A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If you thought that your spouse was cheating on you or was doing something weird but never had any evidence except weird behavior and lack of affection. Would you ask them to take a lie detector test?Why or why not?No missing time.No weird emails or phone calls.No clothing evidence. Just weird distant behavior weird vagueness.Says weird vague stuff like " People are not really lying if they don't ask another person a direct question."When I complement him on a great job on doing a project and talk him up in front of other people he shows no change of emotions.He suffers from ADD and Depression so I don't know if this is him just being weird or if he is cheating?Thanks for your insight cupid! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 June 2015):
 No I wouldn't.
I would talk to him and try and figure out what's up. If it's new (newer) behavior I would look back to see if I can pinpoint when it started, to see if there was any major events in your lives.
ADD AND depression? that is a LOT to handle. Is he on any medication to in any kind of therapy or is he just waiting on the depression to "go away"?
I said I would NOT ask for a lie detector test and I will explain why.
1. they are NOT reliable. They can give INDICATIONS but never tell the whole truth. It's not like you see it in movies.
2. If I was at a spot where I had so little faith and trust in my partner, I don't think a test would actually "satisfy" me. It would leave room for more doubt. As in, I should have asked XX questions or maybe he is just really good at lying....
3. IF there are NO other reasons to think he is cheating... WHY is that the first thing that pops in YOUR mind?
As for not BEAMING with joy when his wife praises him in front of others, well MAYBE it makes him feel like a child being praised for a great drawing of a dragon.... So if he doesn't SEEM to enjoy it, why do it? Praise him in private.
His odd and vague statements... well ASK him to clarify them if you just "don't get it".
A
male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (4 June 2015):
If you feel the need for a lie detector test then really the relationship is over as their is no trust. If you need a scientific, formal test to be able to trust your partner then that, in my opinion, is more than the beginning of the end. Sorry but I wouldn't ask anyone to take a lie detector test. If it came to that I would leave as the trust had gone. Most likely he would resent the test, and therefore yourself also, anyway. You may regain your trust but loose his, or gain a lot of bitterness from his side.He suffers from ADD and depression, and possibly has other problems also. Whatever the cause the effect is that you don't trust him, have no affection from him and get cagey, smart answers to your probing questions.To some extent the issue of whether he is or is not cheating is secondary to the fact you clearly don't trust him, will probably never trust him and are unhappy with his vague, strange behaviours.Sit down and try and talk to him. If he wont be open and honest or comes out with more odd, evasive answers then ask yourself if you really want to continue playing guessing games. He knows you suspect him, but does nothing to change that or even defend himself.Perhaps his ADD and depression are making this a game to him or an odd attempt at making you jealous, or perhaps he is just unable to relate to you on an emotional level now for whatever reason. Lie detectors do not, in a literal sense, detect lies. They pick up the changes in heart rate, temperature, sweating, etc. that occurs when a person normally lies. These subtle micro signals are recorded and the results based on those.However the results are only as good as the person operating the device and their ability to analyse the results. I forget the actual success rate but its no where near 100%.For instance, similar changes in the body can occur from embarrassment, anger, resentment, offence at a question, etc. These can then be misinterpreted by the person performing the test. Usually cross examination and clever use of repeat answers in a different format will help eliminate some of those variables, but its still far from being highly reliable.People who suffer from mental health problems, certain conditions (autism for example), or attention deficit disorder make poor subjects for a lie detector test. It could also badly effect such a person in a far more negative way than most.So I don't think a lie detector test would be appropriate for your partner to be honest.Mark
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