues. I'm sure , its not an ''average'' situation, and it is hard to even believe it. But for now, this is the truth. That he does not know why, and the therapist also don't know. He did go alone, and with me , years ago. Sounds crazy , and weird, yes. But I know ,its just logical not , there has to be a problem. The question is what is this problem? Maybe words can't answer it. I dont' know./
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): "Yes it is like roommates. But I can't say there is no love, at all, It just like friends, but without benefits.."You probably have lots of other friends too, besides him. The difference is, you are not obligated to intertwine your life with those friends the way you are with him because you're legally married to him.When you have to intertwine your life with someone so closely, there had better be more than "just friends" type of good feelings. there has to be a deeper level of closeness and intimacy otherwise this kind of intertwinement of lives is actually an unhealthy enmenshment because it means you're logistically and financially and socially intertwined, but not emotionally or spiritually. That really sucks.If your feelings towards him is like "just friends" then your relationship status should be officially reduced to be officially "just friends" too. otherwise i'ts pretending to be something it's not. save the higher level of closeness for someone else who really meets the criteria.as for why he would suddenly be like this without medical cause? Well, i hate to say it but he may be cheating on you. when people cheat, they often lose desire and attraction to their spouse due to guilt and also due to their 'loyalties' now being with someone else.
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reader, mikeybr  +, writes (14 July 2012):
I don't believe he just one day stopped thinking about sex. There HAS to be an underlying problem. Either with himself. Or he's got a problem with you. I'm a man and don't know any other man that just stops wanting sex. Anythings possible but I've heard these stories before and "I" think there's always a reason.
I have a buddy that doesn't like to have sex with his wife NOT because he doesn't want sex. It's because SHE does something he doesn't like DURING sex that turns him off. He told me this one day and I couldn't believe it.
You need to TALK to him and ask questions. I know you've done it but need some more. If he just flat out refuses to tell you what his problem is (there is one, IMO) THEN you can consider leaving.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Well ok, then you need an exit strategy. I wouldn't stick around either. Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): DoubleM .
I have stated many times,that he has no desire,so he is not interested to be affectionate. He can't just use his tongue without any feeling. I understand your offer,but it is not answering my question. Thanks for your effort. People has hard time to understand,that lack of desire,wit ED is different than only Ed, alone....
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 July 2012):
Well, if I became impotent, either as a married man or boyfriend, I will always have my tongue - please excuse any perceived crudeness. But the fact is, a man can still please a woman orally if he is so inclined. If affection remains in the relationship, I can find no reason that a man would not enjoy, as well as feel somewhat obligated, to provide pleasure for his woman. It is quite easy enough to do even if the penis no longer works.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Hello anonymous,
Yes it is like roommates. But I can't say there is no love, at all, It just like friends, but without benefits...
Its pretty tragic, I wish he would know, why is this happening to him.
But ,really, ut is very depressing, because, how could this happen to a man, who couldn't stop thinking about sex before. And than no more. Like someone put a spell on him. I know there is no such a thing, but sometimes I started to think, maybe that is what happened. I dont know, its just a wicked fairytale,...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): if there's no intimacy and no affection, then I don't think it does either of you any good to stay married. that makes a mockery out of marriage.
Commitment is great, but there comes a point when you have to question what exactly are you committing to? to a "situation" ( I won't even call it a relationship because it's not one anymore) that has no love, affection or intimacy? How are you doing your spouse any favors by staying married to him if he obviously does not feel love or affection for you? you're just roommates in reality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Hi,Just trying to give some more facts , so you can understand it better,1, No he is not affectionate, or thinks about sex in anyways. 2, no he has no medical problems, he had a very extensive medical checkup 3, it is a long term problem now since early 40's4, he has changed a lot, and he has no clue, why, and why is he impotent,5,he does not want to talk about it anymore, he is sick of talking about it, he says ,there is nothing else he can say.6 he used to be very sexual, but it suddenly stopped.7 why is he like that , this is a MYSTERY, on this point,like a magic spell.8, finally, he is a good husband, and no he is not violent9, but it goes on since our early 40 es, and I feel damaged, sexually frustrated, and worthless.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I would stay with an affectionate impotent man. Especially if he was aware that his penis was not why I married him or loved him and he was still affectionate.
I'm not sure I would stay with a man who was NOT impotent but not affectionate either... for me the cuddling and love is way more important than the sex.
Has his impotency changed his affection and his other behavior... because that's the key to me. is he the same man he was when you married only now he's impotent or has he changed as a person totally?
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reader, YouWish +, writes (13 July 2012):
 If my husband became impotent, and I didn't know the cause and he didn't either, of course I'd stay with him! If it's psychological and distressed him, I'd stay. If we simply didn't know the medical cause, I'd stay!
I'd never leave my husband if he became impotent, even if there was no way he'd be cured. I'd feel really bad for him and do everything I could for him.
If the impotence were because of a porn addiction, or he tried to blame it on me or was hiding something, I'd feel differently. But even if he got tangled in a porn addiction and wanted to get free, I wouldn't leave him.
Why are you saying that your husband is losing his affection for you? Is the lack of affection seeming to cause the impotence, or is his impotence leading to his avoiding affection?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Marriage is about commitment! But it's a commitment of your life, your love and soul! If she said it wasn't a marriage and just a relationship which require all the same things just hasn't been put down on a piece of paper you all would of told her to consider being shot of the man. A relationship has sexual needs as well as faithfulness, trust and love. So you should talk to your husband as communication is key, and suggest ways things could pick up, see what he says about the issue, why he thinks it's happening and come to a conclusion together! Consider all possibilities with your husband on how to pick up the sex as everyone has sexual needs whether they are married or not. Communicate and see where it leadsGood luck :)
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reader, dougbcoll +, writes (13 July 2012):
 i will have to agree with code warrior . when you got married it was and is for better or worse, to death do us part. any marriage can have highs and lows.
the giving of yourself ,the love toward your mate even when not given in return is a selfless and true love.
you can take the easy road out and forget about the vows you made to each other, or you can choose to love your husband wither he deserves it or not.
let me ask does he hit you, is he abusive toward you. is he faithful to you, no other woman involved.
are you faithful toward him. the choice is yours , stay married and be a loving wife toward him, or trade him in on a newer model.
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reader, unknown2u +, writes (13 July 2012):
Are you really sure there's no medical cause? Has a physician checked for blood pressure, diabetes, hormone levels, the last of which they seldom do without prompting? There are quite a variety of medical conditions, including depression, that lazy docs seldom look for. Or don't have the cues to look for, if like a typical man he shows up and says that everything's fine. It's perfectly reasonable for you to tell his doctor of your concerns.
If they really have put him through a thorough battery of tests, then the cause is psychological. Which means counseling. Is there a will to stay together, and try to figure out what's going on? Are you willing to hear, for example, that the same old moves in the bedroom simply don't work any more? And if you hear that, are you prepared to change?
CW is, of course, right that marriage is about commitment. It's not always easy, and every long-term marriage goes through bad years. Couples get into ruts, stop communicating, and issues fester. It's remarkably difficult to get past those ruts sometimes.
I'm not telling you that you have to live in a sexless marriage. What I'm saying is that, if you feel strongly about the commitment, you should dealve very deeply into why this has happened. It's possible that you'll learn something that means, to you, that the marriage can't be saved. But it's probably more likely that you'll learn something that you can work with to save it.
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