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Would you be offended if someone put you in a situation like this?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Imagine this situation: you are walking down the street with a close friend, lets call her Jane, and the two of you run into an old friend of Jane's, whom you've never met before. The two of them start catching up and end up talking for half an hour, completely ignoring you, while you are standing there like an idiot waiting for them to finish their conversation. You can't join their conversation because, for instance, they are talking in a foreign language you don't understand or are talking about something you are not familiar with. More than one friend has put me in a situation like that and I think they were being extremely rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. Maybe I am too considerate about other people's feeling, but I would never, and I mean never do that to anybody. Are my friends being rude or am I overreacting?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Wow, I can't believe how many people have answered my question. Thank you, everybody. I know I shouldn't just stand there and wait, but I am a person who avoids confrontation. If it happens again, I'll give them five minutes, no more. And then I'll leave.

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A female reader, EbonyBlossom United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2010):

EbonyBlossom agony auntI suppose it depends on how often they are able to see the other friend. I mean, I'd be offended if it was someone my friend say every week, but if it was like someone they only saw once or twice a year then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'd probably involve myself in the conversation by asking questions about it.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (1 April 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntYes, it is rude, isn't it? What would a lady do in this situation? Do that, as graciously as possible.

They assume you're okay with this, as you obviously are waiting patiently. Just let them know the next time this happens, "I'll let you two catch up. I'm sure you've got a lot to talk about and it'll take too long to bring me up to speed on the topic." or "I'll let you two chat, my knowledge of foreign languages is frankly appalling and I don't want to be a third wheel."

Then excuse yourself. Model the behavior you would like to see. Be consistent, be firm, be polite.

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (1 April 2010):

raiders agony auntWell I guess they are excited haven't seen each other in a long time so they have a lot of catch up to do. Leaving you out its rude but it happens try to join in the conversation if it not foreign, excuse your self and walk away or tell her straight how rude and make her see she is leaving you out.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (1 April 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntIt's just a case of bad manners. To give her the benefit of the doubt, some people were just not taught the proper way to behave in this kind of social situation, and if she was, then she is an inconsiderate person period so heads up.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (1 April 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntYou could have excused yourself and move away from them when you feel being ignored and let them talked all they wanted.

It can be rude and inconsiderate but you are close friends and you should not think of it that way. Your friend just got carried away .

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A female reader, ChristineAvril United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2010):

ChristineAvril agony auntI would have gone to the nearest coffee shop and relaxed with a nice drink until they saw fit to realise you existed.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (1 April 2010):

Sincerely Yours agony auntI wouldn't do that to any one else and i wouldn't like that done to me.

~sy

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A female reader, Tasmanian devil United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2010):

Tasmanian devil agony auntThey probably just didn't realise how you felt, they just got caught up in the moment and forgot about you, don't take it to heart, im sure they didn't mean it.

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